Monday, December 28, 2009

Pull to the Goddess

I have been feeling an old pull returning me to the Goddess in the past few months. Ten years ago I was very much a Wiccan, though slowly over time I have molded those beliefs into something that more resembles where I am now. I don't think I can call myself Wiccan today. It is interesting for me to look back on how much I've changed, as is evidenced by the changes in my worship in life. I was 20 years old, and looking for some way to allow me to be powerful, or empowered ... tapping in to the world of Wicca was the perfect path for me. I loved the freedom of energy and love. Perfect love and perfect trust. I loved that feeling of invoking the goddess energy - such Strength of Spirit! I loved drinking red wine as a ritual in our magic circle, and becoming more drunk from the energy than the wine. I loved performing ritual ~ I often didn't need anything to work on, I merely enjoyed the feeling of power from the words I spoke.

I have changed so much. I truly was a Maiden then ... and now I am a Mother.

The one thing that has remained constant is that I can feel a very strong feminine energy. This energy guides me, like a grandmother, gently pointing me in this direction, or that direction. She gets me to look at the circumstances of my life from a larger perspective, showing me her point of view. I feel her even now, as I write, inviting me to go deeper in this explanation. This could take several pages ... In every stage of my life, goddess has been there, backing me up with a strong, focused, clear, direct energy. She urges me to see the love and light in every person, and to celebrate my femininity, my motherhood, my sexuality, the joy of my children. She encourages me to be strong in the challenging moments of motherhood, for these moments are fleeting. The children grow whether you are enjoying them or not. Goddess reminds me to look at my children through a grandmothers' eyes. That perspective brings me so much happiness in interactions with my little darlings.

I can see many things coming to my life in the next year ... I hope that the Goddess will invite me to see things from her perspective even more. You know I will keep these developments posted ...

Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Gifts of Love: Time and Energy

Do you want to give someone you love an incredibly special gift? Many people today have a really tough time getting everything done ... let alone having time and energy left over to do something relaxing. This is so true in December, isn't it? But you truly can give someone the gift of time, while embracing the true spirit of this winter season. What makes a gift of time so special is that you will be donating that person your own precious time. Such a valuable thing, isn't it? Your time will cost you nothing, but it will mean the world to someone.

You could babysit a friend's kids for a few hours, as a gift, which means they cannot pay you back for it. If you are an employer, send your employee home a few hours early on a Friday - paid time off, of course. When you go to the coffee shop next, leave some money with the cashier to pay for the next customer's order. They will never know who did such a nice thing ... and it will bring lovely energy into that person's day.

This time of the year is filled with possibility. We are celebrating the return of the light, and that light can represent whatever you want it to. Light is Love. Light is Hope. Light is Joy. Light is Beautiful.

Happy Solstice Everyone!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Giving a Gift of Heart

The subject of giving is a hot one right now, with Christmas and other holidays just around the corner. You hear about giving in so many ways at this time: "A gift for that special someone", "This is the time to give to someone less fortunate", "Thinking of a gift for ...?" and it goes on and on.

No matter who you will be giving to this year, it is easy to get lost in the hype of the season, rather than truly focusing on why winter celebrations are important. This is a time to enjoy each other - this means enjoying all of humanity. This is a time of openness in so many ways, and it would be a shame to use this energy in a frenzied way. Smile at fellow shoppers! Talk to your neighbors! Wave to your mailman! Try to savour this time of the year, for it is fleeting, as time has a tendency of doing.

When we reflect on the reasons we have for the desire to give someone a gift, that gift becomes so much more valuable. Winter holidays have a long history of being a time to celebrate each other. Here are some ideas for thoughtful gifts for loved ones:

  • Astrological Birth Chart
  • Homemade Jewellery
  • Homemade Baked Goods
  • Warm socks!
  • Soft Robe

Remember, the spirit of giving is not about how someone will receive - that part is very much out of our control. The spirit of giving is to give of your heart and soul.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Have you ever failed? Have you ever taken a risk to do something, putting yourself out there, only to have unexpected results? Have you ever set out on a particular path with visions of success on your mind, and gone on to experience nothing but "failure"? We are so petrified of trying new things sometimes ~ the idea of failing can seem so unbearable, and we often avoid situations that don't seem safe enough for us.

From the time we are children, so much energy is focused on our successes, but how much time do we spend talking with our children about their mistakes? It is important for adult and child alike to review situations, positive or negative, and glean the lesson from them. And it is okay to admit that you failed at something!

I have always believed that we learn best from our mistakes. There is no more powerful lesson than the one that pushes our Ego down to the ground. There is no more powerful lesson than the one that completely changes our expectations, and forces us to think in a new way. Sometimes, life lessons lie more in the getting there than the being there, although there are times for each on their own.

If you see yourself beginning to fail at something, don't struggle against it. Centre yourself, and look at the situation objectively. Try sitting with the feeling of "failure" ~ how does it make you feel physically? Try meditating on the feeling of "failure" ~ sometimes it is easier to clear your mind when you feel defeated. Visualize all the pressure you put on yourself disappearing, because there is nothing to fear now that the fear has been realized.

Try to remember that failing is an opportunity to learn something new. Failures may lead you to a completely different path than the one you've been on ... and that could be a very good thing.

Be at peace ~ Nicole

*This blog post was inspired by The Naked Soul blog post: Let's Kick Some Buts!

Thank you for getting me inspired this morning Mark!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Spreading Light and Love

Sometimes I feel as though I should have been born in the 60's or even the 70's. I think many of us feel a strong connection to the era in which we were born. The music, the culture, the clothing, the attitudes. Even in utero these things have an effect on the unborn, we all know this. The question I'd like to pose to you is this: What memories or longings will the babies of today experience? What is our culture? What positive things can we glean from the state of the world today, in this moment? Let's put aside all the doom and gloom that tends to be placed on environment, economy, and all our other "ails".

I personally have been feeling an uplifting in terms of spirituality lately. You can say it's the economy, you can say it's the state of world affairs, you can say it's about time! But people are beginning to "look up", and I believe that only good things can come from this. Can we collectively become better people by consciously setting out that intention? Can we make an oath right now to spiritually evolve to the point where all of these problems fall to the wayside? If I can do it, you can do it. If I tell all my friends and family about it, can you tell all your friends and family about it? What is it exactly that I want to accomplish?

I want to change the memories we are creating for ourselves, because every time someone talks negatively about where our path is leading, they are creating energy. They are manifesting the doom and gloom, and every person who believes what is being said reinforces this energy. So, let's create something new. Let's have more faith in ourselves, and in the Universe, God, Allah, Goddess ... Where do we want to be?

I'll tell you what I see. I see a world where we all talk to each other, strangers or not. I see a world where someone sees another person who looks sad or unhappy, and tries to help them to feel good again. I see a world where we are all aware of our subtle bodies, and recognize that communication is happening on many many levels, aside from the physical. I see a world where we love each other, and celebrate our separateness as humans, yet always know that we are all one. We are all connected. I see a world where every person has a chance to have food in their bellies, shelter over their heads, clothing on their backs and love in their hearts. I see joy and celebration everywhere! I see every single person on this planet becoming aware of the most important things: Love, Compassion, Understanding, Happiness.

I always love to receive comments, and today I am asking you to join the discussion. Please tell me what you see in our future. We all have a voice, it's about time we all contribute to this discussion!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Making Sound

Sound is something we tend to be comfortable with when we are not the ones making it. When put on the spot to sing a song, many people feel incredibly uncomfortable. But when we sing alone, certain that no one is listening, it feels good. What many of us don’t think about is that sound can feel good, but it doesn’t always have to sound good.

