Saturday, October 29, 2011

A Quest for Real Change

In a recent and surprising turn of events, I have decided to try and turn my life into something different than it is now.  I suppose I will be trying to change who I have come to be, in a sense.  Several months ago, I discovered an opportunity to realize a decade-old dream of mine ~ to become a Certified Yoga Teacher.  There was a two-week immersion being offered in Prince George this November, and I signed up for it very quickly.  Everything was falling into place – I asked my yoga teacher to become a Yoga Alliance/SOYA member so she would be able to approve my hours.  I asked my mom if she would be able to come and look after my family while I was away, and she agreed.  I got the books and I began a new routine.  I wake up at 5:30am, meditate and then study yoga for at least 45 minutes before the kids wake up.  This routine has become very comfortable for me, and I actually look forward to this Sattwic time in the very early morning.

The other day, I received unfortunate news … the Yoga Teacher Training was being cancelled due to low numbers.  At first I was very frustrated and sad.  I questioned whether or not I was meant to become a yoga teacher.  This whole situation reeked of my theme this year:  Obstacles.  I felt incredibly upset, misguided by my intuition, which is normally bang on …  And out of this short depression, I began to search for other teacher trainings.  Let me tell you, there are many, many options available in BC alone!  But as I began to search, I realized that I wanted the real thing … During these last few months I have truly begun to enjoy the new habits and routines I am creating for myself.  By carving out time for myself to meditate and do yoga, I have never felt as good as I have today.  My husband and I have even made the choice to eat mostly vegetarian meals … and I have felt such a difference in my energy levels.
Anyhow, during these realizations, I came across the Sivananda Ashram Yoga Camp .  It was built in 1962 by Swami Vishnudevananda.  The teacher training they offer is a one month intensive program.  Every day there are 2 meditation sessions, 2 yoga classes, 2 lectures, and one hour of service to the ashram community.  One day a week is lecture free.  It sounds like a very intense month, but I feel like I could learn so much at this place.  There is a deep and beautiful wisdom in the spirituality of Yoga, and I yearn to immerse myself into this intensity.  I know that this is what I want to do, and I am willing to wait for it.  I am willing to "earn" it.

There does happen to be a teacher training available November 13th – December 10th, but I don’t believe this is a reality for me this year.  I do not expect my mom to be able to come for such a long time … not this year anyhow.  My rough plan for now is this:  I will take an oath to my own self to continue to wake before my family, meditate and study every book I can find on Yoga.  I will endeavour to live my life as a dedicated Yogi, amidst the unavoidable obstacles of doing so with two children, a husband and a household to look after.  In my life, I have too often jumped into things without being absolutely sure that I wanted them.  This plan, I assure you, is foolproof!  I yearn to be the kind of person who feels continually balanced in her emotions, with enough happiness and contentment to always accept and love others, and to have patience with those inevitable obstacles. 

Because I believe this is how we were all meant to feel.  I begin my journey today, two days before the Witches New year, Halloween.  If you have a moment, please sent me some supportive and loving energy … I think I’m going to need it!

1 comment:

  1. Hello Nicole,

    I used to practice with the Sivananda group in Vancouver many years ago. I still think they are the real thing, very gentle and non-commercialized in their style of Hatha Yoga. Sometimes when circumstances fall through,it maybe because it is not the right time or a good fit for you. If you can hold out and do it later with this group, you will be getting good training with a trusted lineage of teachers.

    I admire your commitment and resolution for change,and it is inspiring to have the support of your family too. It begins with personal resolve and the universe conspires with the details.

    Blessings to you from all directions!