Post Partum Depression (PPD)

Anxiety is something we are hearing a lot more about as of late. In three of the magazines I subscribe to, I have read articles pertaining to this "silent epidemic". In these same magazines, I've read the author advising sufferers that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help. But CBT is not the only option.

I have personally suffered from anxiety since I had my first child three years ago, but only recently realized it. Now, thinking back, I was pushing away those feelings, pretending it wasn't happening. My anxiety worsened to the point that I had much difficulty getting to sleep every night. It was only when I acknowledged my feelings, and admitted that I was feeling anxious, that I started to make progress. It was around this time that White Chocolate and I began exchanging healing treatments.

I completed the Post Partum Depression (PPD) questionnaires with my doctor, and was thankfully found not to have PPD. However, my scores must have been near-borderline because he advised me to start taking time for myself. A few hours in the morning, without kids, to go and do things that make me feel like myself. Thankfully, I have a very understanding husband, who accomodated my need to have time alone. My first outing was just a trip to the coffee shop - one hour, one indulgent coffee, and one fashion mag (read front to back with NO interruptions).

We all need time alone, to think and relax, and to generate our own thoughts and insights into who we are. And if you do feel anxiety, or pain, or fear - Acknowledge It. Don't let it be silently covering you up.

The Spirit Within

There's something about Autumn that is so renewing to me. Winter will be on his way soon, and we must prepare. I have so much energy, so many ideas right now, and so many plans, that I'm not sure if I'll fit it all in. And I always feel like the ideas could slip out of my mind just as quickly as I received them.

But I have one idea, a recurring idea, which somehow, someday will need to be implemented. That is the idea of bringing many people of different religions and spiritualities together. We would discuss what spirituality means to us, personally. What does it feel like when you are completely connected? How do you get to that place? Feel free to give me your ideas.

Grasshopper Symbology

There was a grasshopper on the outside of my kitchen window for 24 hours! So I thought I'd look up the symbology of that:

Grasshopper- Grasshoppers can only jump forward....not backward, or sideways. So, when grasshopper shows up he could be reaffirming to you that you are taking the right steps to move forward in your current situation. Or it could be that he is telling you to go ahead and move forward. Get past what's hindering you. This is why grasshopper is the symbol of good luck all over the world. Grasshopper's ability to connect and understand sound vibrations is why he is also a symbol of your inner voice. he could be telling you to trust yours.

http://www.geocities.com/amythclass/insect.html

Change is Good

What would happen if every single being on this planet stopped looking outside themselves for the answers?

What would happen if teenagers graduating from high school looked inside their own souls to "find themselves"?

What would it be like if no one cared about what other people thought of them?

It would be beautiful.

YOU are a good person

We are all good people. I am. You are. We all are. We are all good people when we are listening to our true inner selves. Let go of your past. Let go of any guilt or shame, and forgive yourself. This is freedom!

I am making a conscious decision to be good today, and you can too. Let your inner spirit guide you.

The wind blows through my hair, and I feel free.

Signs and Symbols - Do you have to be knocked over the head with it?

It is so important to pay attention to signs and symbols. For nearly three years now, I've been seeing eagles, and more recently hawks, on a very frequent basis. I know that birds of prey are revered creatures, symbolising strength and protection. But it took me until just the other day to actually search for the answer, and to actually say "What are you trying to tell me?". Maybe I was not ready to hear the answer until now: http://www.eaglespiritministry.com/works/ese.htm

Eagle represents a state of grace that is reached through inner work, understanding and passing the initiation tests that result from reclaiming our personal power. It is the patience to wait for the appropriate moment. It is to live in balance with heaven and earth. Eagle asks us to grant ourselves permission to be free in order to reach the joy that our heart desires.

I am encroaching on a big birthday (a lady never tells, so don't ask!) and I really feel I am entering into a new phase of my life. We all are.

Changing my perception

I would love to dedicate some time to getting back in shape, after having two babies, but it's hard to do it sometimes. I am actually really lucky because I've lost all of the baby weight, plus some more. But I don't feel that physical strength.

So yesterday afternoon, I was reading my Chatelaine mag, and I got on the floor and did the ab exercises! Yay me!!! What an accomplishment. And my abs are sore, deep in my core, so I know it was worth it! Maybe I'll do the exercises again tomorrow, when I'm not feeling so sore ...