We can use our voice as an instrument to facilitate an emotional release. These noises may not sound pretty. They might sound deep, guttural, primal, soft, weak, or uninhibited. If you can summon up all your feelings and channel them into sound, it can be a very powerful way to rid yourself of unwanted emotions, to create new energy, or to simply get you to think differently about yourself.

If you are interested in experimenting with sound, try something simple that you can really surrender to, such as Om chants:

Close your eyes. Get yourself into a meditative space (Try the meditation from my previous post!
Growing Buddha Nature )

When you are ready, begin with your first Om. The O and the M should be spoken at about the same length OOO MMM

Take a deep breath, form your mouth into a large O and allow the sound to release, closing your mouth to say the M.

Make as many Oms as you like. Try making the sound last a little longer each time. Really breathe in deeply at the end of each Om. You might like to practice in your shower, where the acoustics are good, or in your car, or in the forest; wherever you feel comfortable making lots of noise. Om chants are especially beautiful in a group, or even with just one other person. You can create a space of exceptionally good energy by practicing Om chants.

Enjoy the sounds of your day …

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Growing Buddha Nature

I recently read about a beautiful meditation called "Growing Buddha Nature". To be enlightened means to be free of all negative thought, and to be filled with all positive thought.

If you would like to practice this meditation:

Get into your comfortable seated position ~ preferably on the ground, cross legged, hands resting on your knees, palms up. Bring your index finger and thumb together to form an O. Spine straight but relaxed.

Breathe comfortably, counting your breath on the exhale. Count to 10 this way. Focus on the quiet space at the end of your exhale. Enter into that quiet space a little more each time.

When you are ready, visualize a seed of light. This light is filled with compassion, love, understanding, kindness ~ all good, positive things. Visualize the seed entering your third eye ~ the space between your eyebrows. Focus on the seed moving slowly down through each chakra. Feel the good feelings ... love, compassion, joy, understanding.

Try focusing on one emotion at a time. Imagine yourself in a situation, practicing kindness, feeling love for someone, being joyful in the moment.

Imagine this seed growing larger and larger inside of you, filling you with golden light. Immerse yourself in the peaceful feeling of positivity.

You now have a Growing Buddha Nature. Feed this feeling with positivity every day. Just like anything that grows, it requires time, love and patience. If you are feeling negative at any time during your day, remember this Growing Buddha Nature is inside of you now. You can activate the feeling of well-being any time you desire.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Opportunity Exists Everywhere

I have always lived my life in a way where things happen to me. Opportunities present themselves front and centre, and I take advantage of them. I don't have any diplomas or degrees, I don't have a particular pull into any one direction, and I often feel like a child who is asking "What do I want to be when I grow up?" In my heart, I know that I am always where I am supposed to be, but there is sometimes a nagging feeling that I should be pushing, striving for more.

During meditation this morning, the message was "Opportunity Exists Everywhere".

What does this mean exactly? When you read this phrase, how does it make you feel? Are you desensitized to this sort of spiritual language? Did you say "Yeah, yeah, okay, let's move on"? Did you read it and dismiss it? Do you know what it means to say "Opportunity Exists Everywhere"? It means that your life is an always open doorway to expanded consciousness. One of the problems with this phrase is that we humans have a tendency to search, to make sense of, to rationalize. This journeying way of being makes it quite difficult to choose a path definitively. Seeking out opportunity can feel like you are committing yourself to a particular path, without knowing exactly what will come of it. And will you be ruling out other options by choosing one way? A genuine leap of faith.

It is difficult to choose a path because we don't know if we will succeed or fail. But the beauty is that the lesson lies in the experience. It is easy to get caught up in the modern thoughts of our society. Progressive, results-based, looks good on paper: We approve of all these things. But someone who searches for more simple things, such as love, understanding, knowledge, peace, compassion, is often cast off as being unimportant. Why is it these important universal truths are dismissed by so many of us? Even the constant spiritualist can only live in the moment of these lessons for a short period before returning to the "real world", and nearly relinquishing their right to enjoy these moments. But these lessons are actually memories, and that is why they resonate so strongly for us. Before moving onto the next thing, try sitting in the feeling of love, understanding, knowledge, peace, compassion. Sit down and truly feel it, and in turn feel the opportunities that exist everywhere.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Embracing the In-Between

I can truly feel the air is changing now ... last night as I stood in my backyard, I looked up to the beautiful moon spreading her glow onto the earth. There were thin clouds slipping through the sky, veiling her though only serving to enhance her light. It spread like a halo all around her ... and it was coloured like a rainbow. I knew I was to "see" something ... and I started to truly focus on the splendid sight of the moon. It seemed as though the moon was beginning to vibrate and I knew I was about to see or feel something from her ... and that is when my puppy, Tetley, jumped up on me saying, "Hey! That's enough. I'm right here. Stay in the moment". I laughed at her bid for my attention, but I don't let things like that get away from me too quickly. The message I am getting is to just Wait.

You see, as of late, I have been feeling itchy. I am experiencing one of those in-between times: Last week, last month, my life was incredibly busy. I was not thinking about what would happen once Halloween was over, and our Halloween circle has been delayed for one week as we are each overwhelmed in obligation right now. I have been getting the message that not every moment can be certain. That these lulls can be a perfect breeding ground for insight and transformation. Perhaps I should be gathering my strength.

We are definitely on the cusp of Winter here in Cariboo Country, and I've learned from past years to get ready for it. This year I am ready for nesting, baking up a storm, crafting while the kids are asleep, getting ready for Solstice. Going into myself more ... but this year I'd like to offer more too. I want to give love of myself wholly, to my husband, my children, our cat and dog ... and of course my family and friends. Perhaps this lull in the action is what is most needed in order to get to the place that I'd like to be in.

Now is the time to embrace what we already have: a home, a family, a community. Simple things, but we all know they are the reason behind all that we do in these human lives. Whether that was our original intent, I'll not know this time around. But let's just enjoy it all! For now, while we build up our energy for the next phase ...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Puppy Chronicles

Today I finally had a dog trainer come for some obedience training. My little pupil, Tetley, did so very well today. Dave (the trainer) helped me to enjoy my dog more. We had so much fun today, guiding her and playing with her. I felt none of the frustration that I had been feeling in the past week or so. I have heard that you don't get the dog you want, you get the dog you need. This is true in my case, I have to say.

When I was a kid, we got a puppy who we named Lady. Lady was a Blue Heeler ... if you know about dogs, you know Blue Heelers have a crazy amount of energy, and they are also a herding dog. Lady intimidated me because she was always nipping at my feet, pushing into me to get me to move, and basically treating me like a sheep. My daughter is with Tetley the same way I was with Lady. Every time the dog comes near her, she yells for me, turns away, then runs away. I am trying to explain that we mustn't allow Tetley to push us around, that we need to shuffle through her, etc. It's not helping, because my daughter's natural instinct is to be herded ~ it's just that it's usually me herding her! I see so much of myself in her :o)

One day, Lady got away from my sister and I, while we were playing in the front yard. When we caught up to her, she was biting a man on his leg. Needless to say, Lady was gone from us after that. This morning, during meditation, I was trying to focus on why Tetley gets me feeling so angry sometimes ... I was directed to thoughts of that childhood memory of Lady getting away, and I realized that I felt truly angry about what Lady did. I forgave her this morning ... for just being a puppy, for not knowing any better, for not listening to me. And I allowed myself to let go of Lady. It is amazing what we hang onto throughout our lives. I always expected to feel guilty about Lady ... but it was anger I was feeling, and now it's gone.

