For a small while I have been neglecting to observe my thoughts. So I was a bit shocked when I finally got around to this purging task. I have been incredibly self-focused in the last little while. Something had been building inside of me that just wouldn't stop nagging in the very back of my mind. I realized that I have been defining the present by what happened in the past. I have been hanging on to my postpartum anxiety and allowing it to dictate my demeanor, my moods and my actions. I have been focusing on how I felt about starting up a support group, but I should have been focusing on the women who were about to gather together. I realize now that just sitting in a room together is powerful for all of us. This huge spiritual transition we are all experiencing immediately makes us sisters.
My realization came when I decided to check out an ad I've noticed a few times on the Spiritual Healing Journey blog. The ad is for something called TAT Life. I have been practising Reiki for 11 years now, and reading the information on TAT Life seemed pretty straight forward. So I got myself into the pose and went through the first three steps. I didn't even realize I'd been holding on to my anxiety experience so tightly until I began to let it go. Postpartum Anxiety is something that just happened to me. It happened, but I am okay now and I am ready to heal myself.
Everything that happens to us is a matter of circumstance, but how you remember your experience is a matter of perspective. I sometimes look back on the hard times I had, and I realize now that I have been too hard on myself for the way I handled things. I honestly did the very best I could at the time, and I am at peace with that now.
I am a wonderful mom, blessed with two beautiful, happy, healthy children. The way I see it, I am doing a fantastic job. I'm ready to be here now.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Lessons from a Cat
Within the depths of my soul, there was always a place for you,
It was within the time we shared that I belonged to you too.
Now that you have left this place, and moved on to become renewed,
You should know I'll always keep my heart clean, pure and true. - Nicole Aracki
For I know that nothing less could satisfy the way you always expected more from me. And now that you've transcended, I know that the lessons you taught me will keep teaching me for the rest of this life.
1. Love. Love everything and everyone.
2. Enthusiasm. Be enthusiastic and excited about every moment.
3. Faith. Have faith that you will receive all the things you truly want in life.
It was within the time we shared that I belonged to you too.
Now that you have left this place, and moved on to become renewed,
You should know I'll always keep my heart clean, pure and true. - Nicole Aracki
For I know that nothing less could satisfy the way you always expected more from me. And now that you've transcended, I know that the lessons you taught me will keep teaching me for the rest of this life.
1. Love. Love everything and everyone.
2. Enthusiasm. Be enthusiastic and excited about every moment.
3. Faith. Have faith that you will receive all the things you truly want in life.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Seasons and Sabbats
There is a very deep and distinct connection to nature that we as humans, every one of us, possess. Whether you are religious or not, you probably notice that you feel a certain way at certain times of the year. When Spring is on it’s way, there is a feeling of hope, renewal and joy. Have you recognized the feeling you get when the leaves are falling off the trees and the warm glow of summer is slowly waning away? We all sense that Fall is a time of renewal, a time to sow seeds for the distant Spring, and to get ourselves ready for the encroaching Winter.
These things seem obvious, perhaps even trivial to some, but I see a cycle in all of it. I’m not talking about the obvious cycle of the four seasons, but the cycle of my own life.
Nature-based religions recognize eight sabbats throughout the year. If you look into it, each sabbat reflects the inner workings of our own selves. Nature is a reflection of you.
Observing the Sabbats is an extremely effective way to observe the mechanics of your life. You can use these auspicious times of the year to check in with your dreams and goals, but more especially the present moment. If you can be prepared and know that you usually feel some sadness in the dark months of the year, you’ll be better prepared to deal with the sadness, to set some things up as a defensive measure or a precaution. You can also begin to observe your thoughts – perhaps you always think of taking a trip in February, but you never make the call to your travel agent. Or maybe every September you yearn to try something new – take a course or start swimming!
The more aware you are of your life, and the more you are doing to constantly improve it, the better your life is going to be! You can start really thinking about what you want to do within the next year of your life. As a society, we become so wrapped up in the fast pace that we often forget that our lives are accumulating more quickly than we’d like. Even if you only take a few minutes to observe your self and your situation, the point is that it’s a commitment to yourself. It is a commitment to constantly grow and learn, to take risks and even to fail. Perhaps the most difficult part of this is having to truly reflect on the current state of your life. We all work hard to be good people, to make enough money, to feel secure and to stay healthy physically. But do we work hard at really taking care of ourselves? Can you honestly say that you’ve been good to yourself, have taken alone time for yourself, have indulged a little to celebrate your life? During the Sabbats I like to sit quietly and become the observer of my thoughts. Sometimes I question my thoughts, especially the ones rooted in fear. When you become aware of your thoughts in this way, you can begin to control your thoughts.
