We are continually transforming, whether we are aware of the process or not. Sometimes a transformation takes place over a looong amount of time, and you didn't even know you were getting anywhere until the journey was through. It is not easy to be aware of your shortcomings, obstacles and negative patterns. In fact, it takes a lot of strength to be honest with yourself, and to face these destructive ways of being. But it hurts more to ignore the way you limit yourself. It hurts a lot to look back and see how we limited ourselves even as children. I catch myself saying things that limit my own children now. Sometimes I call myself on it right in front of them because they deserve to believe in their highest potential. I have actually said to them, "You know what, you shouldn't listen to what I just said. You can do anything you want to do". Aren't we here to reach for that highest potential?
I made a decision this winter that I am no longer going to limit myself with my thoughts and actions. It was a huge revelation for me to say this out loud, but I didn't know that this statement was going to be challenged. I just assumed that this declaration would be like all my other declarations: I believe in this new statement for a while, get really good at recognizing the pattern, and then drop it when my interest wanes. This time I don't have the opportunity to repeat myself. This time I actually must face my lifelong pattern of behaving weak and slow and not good enough. I am challenging these beliefs because I want to be strong. I want to rise up in all ways and seize this life I have always wanted to have. I want to be the person I have always wanted to be. This highest potential that I've denied myself for so long.
My vehicle for this transformation is my own two legs. I will be running a 50km ultra marathon, on the trail, in June. This is happening in my hometown of Squamish. I have also decided, after ten years of wanting it, to enroll in yoga teacher training this Fall. And I am so excited to be in this place!!!
Showing posts with label transformation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transformation. Show all posts
Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday, July 16, 2010
Transformation: Final Stage
I am slowly coming through a recent transformation, and it has been the longest concentrated process of change I have been through. There has been a consistent feeling of a very silent surface … with very much going on inside of me. I am relieved to have finally come to a life-changing realization. For some reason, it will be difficult for me to post on this blog, but in reality, it is only hard on my Ego.
Eleven years ago, I received my First Level Reiki certificate. This happened during another transformation, where I was coming out of a dangerous place in my mind; a time during which I had abused my mind, spirit and body. Reiki, and the community that came with it, cradled me through some difficult memories. I was twenty years old, with no direction, and no real idea about the big world around us. Really, I had little confidence in myself and my abilities. I thought that because spirituality was the only thing I understood fully, surely my career would follow this path. (What else could I be good at?) To be honest, I actually felt obligated to the art of Reiki to incorporate it into my life fully, in order to repay the Universe for the gifts I was given. Writing this now, I realize that there are no debts to the Universe, most certainly not for the gift of healing! I know now that my only obligation is to enjoy my life, sharing all the love that I can, and living mindfully.
So I started asking myself some questions: What is my passion? What do I love to do? The answer came to me so simply: I love to write and I love to bake. I saw a vision of myself in my own bakery, helping people, brightening their day with something sweet, sharing my love and my passion, giving a gift. There were other times that I tossed the idea of baking around, but I always had a million reasons why I wasn’t good enough to pursue it. I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner! In my early twenties, I worked at an amazing bakery called The Wildflour Bakery in Sechelt, on the Sunshine Coast. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was soaking up the techniques like a sponge. I would watch the bakers making cakes, tarts, bars, cookies and bread ~ fascinated. I would ask questions, watch how their hands moved, notice what the bread dough looked like under their hands, or how firmly they were pressing shortbread into pans. Even when I moved back to Squamish, working at a financial planner’s office, there just happened to be a French pastry chef working across the street. I loved to go there, some weeks it was every day, to pick up something sweet. I remember longing to go into the kitchen to watch Alain perform his magic, but I never asked.
Baking has always been a passion. And now I am ready to pursue it fully … so I’ve opened a home-based business! I am already busy filling orders, and I have to say, I absolutely love it. I feel like I am doing exactly what I should be doing. Living my life.
Eleven years ago, I received my First Level Reiki certificate. This happened during another transformation, where I was coming out of a dangerous place in my mind; a time during which I had abused my mind, spirit and body. Reiki, and the community that came with it, cradled me through some difficult memories. I was twenty years old, with no direction, and no real idea about the big world around us. Really, I had little confidence in myself and my abilities. I thought that because spirituality was the only thing I understood fully, surely my career would follow this path. (What else could I be good at?) To be honest, I actually felt obligated to the art of Reiki to incorporate it into my life fully, in order to repay the Universe for the gifts I was given. Writing this now, I realize that there are no debts to the Universe, most certainly not for the gift of healing! I know now that my only obligation is to enjoy my life, sharing all the love that I can, and living mindfully.
So I started asking myself some questions: What is my passion? What do I love to do? The answer came to me so simply: I love to write and I love to bake. I saw a vision of myself in my own bakery, helping people, brightening their day with something sweet, sharing my love and my passion, giving a gift. There were other times that I tossed the idea of baking around, but I always had a million reasons why I wasn’t good enough to pursue it. I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner! In my early twenties, I worked at an amazing bakery called The Wildflour Bakery in Sechelt, on the Sunshine Coast. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was soaking up the techniques like a sponge. I would watch the bakers making cakes, tarts, bars, cookies and bread ~ fascinated. I would ask questions, watch how their hands moved, notice what the bread dough looked like under their hands, or how firmly they were pressing shortbread into pans. Even when I moved back to Squamish, working at a financial planner’s office, there just happened to be a French pastry chef working across the street. I loved to go there, some weeks it was every day, to pick up something sweet. I remember longing to go into the kitchen to watch Alain perform his magic, but I never asked.
