In my last post, I wrote about how the yoga teacher training in Prince George was cancelled. I tried desperately to make sense of the situation, but moreover, I tried my hardest to have faith. You hear that all the time, about faith. But when it is your turn to strain your eyes for some glimpse of light, when stranded in those vast, dark spaces, it feels incredibly difficult. For weeks after I got the news I pored over “Yoga teacher training” searches on Google. I didn’t feel desperate, I was just searching methodically for something that would match my needs. One day, after I’d given up hope of finding anything in the next three months, I casually stumbled across Yandara Yoga Institute. They conduct their teacher trainings in Baja, Mexico, and because of that, I nearly dismissed it … but for some reason I couldn’t dismiss it. As I started looking at the information, I realized that this might just be the right fit for me! The first synchronicity was that it was exactly the same price as the first training I was going to take – but this included meals! Of course, I would have to pay for my plane ticket … which looked like it could be very reasonable … Everything began to fall into place. My husband okayed it, my mom said she could come for the 2 1/2 weeks to watch the kids, we happen to have almost all the money for the trip … No Obstacles.
This year, for me, has been all about obstacles, delays, pushing through doubt and uncertainty, and claiming a new strength. I know that I have been undergoing a long transition, which possibly began when I moved to Quesnel ~ Nearly six years in the making. For a long time, I have spoken to myself in unkind ways, telling myself that I’m not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough. Thinking that I wasn’t a good enough mother. Believing that I could never run 15 kilometres, let alone 50 kilometres. ~ Having faith in the myths of my mind ~ Granted, most of these comments were subconscious, something much hard to monitor than the blatant words of our conscious minds.
As I have been meditating every day for the last several months, I have come to truly appreciate that silence. As I prepare to embark on this new journey, I am setting intentions to come back with a new balance in my life. I don’t know exactly what is waiting for me in Mexico, but I will find out in less than a week!