I am so excited when I interact with Tetley now, because I can see the dog she is going to become. She is a sweet, loving, loveable, obedient canine! And she is the dog I need.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Come From a Place of Love

Dealing with a new puppy, on top of my usual routines and responsibilities, has been .... busy. I had a few tough days where everybody in my life seemed to be challenging me. It is possible that was just my perception, but seriously, it seemed like even the dog was talking back! I have wanted a dog for a very long time, and I found I was getting frustrated by her behaviour at times, and questioning whether or not I had made a mistake. What a horrible thought. In the first day that we got Tetley, she has brought me so much joy. We are into our second week now, and I can't imagine life without her, let alone my childrens' lives without a dog.

During my meditations, once I get into that quiet and open space, I sometimes ask for a message ~ "Is there anything I need to know right now?" What I got the other day was "Come from a place of love". This message seems so simple, but it absolutely makes sense to me. If we could all come from a place of love in everything that we do, not only would we each feel great, but so would every person we came in contact with. In spreading the love you feel around you, you are making an investment into that person, place or thing. An investment that will inevitably pay you back one hundred times. As for Tetley the dog, I think she notices when I am doing things out of love for her. She does seem to respond much more positively when I discipline her out of love, or ask her to wait for her food, or to genuinely tell her "Good girl! What a smart puppy!"

So I am starting anew today, coming from a place of love, and enjoying each moment with my children, the puppy, my husband ... well, you get the picture. Enjoy your day ~ With Love, Nicole

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Infusing Positivity

If you can live your life, every day, with a spirit of openness the universe will respond to you in ways you never dreamed. Is there a secret to attaining openness? Absolutely ~ Remain Positive~ Do things that make you feel great!

Positivity is something that you can infuse into every minute detail of your day. Pay attention to your thoughts, and you may be surprised at how much negativity you are focusing on. It all adds up!

~ being impatient while waiting in a line, when you could practice truly living in the moment. ~

~Trying to get around small children walking slowly, when you could watch how they move, what they notice, what they're talking about ~

~You feel offended and upset that someone was rude to you, when you could say to yourself "That's their stuff, not mine"~

Like a duck in the water, allow negativity to slide off your back like drops of water, and you will begin to enjoy each and every moment of your day. And most importantly, remember that you are in charge of how you feel. No one else can control your emotions but you.

At the end of the day, when you look back at what happened, you'll be so proud of yourself for how you handled your life.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


For years, I have wanted a dog. For some reason, it was never the right time, but I think puppies are like babies ~ there is never going to be a "perfect" time to have either come into your life! Our new addition arrived on Saturday, her name is Tetley and she is eight weeks old. She is adjusting to our home pretty quickly, and is figuring out the routine already.

Our cat is less than impressed. In fact, I think she is quite shaken, but perhaps there is a lesson in this for her. Perhaps she will learn how to deal with dogs she doesn't know once she learns to deal with Tetley. I suppose we all have our chosen paths. I am trying to be compassionate toward her, but it is hard when she is scratching at my bedroom door all hours of the night. She'll soon figure out that Tetley is confined to the crate at night, and poses no threat, aside from the sound of her occasional howling.

The kids love her most when she is calm, and often go and talk to her when she's sleeping. She can be a bit rough with the kids, but she'll learn. I am constantly telling her what her boundaries are, and I think she'll start getting it over the next few months. Having babies has taught me that a month is a tiny droplet into the huge pond of my life.

Getting Tetley at this time may not have been the most well laid plan, but the rewards are greatly outweighing any downside. When I see her running around with the kids, laughing and playing, I feel so much joy. I am so excited for the possibilities that exist with having a dog, because dogs know how to have a good time! I am really looking forward to taking her trail running in the Spring ~ she will love it and so will I!

Sure, I have to wake up a few times in the night to let her have a pee. And sometimes she howls and cries when she's lonely, bored or frustrated. But Tetley is helping me to live for the moment, and I am a better human for that.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Reflective Power of Autumn

I find myself in a space of contemplation today. Perhaps it is the beautiful fall weather ~ crisp, cold and reflective.

As I get older, I find myself going with the flow of my life, rather than struggling to attain that which I do not have. On another day, a year or so ago, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with the silence of the afternoon. Today, I feel so comfortable and so at peace with who I am; with who I have become in the past year.

In writing this blog, I always try to be as honest with myself and you, the reader, as I possibly can. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. For me, it is so important to remember this truth. We are here to experience every single aspect of being human ~ the innocence, the naivety, the failures and the successes.

My oldest child will be four years old this month, and I find myself amazed that so much time has gone by. I am so grateful that I have stayed home with my children because I am having the time of my life. My children bring me so much joy everyday. I am so lucky. Soon I will be coming into a time when I will have to begin letting go of them. Thankfully that day is not today.

Enjoy your Fall.

Thursday, October 1, 2009


I have been meditating for the past three weeks, and patiently waiting for some results to show. I'm not sure what I expected, but I realized this morning that the changes have been taking place, however subtle. During my waking hours, I feel much more present to the moment, and I am wholly enjoying the experience of being in that space. I have started to notice more details in the faces of my children, and I feel as though I am in tandem with their joyful natures.

For me, meditation is beginning to feel like I am "plugging in" to our vast Universe. Although I haven't had any brilliant insights, or spontaneous healing moments, I can still feel my soul stepping in tune to the Universe. It is a slow, subtle process that involves much patience, but it is absolutely worth my time.

My husband bought me a great book for my birthday titled "The Meditation Bible". The first meditation noted in this book is titled "Watching Your Breath". Apparently it is the first meditation taught to Buddhists.

Get comfortable. Sit cross legged if you can, or sit in a chair with your back straight. Place the tip of your index finger on the tip of your thumb, forming an O. Relax your mind. Bring awareness to your breath, and when you're ready, begin counting your out breath from 1 - 10. Then start again at one. If thoughts begin to surface, send them off as clouds or as helium balloons.

Try meditating for 10 minutes a day, or as long as you can handle it. Come back to me in a few weeks, and tell me how it's going!

Monday, September 21, 2009


About a year ago, I got this urge to seek out other healers in my community. Licious and I had been exchanging healing treatments for several months, and I really started to crave the company of more healers. It was more than just a selfish desire, it was this tug from the Universe to reach out to others, and to create something that we all needed. I only knew one other woman who practiced Reiki, by acquaintance, but I knew there were others. By a wonderful coincidence, I began to grow closer to this person, and eventually I told her about this idea for a healers' gathering. She really liked the idea, and we just started planning it.

What struck me when I began planning the night was how easily it all came together. The vision I had been given was one where we all collaborated our efforts to elevate the night. We all sat as equals in that circle, providing energy to support one another. We had a guided meditation, a chanting session, and a healing circle. Each one of these exercises was guided by a different person, lovingly giving a gift of themselves.

This event went exactly the way I'd envisioned it. It wasn't difficult to plan, there was no trouble getting people to attend, and I faced absolutely no roadblocks at all. I went with this original inspired thought, to putting the plan in motion, visualizing what would happen and what it would feel like, to being in that moment, and it was an absolute success! It felt so right, from beginning to end.

I would like to live the rest of my life like that, with the certainty that everything would turn out the way I envisioned it. Of course, that is probably not a possibility, with me being human and everything :o) But perhaps I have learned a little secret ... If you live your live with certainty, but without expectation, the road can only lead to bliss!

Friday, September 18, 2009

You've Just Gotta Have Faith!

Today I want to talk about faith. This is a word that we all toss around from time to time, but what does faith really mean? And more importantly, what does faith really feel like?

