For a small while I have been neglecting to observe my thoughts. So I was a bit shocked when I finally got around to this purging task. I have been incredibly self-focused in the last little while. Something had been building inside of me that just wouldn't stop nagging in the very back of my mind. I realized that I have been defining the present by what happened in the past. I have been hanging on to my postpartum anxiety and allowing it to dictate my demeanor, my moods and my actions. I have been focusing on how I felt about starting up a support group, but I should have been focusing on the women who were about to gather together. I realize now that just sitting in a room together is powerful for all of us. This huge spiritual transition we are all experiencing immediately makes us sisters.
My realization came when I decided to check out an ad I've noticed a few times on the Spiritual Healing Journey blog. The ad is for something called TAT Life. I have been practising Reiki for 11 years now, and reading the information on TAT Life seemed pretty straight forward. So I got myself into the pose and went through the first three steps. I didn't even realize I'd been holding on to my anxiety experience so tightly until I began to let it go. Postpartum Anxiety is something that just happened to me. It happened, but I am okay now and I am ready to heal myself.
Everything that happens to us is a matter of circumstance, but how you remember your experience is a matter of perspective. I sometimes look back on the hard times I had, and I realize now that I have been too hard on myself for the way I handled things. I honestly did the very best I could at the time, and I am at peace with that now.
I am a wonderful mom, blessed with two beautiful, happy, healthy children. The way I see it, I am doing a fantastic job. I'm ready to be here now.