Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Needy Black Cat

It's not often that I receive inspiration to write in the evenings, but tonight inspiration parked itself in front of me, asking for a response. I went out for a walk with a good friend, weaving through the downtown neighborhood. We stopped in front of a house to chat for a moment, and I heard a little meow ... I, of course, made a kissing-come-hither-kitty noise, and the cat came running. A beautiful black slithering leg rubbing thing, he decided to come on a walkabout with us. We walked and walked, and soon realized we should loop back and drop the kitty off where we found him ... we talked to a neighbor who didn't know who he could belong to. And so he followed us some more.

My friend kept saying that I was meant to bring him home, but I knew deep down that this was a test from the Universe. This week I took back my body, and have come full circle from surrendering to pregnancy and childbirth. I have given a lot of myself, physically, mentally and emotionally. We don't realize as we are embracing pregnancy and new-motherhood that we will be giving so much of ourselves over to sustain new life. We don't put a lot of thought into how things will affect us in the long run, and the impact of all that we say and do as those children grow. I realized, as this darling creature was following us, that he would probably be a trouble maker, and an attention fiend, and that he would most likely yowl through the night ~ I could see this neediness in him. What he really needed is someone who needs him back with just as much intensity. And so I kept walking, even when the lights of the downtown core brightened around us. And I kept walking, even when he stopped to sit on the sidewalk, knowing full well he shouldn't go any further. He called after me, asking "What do I do now? Where do I go? I'm hungry!" I kept walking because I knew that I could not provide the things for him that he ought to have. Even though it truly broke my heart.

Halfway down the next block, there were some people eating a late dinner on a bench. I heard the woman say "Could we go somewhere warmer to eat?", and it crossed my mind to mention the cat, but quickly disregarded it. I didn't say anything at all. My friend and I sent lots of love and light to the sweet, lonely, friendly, silky-smooth black kitty. He would surely find his place. We separated to our vehicles, and just as I started my van, my friend looped around with her window open to tell me that the cat was now with the people sitting on the bench. I feel that the cat is safe now, and has secured himself a home with someone who can devote the love, time, and attention that he will certainly require.

It is not up to me to feed the world, clothe the world, or comfort the world. Once upon a time I believed that I could survive on the love in my heart, but as I've matured, I have begun to realize that when you give too much of yourself you end up with less. When you learn to trust the Universe, and know that the Universe provides everything we need and ask for, you begin to develop the talent for channeling that energy. What I witnessed tonight is that I don't have to provide everything for everyone, and that I am not the only person who can provide solace to someone in need. We are always offered the people, circumstances and experiences that we need to grow. It is up to us to accept or decline.


  1. Peace is a gift,
    It is a gift we give to ourselves,
    And then to each other.

  2. Hello Nicole,

    Love this post! For many people who are on the spiritual path,there is a feeling of guilt when saying "no" to someone in need. To know how much you are able and willing to give,takes good discrimination and clarity.

    Thanks for sharing your deep wisdom!

  3. Nikki: Thanks for your beautiful words! And so true ... so true.

    Miruh: It is hard to say no sometimes, especially when the question is asked more than once ... When we can say no in an honest way, we are giving a gift to ourselves.

    Thank you for your comments ~ Blessed Be ~ Nicole

  4. Truly wise. I know for myself that giving until I exhausted myself at one point was actually a kind of self-sabotage, and based in a sense of unworthiness that I had to make up for. We really do have to tend to ourselves in order to tend to others.