To me, faith means that you believe in something with all of your heart, mind and soul. Faith can be a moment of clarity, a breakthrough in a meditation, or a sudden peace that comes over you. It is like someone is holding your shoulders, supporting you with the purest love. When you come back to the feeling of faith, it envelops you in a new energy, and gives you the strength to keep going. It really is so important to keep your mind clear, in order to receive messages of reassurance. If you keep your mind open, you will find that faith isn't a one way communication, and it's not just a belief that you have which logically makes sense all of the time. Your spirit guides, angels, animal guides and other helpers will give that same faith back to you, because they want you to be successful in everything that you do.

Does having faith in something mean that you never get to change your mind about it? I personally don't think that it does. Faith is a spiritual term for most, and I believe that ideas based in spirituality must have the ability to adapt to any given situation. Our wants and needs are manifested in strange ways sometimes, and we have to truly believe that we will receive them. Even when the situation seems bleak, with no way for success, the road we are on often leads to bliss ~ We just have to have faith.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Feel Grateful for Everything!

It was my birthday a few days ago, and I had the most amazingly normal day. I decided to have no expectations for the day, and to just enjoy my kids and enjoy my life. I woke up, meditated and took a long shower. My sweet husband made breakfast for us :o) I took the kids for a bike ride with our buddies, then we came back to our place and played in the backyard for a while. I got the chance to catch up with Licious and hear all about her interesting trip back "home" to her roots. The older girls called us up to the top of the yard, they said they had a surprise. :o) We got closer and they threw up handfuls of leaves in the air and said "Happy Birthday!"

In the afternoon I received some phone calls from people interested in attending the Healers' Gathering. I am really enjoying the conversations with these wonderful healers. I feel the newness of healing again, speaking to these women. I believe that this event will be such a great thing for this sweet little town. It's all about the love.

The running theme of my life has truly been Gratitude as of late. I have been feeling the change since I made this switch. With Gratitude running its' roots beneath everything I do, in every second of my life, I will always be blessed with more. I have finally realized that it is I who is responsible for everything I've experienced in my life. All the happiness, all the loss, all the sadness and the love and the broken heartedness. All of it, everything, I made it all happen. With my perceptions, accurate or not. With my judgements. With my fears. I am responsible.

And I am also responsible for the switch!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Creating Community

I have decided to answer a call I've been receiving for some time now. I am organizing a healer's gathering in my community. The vision I keep receiving is one where all energy workers in my community get together to share knowledge, energy and love. I get the feeling that this is not about showing off our talents, but more about creating a sense of community. Practicing energy work can be isolating if you don't have like minded people to share your experiences with. Being able to call someone when you need help interpreting a dream, or guidance with how to proceed with a client is so incredibly comforting.

Already, even before it's begun, people are coming to me with ideas or activities that we can practice at our get together. I can feel the energies of the attendees beginning to gather now, and it feels right! When I first started learning how to practice Reiki, we had a very solid community. A few people took turns hosting Reiki gatherings in their homes, and everyone would give and receive during those times. I wish I could carry that feeling with me wherever I go. I thought that feeling would always be there for me, but of course when I moved to another town ~ it was gone.

We all have a responsibility to create community. Whether it's a knitting club, tennis lessons, art classes, or a dirt biking association ~ Community feels good. Community is also built into the way we treat each other in common places such as the grocery store! If you smile at ten people, you're guaranteed to receive a few back in return. Giving someone that sense of acceptance is an underestimated gift, and the return on the investment of putting yourself out there is immediate. It feels good to give love.

So today, while you are putting gas in your car, or picking up bread at the store, or checking the mail, give someone your love. And when your love is reciprocated, take a moment to really feel the gratitude in your heart. We live in a beautiful place, but it's our friends, our family and our community that make it what it is.

Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again! Have a great day ~ Nicole

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Oneness and Peace

During my meditation this morning, I was having trouble focusing because thoughts kept speeding through my mind. So I decided to become the observer of my thoughts. I got my mind clear, and almost immediately, I saw an image. I put it away for later, and a word came into my mind. Then another image - put away. Then a phrase - put away! I was truly amazed at how my mind was trying everything and anything just to get me out of that blank space. Why do I constantly try to fill my mind with something? I can only guess that it is the Ego who puts on such shows, for some strange, unknown "gain".

What I neglected to mention above was the joy I experienced in the blank spaces between my thoughts. What a blissful, joyful connection I felt today! It took some discipline, self control and willpower to allow myself to enjoy that feeling of freedom, but it was so beautiful. I want to live my life in the light of the truth.

This feeling is exactly the same as the feeling I had once as a child. We went to church when I was a child, every Sunday and Wednesday. I was eleven years old, sitting near the front, trying to tune out as usual. But something the minister said grabbed my attention. He was talking (for the umpteenth time) about being "saved". It was almost as if he were pleading. He said "If you haven't asked Jesus to save you yet, what are you waiting for?" And I, in my child's mind, thought "Why haven't I? Well, maybe I should try." And so I opened my heart as wide as I could, and I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I felt a warm, loving feeling swarm into my heart centre ... enveloping my whole self. At that moment, I knew that God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell and all the rest of it - had nothing to do with this feeling. This feeling is something we are all privy to, and whatever avenues you need to go through in order to get it are your own! This is what makes us all equal.

I am so grateful for today. I am grateful for the peace, the joy and the abundance of all life. I am grateful for all the good things I can and cannot see. I am so grateful to be Alive!

May your day be lit up with love, freedom and joy!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Choose Your Moments

Today I really felt the peace and the love of the Universe. I woke up early to meditate, which is something I haven't done in many many months. At first I was having trouble waking up, as you can imagine. But slowly, the gentleness of the morning permeated my body, and finally my mind. I felt a warmth in my heart, and it began slowly spreading through my entire body.

This feeling carried through the entire morning, when I had to take the kids to the auto dealer for a small repair - while we waited quietly and patiently for about half an hour. (They are very small children - this was huge for me!) The feeling was still inside me when I realized it was only 9:30, and there was the entire morning left to just ... let my kids be kids, and go where the day would take us! So we went to the bakery for a yummy treat, which we ate outside on a bench. We watched a pair of crows eating pods in a tree. Then we got back in the car to go home, but decided on a whim to just go to the park. This particular park has big beautiful pine trees, and the amazing dry, sweet smell that comes with that. My two little angels were running through the trees with unbridled joy. What a peaceful, joyful feeling.

I have been on a quest as of late to live in the moment. But I also believe in situations being "good enough". Choose Your Moments. That's what makes them special! Choose your moments with absolute intention, and Be absolutely dedicated to experiencing every aspect of that moment. You will thank yourself for the gift of being present.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ch-Ch-Changes ...

I can feel the earth preparing for the change from summer to fall ... It is still warm outside and the sun still shines, but on occasion I can feel a subtle chill in the air. I love fall. It is the time of year that I was born, and I've always felt connected to this precious season. It is a time of excitement, of newness, and a time of raw possibility. Perhaps that is why I'm feeling restless, concerned and introverted as of late. I feel better when I am looking forward. I feel the best when I am living in the immediate moment.

I wonder what this new year will bring? It seems as though many people are feeling some tumult right now, almost in anticipation of some radical changes. I have been cowering these past few weeks, unsure of what changes are coming, but now I am ready to emerge. I am ready to embrace whatever comes my way. I am ready to create something bigger.

Just as the earth has her annual phases, we do too. Are you prepared to shed the leaves of your former self in order to save your energy for a season of silence? For that is what Winter can bring. It seems strange to be thinking about winter's approach, but I'm going to prepare myself this year. Winter came way too quickly last year, and I am going to be ready! To me, winter is a season of creativity. The darkness helps us to focus on what is directly in front of us. It is important to gather energy now in order to deal with this. Picture yourself as a squirrel gathering bits of food, information and energy. Enjoy these last days of summer, because they are fleeting! Get outside in the sunshine as much as you possibly can - run through your sprinkler, man, because there's not a lot of time left!!

