Friday, May 14, 2010

Creating Change

There is something I need to learn about stagnancy. It seems as though everyone and everything around me is moving, doing, taking action. I feel as though I am in the eye of the storm where all is calm and still, yet just outside of this tiny world I'm in, there is a perfect chaos taking over. A chaos understood, and even planned by our beautiful Universe.

People come in and out of my life, teaching me, embracing what I have to offer, and then some of them leave. Some of the people I've met since I moved here have been exceptional, phenomenal people. People who I grew to love and accept wholly into my life as dear dear friends. Friendships that will last the rest of our lives. Please don't misunderstand ~ I am not complaining, or feeling sorry for myself. I am just trying to embrace the situation that is consistently being presented to me in this place.

Quesnel is an interesting place. What I've noticed is that the people who move here are confronted by what they first perceive as a wall ~ a wall of judgement and ... almost .... persecution. It is a stigma that is often laid upon small towns that is sometimes deserved, and sometimes not. Quesnel is not what it appears to be on the surface. There are many many people here searching for something so much bigger. Inevitably there are always comments about how in a town like this, we can't expect to have a worldly frame of mind, because anything "different" will get you stoned or cast out. As outsiders, we perpetuate that story, allowing it to partially dictate what we do, what we say and how we act while living here. The best thing that a person can do is to be themselves, speak freely, and offer their knowledge and previous experiences to the collective. Everything changes, we all change, we all move in, move on, move up, and move out. When you not only embrace change, but make change, you are truly servicing your community.

Next month marks our fourth year living in Quesnel, and it is amazing to me how much this place has challenged and changed me. What I have come to realize in the past year is that Quesnel, and perhaps any place, is truly a blank canvas. I can have access to anything I want here ... but it is up to me to publicly announce what I would like to see ... and at times I have been the one to add something new to the community. I have had to step out of my personal comfort zone, roll up my sleeves and start a Mom to Mom Support Group. I have told strangers about my postpartum anxiety. My friend and I have put on workshops about spirituality ~ this was something that pushed me immediately outside of my comfort zone. But those workshops represented something larger than us ... I see now that more and more energy is building for spirituality, creative expression, yoga, sound healing and more. It is amazing to see the changes that are taking place, and I am honoured to witness them.

One of the rewards of living in a small town is that you have the opportunity to help build a foundation that gives a place its' character. For me personally, I am working on making peace with the stagnancy that I am being challenged with. I sometimes feel as though I am firmly rooted here, with no thoughts to leave, and if I can embrace my groundedness, I can be a very strong support for others. Perhaps I am a bridge for many people, a connection, a safe passage through a challenging situation. And that is something I believe I can enjoy offering to those kindred spirits who weave in and out of my life.

With Gratitude, Nicole


  1. I believe that we are drawn to people and places for some reason that may not be apparent on the surface. Perhaps to learn something about ourselves in relationship to that milieu in which we find ourselves or to share something with that community. But there is something there that we have to look at and not reject it prematurely. As a young person with depth of awareness it can seem stagnant. But as you say, coming forward to create the changes that you want in the place you want to settle is beneficial for you and other like minded people. Perhaps it not about what we can get but what we give of ourselves that keep us moving forward.

  2. Miruh, you really struck something in me when you said "Perhaps it not about what we can get but what we give of ourselves..." And I believe you are so right about this. I can see the challenge for me is to let go of my Ego, surrendering to a purpose that I may not understand. Something about that makes me feel a bit sad, and I'm not sure why.

    Thank you for provoking my thoughts, and asking me to probe a little deeper! Your deep wisdom is always appreciated here. Thank you ~ Nicole

  3. You are the change you want to see, you are creating your reality, you are ...!

  4. You've summed up my feelings very well, Nicole! I, too, had no idea at first what on Earth I was doing up here, but as time goes on and I see the changes happening, it becomes clearer to me.

    I would quite possibly have not become involved in Hospice at my previous address. I was too busy, too self-involved. I have learned so much and have given as much as I can as well. I give Reiki treatments once a week to the bereaved or the dying. I can't begin to tell you how amazing this is. Again, something I most likely would not have done in Qualicum Beach. There were too many distractions.

    I'm learning about the Native culture, as I am presently sitting with an aged Native woman. Again, something new for me. I have pushed myself further here than I would have on the Coast. And it was time to do just that!

    Other things as well, such as learning patience, are happening on a consistent basis.

    It's usually sad for me to let go of something Ego orientated. Letting go is somewhat of a mourning're becoming someone new, leaving the old behind.

    I think we're both doing well in our respective moves! Super post, as usual, Nicole!!!