Friday, May 27, 2011

Ongoing Transformation

We are continually transforming, whether we are aware of the process or not. Sometimes a transformation takes place over a looong amount of time, and you didn't even know you were getting anywhere until the journey was through. It is not easy to be aware of your shortcomings, obstacles and negative patterns. In fact, it takes a lot of strength to be honest with yourself, and to face these destructive ways of being. But it hurts more to ignore the way you limit yourself. It hurts a lot to look back and see how we limited ourselves even as children. I catch myself saying things that limit my own children now. Sometimes I call myself on it right in front of them because they deserve to believe in their highest potential. I have actually said to them, "You know what, you shouldn't listen to what I just said. You can do anything you want to do". Aren't we here to reach for that highest potential?

I made a decision this winter that I am no longer going to limit myself with my thoughts and actions. It was a huge revelation for me to say this out loud, but I didn't know that this statement was going to be challenged. I just assumed that this declaration would be like all my other declarations: I believe in this new statement for a while, get really good at recognizing the pattern, and then drop it when my interest wanes. This time I don't have the opportunity to repeat myself. This time I actually must face my lifelong pattern of behaving weak and slow and not good enough. I am challenging these beliefs because I want to be strong. I want to rise up in all ways and seize this life I have always wanted to have. I want to be the person I have always wanted to be. This highest potential that I've denied myself for so long.

My vehicle for this transformation is my own two legs. I will be running a 50km ultra marathon, on the trail, in June. This is happening in my hometown of Squamish. I have also decided, after ten years of wanting it, to enroll in yoga teacher training this Fall. And I am so excited to be in this place!!!

1 comment:

  1. Oh, oh, oh!!! I am sooo excited for you! This sentence "I made a decision this winter that I am no longer going to limit myself with my thoughts and actions." is just perfection to me. I want to do the same.

    Good luck in the running. I have wanted to do this for so long, yet my body gives up too easily...I actually make fibro worse with it. So I will be running along with you in my imagination, Nicole. I also know you will be an amazing yoga day perhaps I can take a class you're teaching. One never knows.

    I''m really happy for you in all ways, dear friend! xo