I am preparing for Change. I am readying for what I do not know. I will be prepared.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


There is something welling up inside of me, a change, a newness. While I'm not sure exactly what will come from it, there are times when we must trust the process. The older I get, the more I realize that Change is a consistent occurence in my life, and I am powerless to resist it. And why would I want to resist anyway? It is time for me to move with the onward motion of the river of my life. I've not much else to say on the subject today, but I will.

Peace, blessings and love to you ~ Nicole

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Leaf of Change

I am slowly turning over a leaf of change. I feel as though I had emptied myself out, and I wasn't sure what to do. My Uncle gave me some sage advice. He said that we do need to search sometimes in order to remain connected to the divine source, because without this reassurance we can feel lost. He said to be very aware of the ego at this time, and to ask for space to simply Be, without Ego. I have already had a few opportunities to test myself, and I am feeling very pure right now.

I have been meditating more, and even did a bit of yoga last night, after a long run. I am trying to fill myself up with all good things. I am feeling strangely disciplined as of late ... I am trying not to make assumptions as to where this transition could lead to.

I would just like to enjoy every moment. To truly notice each situation for what is really is. To keep that Ego in check.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Times of Change

For the first time in my life, someone has made an observation about me that truly struck a nerve. My husband pointed out to me that I seem to always be searching for something. He indicated that maybe this was preventing me from living in the moment and truly being happy. This has never happened to me before. No one has ever, ever given me this kind of insight on myself, and agitated me so much. I immediately became defensive, because I felt so incredibly vulnerable. Why did this get to me so deeply? Am I always searching? And what exactly am I looking for? And now what do I do with this information? I honestly do try to live in the moment, and I believe I’m successful about 90% of the time. But, I have to admit, that other 10% is definitely spent on observing, analyzing and searching for reasons why, what ifs and would I be able to’s. Does this make me happy? No. But the rewards of ever-probing Life itself does come in waves… I can’t measure how often these moments arise, but I do know that it is worth it for me. Or at least it has been until now.

Since as far back as I can remember, I've been able to view my life as spiritual. I feel like I've had so many breakthroughs in my thinking, and I truly have come far, but with each "awakening" I ask myself the same question: "Now what do I do with this knowledge?" For the first time in my life, I am saying that I will not go searching for more. I am just trying to Be, right now, right in this singular moment. Right in this 1000th moment, I am just Being.

I honestly feel that at this moment, the house of spirituality I built up for myself is strange to me now. I feel as though the walls are beginning to crack a little, and that is a little scary. I can also feel that this is necessary. Everything in me feels restless with the coming change. I am in that space of uneasiness, wondering what will happen next and where I might be led. This uncertainty, too, is necessary. I suppose it is time to begin preparing to make room for change. I did a healing ritual with Licious and another close friend the other night. It was a time to purge unwanted habits and patterns, and to ask our Ancestors and guides for healing. I know I need to go a few steps further and cleanse my home and property, and I need to be gentle with myself right now.

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase" ~ Martin Luther King

Sunday, July 26, 2009

100th Post! Recapping Your Life

I am so amazed that this is my 100th post! I wanted to write about something special to mark the occasion, and I've decided to write about "placement" on one's spiritual path. What I mean by this is where we put ourselves in terms of spiritual evolution. How can we measure our spiritual evolution? Do we find it in the amount of compassion we feel for others? Do we find it by how much peace we enjoy in our minds? Or do we find it only in those small, magical, fleeting moments in our everyday lives?

Perhaps it is all of the above. Each one of us is on their own specific path, predesigned by the Universe, and specially laid out to challenge our innate being. While we can't fail at simply being, we can come up against the same challenges over and over again if we do not learn from our experiences. If we lay down and let our lives "happen" to us, and we don't strive to be better than we were yesterday, we may be setting ourselves up to fail.

I have to admit, the narcissist in me would like to know exactly where I am in terms of meeting my "goals" in this life. But would that knowledge help me to recognize the truth of my innate being? Would it help me align with my higher self? Would that knowledge take away from this beautiful experience of being human? Perhaps the funnest part of this experience is seeking out the things that make you feel completely in line and at peace with the Universe. I have heard that you are always where you are supposed to be, but will you feel that and recognize it if you aren't in alignment with your intrinsic nature? I try to go by the way I feel at any particular time ... if I am not feeling good about something, I take time out for myself and try to get back in line with who I am, and what I humanly want to be in my life. I want to be a strong woman, a dependable, warm and caring friend, a passionate and loving wife, a mother who creates a home full of love... but most of all I just want to be myself.

I receive great pleasure from writing here, and I am so thankful that I've found an outlet for my many deep thoughts. This experience has brought me more peace in my everyday life, and I am so grateful for that. To the people who read this blog (whomever you are ... out there in cyber space) I am incredibly grateful to you for helping to create the energy to carry on with it.

May all our lives be full of love, compassion, learning, sharing and growing.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

When Ego Takes Over

Something was nagging at me all day yesterday, and it seeped into my dreams all the way through to this morning. I was questioning the success of my run. I was wondering if I could have done better. Could I have run faster? Could I have challenged myself more? I had set goals for myself which I considered pretty lofty at the time ~ Run the whole thing without stopping ~ Finish upright and smiling ~ And to enjoy myself! I surpassed all of my own expectations, so why was I left with this awful feeling that I didn't do well enough?

As soon as I told Licious how I was feeling, she started to sing a song about Ego. The moment the word came out of her mouth, I knew that's exactly what it was. And as soon as I observed my Ego and the drama I was creating, it disappeared almost immediately. It truly is amazing how quickly a drama can build when we don't keep our Ego in check! And subsequently, how quickly the drama fades once Ego is discovered.

I do find it interesting that I created this drama only one day after reading a post on the Spiritual Healing Journey blog titled Everyday Creation. I mindfully read this article just yesterday, absorbed it, and thought I understood it. The Ego is a masterful scriptwriter, and I fell prey to its' wiles even with the knowledge I thought I'd gained.

Dear Ego - While you've gained my respect for your cunning, witty and remarkable talents, I am observing you now. I am thankful for some of the things you've given me, but be aware, I am watching out for you ...

Monday, July 20, 2009


Yesterday I put myself to the test. I ran in a 12 km run, and surpassed every single one of my expectations. It was completely amazing.

This whole process has taught me so much about myself. I have way more personal power than I even knew existed in me, and there is something in me now that doesn't even list giving up as an option. It is just easier for me to keep going, to push myself up one more hill, and then to keep running once I'm at the top. I wouldn't be in this place without the help and support of some beautiful, strong and powerful women that I've met along the way. Women who say things like "Oh yeah, you can do it, no problem!" and "Oh, Nicole is ready". Allowing me to notice this strength in myself is a greater gift than they realize, I think. The level these women have worked their way up to astounds me, and for them to say that I can start now at 12 km is inspiring.

Anybody can do what I am doing! You just start treating running (or weight lifting, or biking, or swimming, or whatever!) as though it is already a part of your life. Go out and do your thing on Mondays & Wednesdays because those are the days you do it! It is no big deal to try something new! You do your best, listen to your body and keep going!

I also discovered almost right away that running is helping to keep my anxiety in check. When I feel my solar plexus tightening, I use that anxious energy as fuel for my legs to move faster. At the end of a run, I now feel relaxed, open and happy. It is such a release for me.