But in the book I'm reading, it brought a very important issue to my attention. I often say things like "I'll have more energy once I have time to work out" or "I'll start training for a run next year, and that will make me feel really good about myself".

Why should I wait to feel good? And why do I need to do these things to feel good? I don't. Once I changed my perception about that, I amazingly started to feel really good! Try it, maybe it will work for you too!

Back on track

The days have been going by so quickly. We are trying to enjoy the last days of summer totally and completely. We've had a busy week, and I haven't had a lot of alone time, so maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit frazzled lately. My alone time is really important to me.

We have more company coming in two days, so I need to set some time aside to mentally prepare for it. It's always an adjustment when visitors stay awhile. It takes time to adjust to the change in energy. Thankfully, our company is staying a week, so it shouldn't be a visit where tons of fun has to be packed into two days! That is always hard on me...

My new challenge is to treat each person I encounter as a part of myself. I am surprised at how much better I treat people when I change my perception like that. It is amazing what you can do when you change your perception, just a little.

However, lately I am feeling very angry when people don't come clean with exactly what they are thinking, or what they are going to do. Yesterday I had a reflexology appointment at the spa. There was no one at the front desk when I arrived, so I went right upstairs (they usually have another receptionist up there). I waited ten minutes and no one arrived, so I went back to the front desk. The short story here is that the practitioner shortened my treatment by 15 minutes! But she didn't explain it or anything. It wasn't my fault no one was there to greet me! It was totally unprofessional. I was going to call the manager to complain tomorrow, but perhaps I should speak to the practitioner herself. That would be the right thing to do. That is what I should do. I will do that. Even though it's scary to confront people ...

It is in you

The very thing we all seek is already within us, but we are so afraid to confront ourselves. We are so afraid that we'll see something we don't like. But I promise you, if you look at your true self, you won't be disappointed.

We are all good people. We are all good souls. And we are all going to heaven, in whichever way we imagine it to be.

Spirituality is that quiet, peaceful center within you. Religion cannot define it. We all have the same place in our souls. BE WHO YOU ARE AND NOTHING LESS.

Goddess Chant

I have begun preparing myself for an upcoming ritual White Chocolate and I have planned. Here is a beautiful chant I found at http://www.witchscauldron.net/cauldron/chants.htm#goddess


We will never
Never lose our way to the well
And the memory
Of the power
Of her living flame
It will rise
It will rise again

Getting her sass back

Well everyone in my house is healthy again. Thank god. My daughter got her sass back ... had to put her on the naughty spot about five times today! Naughty naughty naughty.

It has been a rainy day. I totally indulged myself when the kiddies went down for a nap. I made sticky buns today and enjoyed two of them with a cup of tea, on the couch, with my feet up. Talk about living in the moment! It was fantastic.

I'm feeling pretty good today, but I can't get my sister's engagement out of my mind! I am so excited for her. She was such an angel during my wedding preparations, I am really looking forward to returning the favour! I just can't wait! And I won't really have to - she's getting married in November! Yay!

Love is in the Air

I just found out today that my younger sister is getting married! I am so excited for her. She deserves her happiness. I am feeling the love this week .... my wedding anniversary is coming up ... my sis is getting married ... I watched "You've Got Mail" tonight. It's all so lovely :o)

Peaceful Mornings

I am enjoying a nice, peaceful cup of coffee, alone, before the kids wake up. It is such a nice way to start the day .... aaaaahhhhh. Besides, I'd better get my energy up if I want to be on my game for today. I hope my daughter is feeling better.

Yesterday afternoon I laid a blanket on the grass in the shade. I did a beautiful meditation. It was windy, but warm. Everything started to sound very clear. I listened for my fountain, and it felt as though I were inside that sound. I listened to the wind blowing the leaves on the trees, and it was the only thing that existed to me at the time. I was healing myself, but it occured to me, in that space, I was healing the entire world. Everybody.

Meditation is clearing your mind of all conscious thought. Just allow yourself to exist, to just be. I find that acknowledging my body is a good way to start. What I mean by that is to focus on your feet, and allow them to relax, then your legs, and so on, all the way up to your brain. Then close your eyes and look at the darkness, focusing on what is happening in your brain. If a thought comes in, mentally brush it to the side. You could even visualize grabbing a broom and sweeping - whatever works. Once you do this enough, your brain will remember that now is a time for no-thought. Breathe into the nothingness. Feel all that beautiful energy of Potential.

Blessed be - Nicole

My daughter unfortunately got the flu I had.

