I believe my anxiety may have reached it's peak over the weekend. I was visiting my mom and other extended family, and we had a great time the first day. But that evening I became quite ill. I was lying in bed, trying to get to sleep, and I felt so much anxiety.
I was trying to quell it with my new technique: "What's wrong?" ... "What if one of the kids wakes up?" ... "You go to them and get them back to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time." .... "But what if my grandma or one of my aunts thinks I'm not doing it right?" ... "They aren't the ones who have to deal with it. You know all this."
Usually this inner dialogue is extremely effective. Now, I don't know if what happened next was anxiety-related, or if I ate something bad or what. I was freezing cold, and the two tiny lights on the TV were driving me nuts. So I went upstairs to sleep on the couch. I was still cold, and starting to feel quite nauseous, but fell asleep after a time. I woke up to have my third bowel movement of the night and ended up throwing up in the bathtub. Awful awful, blech.
My Uncle does energy work, and thankfully he dropped by the following day. I felt him pulling some major grief and ache from my heart chakra, and I felt the weakness in my stomache slowly being sent down through my legs and out. I didn't feel 100% but I felt a lot better after the healing.
Do I need to set out a plan of action, or can I finally move on now? What are my intentions for today? I really want to move on. I am moving on. Now that I have a technique for dealing with these feelings - acknowledging them rather than pushing them away - can I just be the happy, fun and outgoing person that I AM? I sure hope so.
I am a fun, easy-going, happy, well-adjusted person! Everything in my life is going really well. My kids are happy & healthy. I have a fantastic, loving and caring husband. I am healthy & happy. AND I am going to be 30! I'd better get going to plan my party :o)