I have come such a long long way, and I am so incredibly proud of myself.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Scanning Yourself

Lately, I have been trying to offer at least one healing per week, in order to prepare myself for the future. I feel like I am putting myself through a practicum. But I am finding that I need to really take care of myself if becoming a healer is truly what I want to do. In Barbara Brennan's book "Hands of Light", she is very clear on the importance of self-care. She has included instructions on clearing your own chakras, and scanning your own body before, during and after a healing. I often only have a few minutes to practice this exercise, and so I just quickly visualize each chakra being balanced for one minute. This exercise has been invaluable to me. I feel wonderful after giving a healing now, where in the past I was often afflicted with sleeplessness and agitation. Tuning into my guides is something that Licious really opened me up to doing, and I am so grateful to her for this gift. My guides have been amazingly helpful, and all I had to do was ask.

It is so incredibly important for every one of us, "healer" or not, to be able to scan ourselves ~ for truths, and for un-truths ~ for tension and pent up energy ~ for withheld love and unspoken thoughts. The more we open ourselves up by releasing unwanted thoughts, emotions and energies, the more room we are creating for our desires. The trick, of course, is to be diligent in keeping your mind clear and your heart open. The mind is an amazing machine, but it does tend to get stuck in its ways. Are you wondering where you can start? Some simple exercises to try include:

~ Close your eyes, right now. Breathe deeply in through your nose, exhale deeply out of your nose. With each inhale imagine white or golden light filling up your entire body, through your feet, hands and head. With each exhale, imagine any held tension as energy, or water, and allow it to drain out of you - Let it go. Do this until you feel you are done! Do it whenever you get a chance!

~ If you have trouble focusing, try this one: Sit down, preferably on the ground, but not necessary. Breathe deeply, in through your nose, exhale deeply out of your nose. Imagine roots growing out of your bottom, reaching deep into the fertile soil of Earth. Send your roots down down down as far as you can make them go. With each inhale, drink up nourishment from the center of the earth, and with each exhale, allow your roots to plunge a little bit deeper.

If you keep trying to create more space in yourself in these ways, I promise that you'll begin to feel some changes in your life. You are the only one responsible for your reality here. It is up to you to create what it is that you want. Become the creator of your Life.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Fox Medicine

A very sweet friend of mine pulled a Fox card for me from her animal medicine tarot cards. Here is what it had to say:

Camouflage: Fox is always concerned with the safety of family members and is an excellent talisman for those traveling far is a sign that you are to become like the wind,which is unseen yet is able to weave into and through any location or situation. You would be wise to observe the acts of others rather than their words at this time. Use your cunning nature in a positive way; keep silent about who and what and why you are observing. In learning the art of camouflage, you need to test your abilities to pull this may also gain confidence in your ability to know instantly what will happen next. After observing for awhile you will become aware of certain predictability in given situations and be able to quickly make your move.

...With Fox medicine, you are being asked to see all types of uses for oneness.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Finding the Fox Within

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt as though you were in perfect harmony with the Universe? A time when anything you wanted, you were sure to receive?

Yesterday morning, I went out for a big run, and while the first half of it was spent in thought, the second half was spent in pure enjoyment. I love to just observe the earth in those quiet morning hours, and I challenge myself to be silent too.

Sometimes, when I'm running, I pretend that I have a pack of dogs with me. I can almost hear them panting, their nails clicking on the pavement, and kicking up the dirt on the side of the road. But mostly, I can feel what it would be like to run with a pack of dogs. I like dog energy. So on my run I asked the Universe to send me some dog energy. I got the reply "But that's not what you need right now". I shrugged my shoulders, and moved on.

A few minutes later, I saw a beautiful fox at the edge of someones property. All I could say was ~ Thank You ~. I've been researching fox symbolism, and it seems to me that the fox prefers to keep herself hidden unless absolutely necessary. Outside of mating and child-rearing, they seem to prefer a life of solitude.

The most significant thing I found was on

"When we learn to detach from our surroundings and to use all our senses to be observant, we will also be able to anticipate and create the future... Fox is a wise, potent, teacher for those who choose to live conscious and deliberate lives."

Many of the fox's traits are not one's I thought I could ever claim as my own, however I seem to become more malleable every day. If I could choose some of her traits they would be: stealth, courage, ability to observe unseen, persistence and swiftness.

I'm going to use the Fox in my meditations, and in my everyday life for guidance and protection.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

My Reiki Story

One of the blogs I like to read, Reiki Help Blog, has started the Reiki Stories Project. If you have a Reiki Story to share, I would encourage you to share! You can check it out here:

Reiki weaved its way into my life during a time when I was at a crossroads. For three years prior, I had been destroying my spirit with drugs - anything I could get my hands on. But I had initiated change ... I had met some friends to practice Wicca with, I had begun meditating every day, and I began spending more time outside in nature. I was feeling better, but loneliness hung on my soul.

One day, a new acquaintance asked me how my knees were feeling. I was a bit confused as to why she would ask me such a seemingly strange question. She matter-of-factly told me to come by her house after work, and she would give me Reiki. I had no idea what Reiki was, but even though I barely knew her, Terry made me feel at ease. So I went to her. She healed my knee, and told me that day that if I wanted to receive my first degree of Reiki, I could do so in a few weeks. I took the course, and my life began to unfold in a completely new way. The Reiki community used to have gatherings about once a month, and during that time I received many healings. It felt amazing to work through all of the emotional issues that had built their walls within me. It certainly wasn’t easy to confront the demons of my past, but I knew it would be worth it. Reiki helped me to regain the faith I had lost in myself, and helped me to feel a sense of community where I was fully accepted for who I truly was.

Reiki is now with me always, and I have finally reached the point where I am ready to share this Universal Love, this Universal Energy, with the world.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Become Aware of Your Spiritual Guides

The other night I was lying in bed waiting for sleep to arrive. I was feeling really drained from my day, and wondered if a good night's sleep would be enough to carry me through the next day. I decided to ask for some special help. I decided to call on Archangel Michael for a healing. I felt the energy around me transform right away ~ my request was granted. It was a warm, peaceful feeling that surrounded my entire space, my whole being, and the healing began. I must have fallen asleep very quickly, but I was woken up sometime later by the glorious sound of warm, heavy rain falling. And I knew the healing was over. The next day was amazing for me.

We all have guides in our life. They will come to you in all different forms ~ human, animal, fairies, trees, dragonflies, and the list goes on. We also have the spirits of our ancestors to guide us ~ All you need to do is ask for their assistance. The most important thing you can do is to be aware of your guides - even if it's just a stranger exchanging positive energy in the form of a happy smile. The more aware you are of these happenings, the more often magic will creep into your life and create the unexpected for you. These guides are here to help you, all you have to do is ask.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Let the Man Feel

Last night I watched the movie, "Taken". (Excellent movie if you like action!) The story is about a man who retired from his career as a spy to repair his relationship with his 17 year old daughter. Unfortunately, his efforts are not appreciated by his ex-wife and her new husband, and they seem to want nothing to do with him. His daughter is really too young to know what he's given up in order to be closer to her. The daughter goes to Paris for a vacation with another young girl, and they are abducted. Her father goes to Paris to get her back, using every weapon in his spy arsenal. He saves the daughter from imminent doom and flies her back home. The ex-wife realizes that the very career that broke down their marriage saved their daughter's life. The new husband realizes that he is not such a bad guy after all.

Does every man have a deep desire to be appreciated? Women often pass men off as being independent from pesky emotions, but I don't think this is true at all. And when men do something wrong or misguided, they are sometimes labelled as deadbeat dads, unresponsive husbands or worse. The truth is, there could have been many issues and feelings gathering beneath a seemingly calm surface. I think that because men aren't as aware of their emotions, they have trouble understanding them. We the women need to school these men on what it is to feel.