Seeing my little girl so helpless, so sick, so needy ... it really puts life into perspective. All I want is for her to feel good. That is all I want for all of us - All of the human race even.

Now she is sleeping off her sickness. I am holding up amazingly well, considering my husband is sick as well, and my little boy has a huge molar coming through. I am looking after everyone! Man, I am SO glad I got sick several days ahead of them.

At the moment they are all asleep, and I am having some quiet time. Going to go and re-energize in the sunshine.

On the upside!

I am feeling really good today! My husband and I are really connecting these days, and that feels great. I am so lucky.

I am feeling really calm and more aware. My mantra has been "Live in the Moment". I know, it's such a cliche. I'm trying not to have huge expectations of myself, or of anyone. I want to enjoy my children now, so I don't regret anything later. I don't believe in regrets.

My life is a book that has not yet been written. There is no past, no future, only now. Only this singular moment in time. I am writing, and that's it. I hear my daughter upstairs, resisting her nap - how cute is that? The boy is soundly sleeping. And I am off to work my sista's biz!

Peak

I believe my anxiety may have reached it's peak over the weekend. I was visiting my mom and other extended family, and we had a great time the first day. But that evening I became quite ill. I was lying in bed, trying to get to sleep, and I felt so much anxiety.

I was trying to quell it with my new technique: "What's wrong?" ... "What if one of the kids wakes up?" ... "You go to them and get them back to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time." .... "But what if my grandma or one of my aunts thinks I'm not doing it right?" ... "They aren't the ones who have to deal with it. You know all this."

Usually this inner dialogue is extremely effective. Now, I don't know if what happened next was anxiety-related, or if I ate something bad or what. I was freezing cold, and the two tiny lights on the TV were driving me nuts. So I went upstairs to sleep on the couch. I was still cold, and starting to feel quite nauseous, but fell asleep after a time. I woke up to have my third bowel movement of the night and ended up throwing up in the bathtub. Awful awful, blech.

My Uncle does energy work, and thankfully he dropped by the following day. I felt him pulling some major grief and ache from my heart chakra, and I felt the weakness in my stomache slowly being sent down through my legs and out. I didn't feel 100% but I felt a lot better after the healing.

Do I need to set out a plan of action, or can I finally move on now? What are my intentions for today? I really want to move on. I am moving on. Now that I have a technique for dealing with these feelings - acknowledging them rather than pushing them away - can I just be the happy, fun and outgoing person that I AM? I sure hope so.

I am a fun, easy-going, happy, well-adjusted person! Everything in my life is going really well. My kids are happy & healthy. I have a fantastic, loving and caring husband. I am healthy & happy. AND I am going to be 30! I'd better get going to plan my party :o)

Working through it

The anxiety returns. I have been ignoring the feeling, pushing it away. But that hasn't been working, and I still feel anxious a lot of the time. So I am acknowledging it. I am sitting in it and trying to work through it and deal with it. Sometimes you have to feel worse before you can feel better, and I am not feeling that great right now. I don't want to pretend that I'm not feeling this way though. That hasn't worked for me in the past, and it will not work for me now.

I did a meditation this afternoon, and I felt myself moving into the anxiousness, and it is lingering. It is uncomfortable and I want out. However, I can't help but think that there is a message in the midst of all this chaos. So I am trying to sit in this feeling and I am waiting for ... something. This too shall soon pass, right? Man, someone tell me I'm right.

Take time to center yourself

"Take time to centre yourself". This was the heart card that White Chocolate pulled for me upon reading this blog. So it is just after lunch and I have centered myself 3 times already today! I didn't realize how quickly stress builds up in me! I think it could be the whining that really puts me over the edge ...

Anyhow, thought I should note, JO has informed me she would really prefer to be referred to as White Chocolate. So I am honouring her request, and that is her name now.

I am so excited - I get to see my Grandma in two days! I haven't seen her in over a year. Up until two years ago, I saw her about once every two months. I love spending time with elders. Can't wait to see her. Neither can my daughter!

Oh, I also heard from my very cool friend, I'll call her Twin Soul here. I don't hear from her too often, because she always has something going on. Her life is all-consuming. She seems to be experiencing as much as she possibly can in this life, and I find that incredibly inspiring. Twin Soul always has enough time and energy for me, and everyone else. (If you can pin her down, that is!) I may get to see her in the Fall, and I can't wait.