I'm not doing all that great lately. BUT I have been plugging away at the things that help me to feel balanced. I still meditate for at least five minutes each day. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it is. I think too much. A common ailment for so many women, so many people, everywhere.
Being in this town for three years, you would think I would feel comfortable now. You would think I would feel at home. But this past week, I have been sincerely missing my home town. I miss the familiarity. I miss bumping into people I know at the grocery store. I miss the ocean too. And the mountains, and the wise old trees. I miss the rivers there. The rivers here are not the same. They are flat and smooth, reflecting too much. I prefer the boisterousness of the water launching off of the massive rocks.
Last, but not least, I miss my extended family. The loud, honest laugh of my Auntie H. The happiness in my Grandma's face when we were all together, especially at Christmas. The joy I shared with my cousin A watching our kids together. We were so smug, we thought it would last forever!
But I suppose my destiny was meant to be more challenging. I find I am challenging myself lately. I have had this image of myself for so long, things I thought I was ... and I'm beginning to realize I'm not living up to my own expectations. I want to talk about my spirituality openly and honestly, with no fear of standing up for what I believe in. And I want to be someone who really listens to what people are really saying. I want to help people in whatever way that I can, so long as I don't sacrifice mine or my family's needs. I'm doing the best that I can, starting today.