If you are a woman, I have some advice: The next time your man seems unresponsive, distant or cranky, ask him if everything is okay. Look back on the past week and ask yourself if you've been there for him. It doesn't take a lot to make a man happy, but being aware that he can feel unappreciated or neglected can really help get past any difficult moments.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I Always Wanted to Be ...

It seems that every year, I do another thing that I once told myself I would never ever do.

Currently, that activity is trail running. I wondered why someone would want to subject themselves to such a seemingly scary experience. I was running through a narrow, overgrown trail, single file with a friend. There was a thunderstorm moving over the area, and every once in a while the thunder would rumble all through me. It started to rain, but we hardly got wet because of the trees looming above. The raindrops sounded fat, and they truly made that "pitter patter" sound you read about in books. The bushes kept slapping against my legs, making my shorts stick to my skin, and dirtying up my ankles. I felt incredibly connected to nature. More connected than I've felt in a long time. In the trail, I have to move all other thoughts out of my mind, so I can focus on where my foot will land next, or where the trail turns right or left. There isn't time to wonder about my children's' recent behaviour, a poor reaction to stress, or how much longer the run is going to be. At the end of it, I am filled with new life.

So much of my youth was spent living in fear ... I don't regret that, but I am certainly embracing my new confidence. It has been so freeing for me to try something I wasn't sure I'd be good at - and to actually enjoy it?! - It feels great. I'm not sure why I chose to spend much of my youth in fear of the unknown, but I think it's made this part of my journey so much more gratifying. Now I actually feel excited to try new things!

I don't want to live in fear anymore. I know I'm asking a lot from myself, but I am ready for all the challenges I've yet to face. Because once I get through them, I know how proud I will be of all the things I have accomplished. I am becoming the woman I always wanted to be.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Here's to Change

I've been thinking a lot about a scary word lately - Change. The word in itself scares me because of what it could imply ... the unknown. When I think of change, I wonder how I'll adapt because I've become so used to the way things are. Will I let anyone down? Will I let myself down?

I've also been thinking a lot about Guilt lately. My big guilts are usually based in whether or not I'll meet my loved ones' expectations, and it is just the idea of letting someone down that really gets to me. I would like to let go of this drama from my life, and that is the challenge I am consciously facing now. I just returned from a family reunion where I noticed some interesting patterns. Every family has discussions of behaviour they noticed while visiting, and most families hold these discussions behind closed doors. That person will not be aware of what was said, they will only feel that focus upon them. It is an unfortunate pattern that could be corrected, slowly over time, if a handful of us could resist the flow of a river like that. I am going to try.

I felt an energy that Saturday night at the campfire, while all of us gathered in a huge circle around it. I felt my elders, long since gone, enjoying the energy we raised while singing old cowboy songs. I could feel a message there, but couldn't quite grasp it until now. The message was to move on, enjoy life, enjoy each other and to focus on the joys of life. There is truly no time to suffer in silence. A family is there to support you in your suffering, and more importantly still be there when you reach the other side of that suffering. My family is made up of remarkable people, and I am one of them. I want to tell my family how remarkable they are to me.

Here's to Change.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Friend of Mine

A close friend of mine came to visit recently. She reminds me so much of my younger self, because that’s when I met her. She has known me from my lowest points all the way to my highest points. She is a vault for some of my deepest secrets, and that is why I will always cherish her as one of my very best and closest friends. She is the kind of person who always knows what to say, even in challenging moments, and she always speaks with honesty. I am so lucky to have a friend like that.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Recovering from Spiritual Breaks

I've been spiritually lazy the past few weeks, living my life in a bit of an uncomfortable silence. I am fully aware of my state now, and I'm ready to take on my next challenge. For me, it has become important to take a rest between the lessons of life, in order to recharge and become ready for the next thing.

I've found that it helps me during these lulls to take it easy on myself. There is no one pushing me to have all the answers, except my own demanding self. I like to take long baths, garden in my backyard, do some physical exercise or just lay on the couch. I try to remind myself that I don't have to be this connected person all of the time. Sometimes it feels great to just Be.

One obstacle I seem to face in these downtimes is a struggle to get back to where I once was, spiritually. I know that I cannot truly get back to that place, as my perspective is completely different after reflecting on life lessons. Whatever the reason, it always takes some time to get into the loving space of the universe. In the meantime, I'll take my coffee with cream and sugar ... and I'd like to drink it in the bath!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Home Free

It has been so long since I last posted, and I usually prefer to wait for inspiration before I do write, however I am going to speak from my heart today.

My youngest child turned two years old last week, and I am feeling a deep and silent inner peace. They say it takes a woman's body two years to balance out and become "normal" again after having a child. Well, I have made it to this point, and I am relieved. I made it! I thought that once I reached this "safe point" I would turn around and look at the war field behind me, reflecting on how strong I was, but I just feel safe. I feel as though I have been wrapped up in the all encompassing arms of the universe - the ultimate hug.

I just want to sit and soak in the delicious and satisfying feeling of peace. Namaste!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Enjoy Being Human

We are, first and foremost, here in human form to experience simply being what we are - human. Can becoming too spiritual become a selfish endeavor? Sometimes, Ego can show us how to hide behind our spirituality. We say to ourselves that we know more than the general public, and that we are above them in this way. If you are hiding behind your “awareness”, are you truly benefiting from living a spiritual life?

We can create our own destiny and we can have anything we want for ourselves, but does this mean that we should not try to create a beautiful existence for others too? I suppose it all comes down to what makes us happy, and happiness in the self creates happiness in others, right? I wonder if each one of us had the opportunity to live a period of our lives in seclusion, would we live a more spiritually connected life? Would we long to be more selfless in the absence of longing to be selfish?

Perhaps we are each a mini-universe, encased in this human form, and we are meant to experience every single aspect of ourselves. We can be spiritual, and we can be aware of the seven chakras, enlightenment, pure love, nirvana, heaven, and all the rest of it. But we can also choose to enjoy life as a human, and part of that includes being a little bit ignorant! Perhaps one of the tricky things about self-guided spirituality is that it may always be a struggle to balance it all out. We can still be spiritual, yet enjoy all the pleasures of our physical bodies – touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. We can be spiritual and also enjoy logical thinking, reasoning, and philosophizing. In fact, these things are necessary to living in a state of awareness.

I personally cannot say that I will ever get the answers to these questions … but sometimes ignorance is bliss!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Letting go of Regret

I don't have many regrets in my life. I've tried very hard to be at peace with my decisions, right in the moment that they are made. And I firmly believe that each situation leads you in the direction you need to go to realize your greatest dreams. That being said, I do wonder if there will be opportunities in my future to right the wrongs I have committed. Will I get the chance to say the things I didn't say, and allow myself to forgive, and to be forgiven?

I ask my inner guidance these questions, and I can feel the answers. I know I will get the chance to make things right again. In my small handful of regrets, I will be redeemed.

Is there anything in your life that you feel you cannot make peace with? Do you think we hang on to certain situations for a reason? Perhaps we feel that we cannot be forgiven, perhaps the mistakes we made were too big to let go of. But can we give ourselves a chance to let go, and be free of the pain? I don't know about you, but I'd like to try.

I am making a pledge to myself to create the opportunities to right these wrongs. I am now looking for the opportunity to be healed from these events. I am ready to begin the process of letting go.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Power in Numbers

There is something so incredible about power in numbers. Even just talking about something with another person brings more energy to a subject. When we open ourselves fully to another person, especially in a spiritual way, we are blurring the lines of “self” and separateness and becoming part of the whole again.

