On the afternoon of my last post, something happened to change my perspective drastically on my sibling relationships. Out of respect, I won't get into too many details about what transpired. But I will say that one of my sisters made a decision that I didn't agree with. I felt offended, hurt, betrayed that she could make this decision, even though in the big picture, it shouldn't affect me. I have always been overprotective of my sisters, probably since day one, and I have felt a responsibility to watch out for them. But I realized that I am not responsible for these women! My happiness is not dependant on theirs, and sooner or later I will have to let go of that.
I have begun that process already. Now that I am becoming aware of the deep energetic connection I have with her, I am realizing how much I am attached to her. So, several times a day, I find myself "cutting" that energetic cord, releasing my responsibility and allowing her to make her own choices. Without my judgements, which can be harsh and a little too honest, at times. So often in our relationship, I've wanted her to approve me, to accept and love me. Even if it involved betraying my true self. Perhaps that is why I found it appropriate for me to judge her, and to hold an idea in my mind of who she should be. When that isn't who she truly is.
Our families, no doubt, are the blank canvas with which we begin our lives. But we don't have to remain stagnant in anothers' perception of us, and our siblings do not need to either. Our definitions of each other must change, and we need to allow the opportunities in order for that to happen. Holding on to anger, hurt and disappointment only makes it harder to live a life independent of judgement. I am slowly learning this ... and I am not finding it all that easy. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I know that peace is waiting there for me. And my siblings, if they choose it.
I hear you Nicole! Someone told me once that we would be disrespectful to want to influence what another wishes to do, even if we see them going in a direction that we consider not beneficial. Perhaps they have to learn certain lessons that cannot be learned any other way. When it is our own sibling it is hard to watch. Love anyway is the only helpful thing to do as you know.
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Kudos to you, Nicole...so glad you got it! and that you will be there when your sisters are ready for you. It gets easier with time, as most things do!
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