Thursday, August 27, 2009

Oneness and Peace

During my meditation this morning, I was having trouble focusing because thoughts kept speeding through my mind. So I decided to become the observer of my thoughts. I got my mind clear, and almost immediately, I saw an image. I put it away for later, and a word came into my mind. Then another image - put away. Then a phrase - put away! I was truly amazed at how my mind was trying everything and anything just to get me out of that blank space. Why do I constantly try to fill my mind with something? I can only guess that it is the Ego who puts on such shows, for some strange, unknown "gain".

What I neglected to mention above was the joy I experienced in the blank spaces between my thoughts. What a blissful, joyful connection I felt today! It took some discipline, self control and willpower to allow myself to enjoy that feeling of freedom, but it was so beautiful. I want to live my life in the light of the truth.

This feeling is exactly the same as the feeling I had once as a child. We went to church when I was a child, every Sunday and Wednesday. I was eleven years old, sitting near the front, trying to tune out as usual. But something the minister said grabbed my attention. He was talking (for the umpteenth time) about being "saved". It was almost as if he were pleading. He said "If you haven't asked Jesus to save you yet, what are you waiting for?" And I, in my child's mind, thought "Why haven't I? Well, maybe I should try." And so I opened my heart as wide as I could, and I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I felt a warm, loving feeling swarm into my heart centre ... enveloping my whole self. At that moment, I knew that God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell and all the rest of it - had nothing to do with this feeling. This feeling is something we are all privy to, and whatever avenues you need to go through in order to get it are your own! This is what makes us all equal.

I am so grateful for today. I am grateful for the peace, the joy and the abundance of all life. I am grateful for all the good things I can and cannot see. I am so grateful to be Alive!

May your day be lit up with love, freedom and joy!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Choose Your Moments

Today I really felt the peace and the love of the Universe. I woke up early to meditate, which is something I haven't done in many many months. At first I was having trouble waking up, as you can imagine. But slowly, the gentleness of the morning permeated my body, and finally my mind. I felt a warmth in my heart, and it began slowly spreading through my entire body.

This feeling carried through the entire morning, when I had to take the kids to the auto dealer for a small repair - while we waited quietly and patiently for about half an hour. (They are very small children - this was huge for me!) The feeling was still inside me when I realized it was only 9:30, and there was the entire morning left to just ... let my kids be kids, and go where the day would take us! So we went to the bakery for a yummy treat, which we ate outside on a bench. We watched a pair of crows eating pods in a tree. Then we got back in the car to go home, but decided on a whim to just go to the park. This particular park has big beautiful pine trees, and the amazing dry, sweet smell that comes with that. My two little angels were running through the trees with unbridled joy. What a peaceful, joyful feeling.

I have been on a quest as of late to live in the moment. But I also believe in situations being "good enough". Choose Your Moments. That's what makes them special! Choose your moments with absolute intention, and Be absolutely dedicated to experiencing every aspect of that moment. You will thank yourself for the gift of being present.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ch-Ch-Changes ...

I can feel the earth preparing for the change from summer to fall ... It is still warm outside and the sun still shines, but on occasion I can feel a subtle chill in the air. I love fall. It is the time of year that I was born, and I've always felt connected to this precious season. It is a time of excitement, of newness, and a time of raw possibility. Perhaps that is why I'm feeling restless, concerned and introverted as of late. I feel better when I am looking forward. I feel the best when I am living in the immediate moment.

I wonder what this new year will bring? It seems as though many people are feeling some tumult right now, almost in anticipation of some radical changes. I have been cowering these past few weeks, unsure of what changes are coming, but now I am ready to emerge. I am ready to embrace whatever comes my way. I am ready to create something bigger.

Just as the earth has her annual phases, we do too. Are you prepared to shed the leaves of your former self in order to save your energy for a season of silence? For that is what Winter can bring. It seems strange to be thinking about winter's approach, but I'm going to prepare myself this year. Winter came way too quickly last year, and I am going to be ready! To me, winter is a season of creativity. The darkness helps us to focus on what is directly in front of us. It is important to gather energy now in order to deal with this. Picture yourself as a squirrel gathering bits of food, information and energy. Enjoy these last days of summer, because they are fleeting! Get outside in the sunshine as much as you possibly can - run through your sprinkler, man, because there's not a lot of time left!!

I am preparing for Change. I am readying for what I do not know. I will be prepared.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


There is something welling up inside of me, a change, a newness. While I'm not sure exactly what will come from it, there are times when we must trust the process. The older I get, the more I realize that Change is a consistent occurence in my life, and I am powerless to resist it. And why would I want to resist anyway? It is time for me to move with the onward motion of the river of my life. I've not much else to say on the subject today, but I will.

Peace, blessings and love to you ~ Nicole

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Leaf of Change

I am slowly turning over a leaf of change. I feel as though I had emptied myself out, and I wasn't sure what to do. My Uncle gave me some sage advice. He said that we do need to search sometimes in order to remain connected to the divine source, because without this reassurance we can feel lost. He said to be very aware of the ego at this time, and to ask for space to simply Be, without Ego. I have already had a few opportunities to test myself, and I am feeling very pure right now.

I have been meditating more, and even did a bit of yoga last night, after a long run. I am trying to fill myself up with all good things. I am feeling strangely disciplined as of late ... I am trying not to make assumptions as to where this transition could lead to.

I would just like to enjoy every moment. To truly notice each situation for what is really is. To keep that Ego in check.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Times of Change

For the first time in my life, someone has made an observation about me that truly struck a nerve. My husband pointed out to me that I seem to always be searching for something. He indicated that maybe this was preventing me from living in the moment and truly being happy. This has never happened to me before. No one has ever, ever given me this kind of insight on myself, and agitated me so much. I immediately became defensive, because I felt so incredibly vulnerable. Why did this get to me so deeply? Am I always searching? And what exactly am I looking for? And now what do I do with this information? I honestly do try to live in the moment, and I believe I’m successful about 90% of the time. But, I have to admit, that other 10% is definitely spent on observing, analyzing and searching for reasons why, what ifs and would I be able to’s. Does this make me happy? No. But the rewards of ever-probing Life itself does come in waves… I can’t measure how often these moments arise, but I do know that it is worth it for me. Or at least it has been until now.

Since as far back as I can remember, I've been able to view my life as spiritual. I feel like I've had so many breakthroughs in my thinking, and I truly have come far, but with each "awakening" I ask myself the same question: "Now what do I do with this knowledge?" For the first time in my life, I am saying that I will not go searching for more. I am just trying to Be, right now, right in this singular moment. Right in this 1000th moment, I am just Being.

I honestly feel that at this moment, the house of spirituality I built up for myself is strange to me now. I feel as though the walls are beginning to crack a little, and that is a little scary. I can also feel that this is necessary. Everything in me feels restless with the coming change. I am in that space of uneasiness, wondering what will happen next and where I might be led. This uncertainty, too, is necessary. I suppose it is time to begin preparing to make room for change. I did a healing ritual with Licious and another close friend the other night. It was a time to purge unwanted habits and patterns, and to ask our Ancestors and guides for healing. I know I need to go a few steps further and cleanse my home and property, and I need to be gentle with myself right now.

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase" ~ Martin Luther King