Thought is all that we are.

Thought is the most powerful thing we can do.

If we have a goal of healing ourselves and this planet, a very powerful movement could be to consciously focus our intent on a planet that is already healed. Let us try for one day to visualize each person we see as being completely whole, aware and perfect. Let us imagine that person as a extension of our own self, and let us see where that takes us.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Spring is Here

Life is slowly being born all around me. One thing I love about living in the Cariboo is the slow changing of the seasons. I feel that I really get to appreciate every moment because I see it all unfolding before me. On the coast, the trees just suddenly leafed out, but here, the process is much slower. Even before the snow began to melt, I noticed the trees in my yard were getting little nobs all over the branches. The nobs are slowly becoming leaf buds, but it will still be another several weeks before the trees leaf out.

The light is changing too. It is almost as though the earth is reacting to the sun, the sun is reacting to the plants, and I am reacting to it all. Every entity seems to feel that Spring is finally here! Every day, more snow melts away, and the evidence of a long winter is slowly being revealed to me. A bunch of burnt candles scattered on my lawn, old dog poop, new dog poop, flyers that escaped the mailboxes. There is a large family of about six deer this year, and they are roaming about the neighborhood, unafraid and very hungry. They tried out my small crocuses, but it looks like they spit them back out again. I guess they don’t taste that great. It won’t take long until I see little bits of new green grass rising from the messy, ruddy earth.

I love the newness of Spring, as we all do. It creates something in me every year … A new zest for life and another chance to try something new. I feel so happy about my life, but I am truly looking forward to what the rest of the year will bring. I am also incredibly excited to see what will become of the seeds of thought I planted in the Fall.

Happy Spring Everybody!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Healing the Healer

I want to talk about my own personal experiences in receiving spiritual healings and reiki. When I was suffering from Postpartum Anxiety, I met White Chocolate, and we quickly discovered that we had a lot in common. Most especially, we agreed to begin exchanging healing treatments. The first treatment WC gave me was very intense. I had been craving a spiritual connection with someone, and I had been in great need of a healing for myself. During the first healing, I felt as though the lines between her & I, and everything and everyone had been erased. I felt warmth and fullness in my soul like I had never felt before. When she was finished, she sat in front of me, and I put my face into her hands and wept. I knew I had been suffering, but I didn’t realize how much of it I had been holding in. After each treatment, we would write down any messages that came through, and any other thoughts or feelings.

I felt better after that, but I didn’t feel one hundred percent. I know now that I had a hormonal imbalance, an uncontrollable pattern that I could not escape on my own, but could only deal with on a daily basis. In hindsight, there is a good possibility that I should have been taking medication to ease the symptoms. But the healings truly helped me through an incredibly difficult time in my life, and enabled me to get through my trauma in a more reflective and proactive way.

I look back on those treatments now, and I realize that I did a lot of intense work on myself. It was not easy to observe myself the way that I did, and it required a great amount of courage. I faced my demons, and I continue to face them every day now. I realize the importance of my own work as a healer now. I personally know how difficult it can be to open up your soul and take a long, deep gaze, and to come out of it reflecting on what you saw. Perhaps even more challenging is to use the knowledge to improve your tomorrow. But that topic is for another post.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Letting Go of Anxiety

For a small while I have been neglecting to observe my thoughts. So I was a bit shocked when I finally got around to this purging task. I have been incredibly self-focused in the last little while. Something had been building inside of me that just wouldn't stop nagging in the very back of my mind. I realized that I have been defining the present by what happened in the past. I have been hanging on to my postpartum anxiety and allowing it to dictate my demeanor, my moods and my actions. I have been focusing on how I felt about starting up a support group, but I should have been focusing on the women who were about to gather together. I realize now that just sitting in a room together is powerful for all of us. This huge spiritual transition we are all experiencing immediately makes us sisters.

My realization came when I decided to check out an ad I've noticed a few times on the Spiritual Healing Journey blog. The ad is for something called TAT Life. I have been practising Reiki for 11 years now, and reading the information on TAT Life seemed pretty straight forward. So I got myself into the pose and went through the first three steps. I didn't even realize I'd been holding on to my anxiety experience so tightly until I began to let it go. Postpartum Anxiety is something that just happened to me. It happened, but I am okay now and I am ready to heal myself.

Everything that happens to us is a matter of circumstance, but how you remember your experience is a matter of perspective. I sometimes look back on the hard times I had, and I realize now that I have been too hard on myself for the way I handled things. I honestly did the very best I could at the time, and I am at peace with that now.

I am a wonderful mom, blessed with two beautiful, happy, healthy children. The way I see it, I am doing a fantastic job. I'm ready to be here now.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Lessons from a Cat

Within the depths of my soul, there was always a place for you,
It was within the time we shared that I belonged to you too.
Now that you have left this place, and moved on to become renewed,
You should know I'll always keep my heart clean, pure and true. - Nicole Aracki

For I know that nothing less could satisfy the way you always expected more from me. And now that you've transcended, I know that the lessons you taught me will keep teaching me for the rest of this life.

1. Love. Love everything and everyone.
2. Enthusiasm. Be enthusiastic and excited about every moment.
3. Faith. Have faith that you will receive all the things you truly want in life.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Seasons and Sabbats

There is a very deep and distinct connection to nature that we as humans, every one of us, possess. Whether you are religious or not, you probably notice that you feel a certain way at certain times of the year. When Spring is on it’s way, there is a feeling of hope, renewal and joy. Have you recognized the feeling you get when the leaves are falling off the trees and the warm glow of summer is slowly waning away? We all sense that Fall is a time of renewal, a time to sow seeds for the distant Spring, and to get ourselves ready for the encroaching Winter.

These things seem obvious, perhaps even trivial to some, but I see a cycle in all of it. I’m not talking about the obvious cycle of the four seasons, but the cycle of my own life.

Nature-based religions recognize eight sabbats throughout the year. If you look into it, each sabbat reflects the inner workings of our own selves. Nature is a reflection of you.

Observing the Sabbats is an extremely effective way to observe the mechanics of your life. You can use these auspicious times of the year to check in with your dreams and goals, but more especially the present moment. If you can be prepared and know that you usually feel some sadness in the dark months of the year, you’ll be better prepared to deal with the sadness, to set some things up as a defensive measure or a precaution. You can also begin to observe your thoughts – perhaps you always think of taking a trip in February, but you never make the call to your travel agent. Or maybe every September you yearn to try something new – take a course or start swimming!

The more aware you are of your life, and the more you are doing to constantly improve it, the better your life is going to be! You can start really thinking about what you want to do within the next year of your life. As a society, we become so wrapped up in the fast pace that we often forget that our lives are accumulating more quickly than we’d like. Even if you only take a few minutes to observe your self and your situation, the point is that it’s a commitment to yourself. It is a commitment to constantly grow and learn, to take risks and even to fail. Perhaps the most difficult part of this is having to truly reflect on the current state of your life. We all work hard to be good people, to make enough money, to feel secure and to stay healthy physically. But do we work hard at really taking care of ourselves? Can you honestly say that you’ve been good to yourself, have taken alone time for yourself, have indulged a little to celebrate your life? During the Sabbats I like to sit quietly and become the observer of my thoughts. Sometimes I question my thoughts, especially the ones rooted in fear. When you become aware of your thoughts in this way, you can begin to control your thoughts.

Nature is a reflection of you , and you are a reflection of the Universe. If you are a reflection of the Universe, then you are also in charge of your destiny. You are the Creator. So take charge, in whatever way makes sense to you and GO for it!