Baking has always been a passion. And now I am ready to pursue it fully … so I’ve opened a home-based business! I am already busy filling orders, and I have to say, I absolutely love it. I feel like I am doing exactly what I should be doing. Living my life.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
The Dark Side of Change
When it comes to writing, I have a bad habit of only writing when I feel balanced. In this moment, I am going through a transformation … one that is feeling quite large and a bit unmanageable right now. I find that resisting the transformation was making it incredibly more difficult to deal with. I am now trying to allow the process to unfold without interfering. Some days I’m not sure if I can be strong enough to face the dark side of my spirituality – the side that shapeshifts, that turns everything I know out of me, changing my perceptions forever. How can I simply accept the fact that I am being changed forever, that everything that makes me who I am will be gone?
Well, perhaps not everything about me will change … but that is the hard part – not knowing what to expect.
For three years, I have been asking for freedom from anxiety, for direction in my life once the kids go to school, and for clarity of my life’s purpose. I’m beginning to think that my life’s purpose is just to live it, and that thought honestly makes me feel a little disappointed. Aren’t I meant to do something Big? Aren’t I meant to change peoples’ lives? Aren’t I meant to feel peace and harmony once I find this “life’s purpose”? For the most part of this period of discomfort I am going through, I have tossed my hands in the air asking, “What’s the point? What’s the point of being spiritual? What’s the point of trying so hard and I am seemingly getting Nowhere?”
The only one of my beliefs that seems to be sticking for me right now is one that my mother taught me when I was very young: The Golden Rule ~ Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be nice to people. Give them something of yourself – a smile, a hand on the shoulder, a laugh. That gentle consideration of others that is often lacking in our world, because of insecurity, fear, weakness.
What began this transformation was, of course, the Sound Healing workshop I attended a few weeks ago. After the workshop was over, I felt compelled to thank Danielea ~ I didn’t know what I was thanking her for, and I still don’t. After a few days, I think I realized that I was only at the beginning of something much larger, and the darkness set in pretty quickly. It was only a few days ago that I finally asked for guidance, ending my resistance to this change. I pulled one of the Mayan Oracle Cards and was blown away by what I chose. CAUAC - You are entering into a time of profound quickening and transformation . You have come to the edge of what you have known yourself to be. Cauac beckons you to step into a fire that changes every level of your being, even the underlying structures of your life. Step into the unknown - your metamorphosis has begun!
I am finding it incredibly challenging to write about this at a time where I have no resolution or reason for the emotions I’m feeling. But perhaps that is part of the process of change ... for me, there is no better way to own up to how I'm feeling than writing on this blog.
If anyone else has stories of transformation, I would love to hear them ... I am asking for guidance and help with all of this, because I feel incredibly overwhelmed right now.
In Gratitude ~ Nicole
The only one of my beliefs that seems to be sticking for me right now is one that my mother taught me when I was very young: The Golden Rule ~ Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be nice to people. Give them something of yourself – a smile, a hand on the shoulder, a laugh. That gentle consideration of others that is often lacking in our world, because of insecurity, fear, weakness.
What began this transformation was, of course, the Sound Healing workshop I attended a few weeks ago. After the workshop was over, I felt compelled to thank Danielea ~ I didn’t know what I was thanking her for, and I still don’t. After a few days, I think I realized that I was only at the beginning of something much larger, and the darkness set in pretty quickly. It was only a few days ago that I finally asked for guidance, ending my resistance to this change. I pulled one of the Mayan Oracle Cards and was blown away by what I chose. CAUAC - You are entering into a time of profound quickening and transformation . You have come to the edge of what you have known yourself to be. Cauac beckons you to step into a fire that changes every level of your being, even the underlying structures of your life. Step into the unknown - your metamorphosis has begun!
I am finding it incredibly challenging to write about this at a time where I have no resolution or reason for the emotions I’m feeling. But perhaps that is part of the process of change ... for me, there is no better way to own up to how I'm feeling than writing on this blog.
If anyone else has stories of transformation, I would love to hear them ... I am asking for guidance and help with all of this, because I feel incredibly overwhelmed right now.
In Gratitude ~ Nicole
Monday, January 26, 2009
Transformation
I am feeling so good today, especially after my workout this afternoon. It feels good to be taking care of my physical body, when for so much of my life I’ve focused on my spiritual and emotional bodies. I feel stronger now than I ever have in my life. I feel like I’ve grown in so many ways since having babies. I feel focused, powerful, intuitive and strong, on all levels. Of course, I feel Love more powerfully than anything. I am taking care of our world's most obvious gift - new life.
My children bring so much joy to others. People always stop to talk to them, to try and make them smile. Mostly older people. They realize how important children are to our existence. They laugh when they think something is funny, they run and call out when they're happy, they cry when they're sad, they crawl in your lap when they need a cuddle. Their needs are so simple. But if you think about it, our needs, as grown ups are simple too. We could learn a lot from the little ones.
Eat when you're hungry. Drink when you're thirsty. Sleep when you're tired. *Buddhist Proverb
My children bring so much joy to others. People always stop to talk to them, to try and make them smile. Mostly older people. They realize how important children are to our existence. They laugh when they think something is funny, they run and call out when they're happy, they cry when they're sad, they crawl in your lap when they need a cuddle. Their needs are so simple. But if you think about it, our needs, as grown ups are simple too. We could learn a lot from the little ones.
Eat when you're hungry. Drink when you're thirsty. Sleep when you're tired. *Buddhist Proverb
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