Growing up, I was never given a true example of how confrontation can be addressed in a positive way. Like most women in my mother's generation, confronting someone was seen as a very negative thing to do. I think there is a positive and constructive way to confront someone, but that doesn't make it easy.
Recently, I was forced to confront an acquaintance of mine who stepped over the line in our relationship. When it first happened I was willing to ignore it, to just let it go. But a friend of mine, when I told her what had happened, said to me "What kind of relationship do you want to have with this person? Do you want to allow this to happen again? Because by not saying anything, you are silently giving permission for this to happen again." I was sick for three days about the way this person overstepped the boundaries, and the feeling wouldn't go away. I was forced to confront the situation. I said my part and walked away, allowing this person a way out should they want to hide from me for a while, in shame. I also gave this person permission to discuss the situation with me. Honestly, one confrontation is enough for me, but should this person want to talk with me, I need to be open enough to listen. And strong enough to keep my boundaries clear.
A few months ago, when we put on the "Boundaries and You" workshop, I thought I knew something about boundaries because of my experiences in my family. It is so much harder when faced with a challenge outside of your comfort zone. By being passive in this particular relationship, I really was giving this person permission to walk all over me. And that wasn't right. It is okay for me - and you - to set up boundaries early on, and to confront another person when those boundaries are overstepped. For me, personally, I am hoping this whole situation will blow over quickly. With a new outline for us to follow, I am sure that this person and I can move on in this relationship amicably. There is always the chance that this person may be hurt or embarassed by what I had to say, but sometimes you need to call people on naughty behaviour. It wasn't right what happened, but because I said what I needed to say, I can feel myself forgiving this person. Having compassion for someone who wronged you can be a very powerful thing.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
The Dark Side of Change
When it comes to writing, I have a bad habit of only writing when I feel balanced. In this moment, I am going through a transformation … one that is feeling quite large and a bit unmanageable right now. I find that resisting the transformation was making it incredibly more difficult to deal with. I am now trying to allow the process to unfold without interfering. Some days I’m not sure if I can be strong enough to face the dark side of my spirituality – the side that shapeshifts, that turns everything I know out of me, changing my perceptions forever. How can I simply accept the fact that I am being changed forever, that everything that makes me who I am will be gone?
Well, perhaps not everything about me will change … but that is the hard part – not knowing what to expect.
For three years, I have been asking for freedom from anxiety, for direction in my life once the kids go to school, and for clarity of my life’s purpose. I’m beginning to think that my life’s purpose is just to live it, and that thought honestly makes me feel a little disappointed. Aren’t I meant to do something Big? Aren’t I meant to change peoples’ lives? Aren’t I meant to feel peace and harmony once I find this “life’s purpose”? For the most part of this period of discomfort I am going through, I have tossed my hands in the air asking, “What’s the point? What’s the point of being spiritual? What’s the point of trying so hard and I am seemingly getting Nowhere?”
The only one of my beliefs that seems to be sticking for me right now is one that my mother taught me when I was very young: The Golden Rule ~ Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be nice to people. Give them something of yourself – a smile, a hand on the shoulder, a laugh. That gentle consideration of others that is often lacking in our world, because of insecurity, fear, weakness.
What began this transformation was, of course, the Sound Healing workshop I attended a few weeks ago. After the workshop was over, I felt compelled to thank Danielea ~ I didn’t know what I was thanking her for, and I still don’t. After a few days, I think I realized that I was only at the beginning of something much larger, and the darkness set in pretty quickly. It was only a few days ago that I finally asked for guidance, ending my resistance to this change. I pulled one of the Mayan Oracle Cards and was blown away by what I chose. CAUAC - You are entering into a time of profound quickening and transformation . You have come to the edge of what you have known yourself to be. Cauac beckons you to step into a fire that changes every level of your being, even the underlying structures of your life. Step into the unknown - your metamorphosis has begun!
I am finding it incredibly challenging to write about this at a time where I have no resolution or reason for the emotions I’m feeling. But perhaps that is part of the process of change ... for me, there is no better way to own up to how I'm feeling than writing on this blog.
If anyone else has stories of transformation, I would love to hear them ... I am asking for guidance and help with all of this, because I feel incredibly overwhelmed right now.
In Gratitude ~ Nicole
The only one of my beliefs that seems to be sticking for me right now is one that my mother taught me when I was very young: The Golden Rule ~ Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be nice to people. Give them something of yourself – a smile, a hand on the shoulder, a laugh. That gentle consideration of others that is often lacking in our world, because of insecurity, fear, weakness.
What began this transformation was, of course, the Sound Healing workshop I attended a few weeks ago. After the workshop was over, I felt compelled to thank Danielea ~ I didn’t know what I was thanking her for, and I still don’t. After a few days, I think I realized that I was only at the beginning of something much larger, and the darkness set in pretty quickly. It was only a few days ago that I finally asked for guidance, ending my resistance to this change. I pulled one of the Mayan Oracle Cards and was blown away by what I chose. CAUAC - You are entering into a time of profound quickening and transformation . You have come to the edge of what you have known yourself to be. Cauac beckons you to step into a fire that changes every level of your being, even the underlying structures of your life. Step into the unknown - your metamorphosis has begun!
I am finding it incredibly challenging to write about this at a time where I have no resolution or reason for the emotions I’m feeling. But perhaps that is part of the process of change ... for me, there is no better way to own up to how I'm feeling than writing on this blog.
If anyone else has stories of transformation, I would love to hear them ... I am asking for guidance and help with all of this, because I feel incredibly overwhelmed right now.
In Gratitude ~ Nicole
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