Nature is a reflection of you , and you are a reflection of the Universe. If you are a reflection of the Universe, then you are also in charge of your destiny. You are the Creator. So take charge, in whatever way makes sense to you and GO for it!
These things seem obvious, perhaps even trivial to some, but I see a cycle in all of it. I’m not talking about the obvious cycle of the four seasons, but the cycle of my own life.
Nature-based religions recognize eight sabbats throughout the year. If you look into it, each sabbat reflects the inner workings of our own selves. Nature is a reflection of you.
Observing the Sabbats is an extremely effective way to observe the mechanics of your life. You can use these auspicious times of the year to check in with your dreams and goals, but more especially the present moment. If you can be prepared and know that you usually feel some sadness in the dark months of the year, you’ll be better prepared to deal with the sadness, to set some things up as a defensive measure or a precaution. You can also begin to observe your thoughts – perhaps you always think of taking a trip in February, but you never make the call to your travel agent. Or maybe every September you yearn to try something new – take a course or start swimming!
The more aware you are of your life, and the more you are doing to constantly improve it, the better your life is going to be! You can start really thinking about what you want to do within the next year of your life. As a society, we become so wrapped up in the fast pace that we often forget that our lives are accumulating more quickly than we’d like. Even if you only take a few minutes to observe your self and your situation, the point is that it’s a commitment to yourself. It is a commitment to constantly grow and learn, to take risks and even to fail. Perhaps the most difficult part of this is having to truly reflect on the current state of your life. We all work hard to be good people, to make enough money, to feel secure and to stay healthy physically. But do we work hard at really taking care of ourselves? Can you honestly say that you’ve been good to yourself, have taken alone time for yourself, have indulged a little to celebrate your life? During the Sabbats I like to sit quietly and become the observer of my thoughts. Sometimes I question my thoughts, especially the ones rooted in fear. When you become aware of your thoughts in this way, you can begin to control your thoughts.
Nature is a reflection of you , and you are a reflection of the Universe. If you are a reflection of the Universe, then you are also in charge of your destiny. You are the Creator. So take charge, in whatever way makes sense to you and GO for it!
Monday, February 23, 2009
My Cat Chance
I've never had to, in my adult life, let go of a household pet. My cat, Chance, has been around for close to 14 years and is more than a pet to me. Today is the sad sad day that I have to let her go. Deep inside, I know that she will be at peace. Deep inside I know she'll be going back into the "melting pot" of pure divine energy, and of unconditional love.
But I am going to miss her, and I am so sad that I have to let her go from my life. I always joked that she was so demanding of my attention, that she'd probably come back to haunt me.
She has been deteriorating for a few months now. It's all happened rather quickly, and I'm glad for her sake. But she is suffering now. I can't stand to think about her being in pain. Her hind legs are hurting her so much that she can't even jump onto a chair anymore. She was once able to jump six feet into the air.
Chance unnerves me. She used to sit in front of me and stare at me for as long as I'd let her. She was seeing the real me, always, without judgement. She has always looked at me with love. I think that in my reflections, there is a lot I will learn from Chance.
But I am going to miss her, and I am so sad that I have to let her go from my life. I always joked that she was so demanding of my attention, that she'd probably come back to haunt me.
She has been deteriorating for a few months now. It's all happened rather quickly, and I'm glad for her sake. But she is suffering now. I can't stand to think about her being in pain. Her hind legs are hurting her so much that she can't even jump onto a chair anymore. She was once able to jump six feet into the air.
Chance unnerves me. She used to sit in front of me and stare at me for as long as I'd let her. She was seeing the real me, always, without judgement. She has always looked at me with love. I think that in my reflections, there is a lot I will learn from Chance.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Be the Universe
Staying on the right track isn't always easy. I find that my spirituality waxes and wanes ... I'm talking about that deep and powerful connection with the Universe, when your path speaks to you, and you feel completely certain about the direction your life is heading.
I feel like I'm on a constant quest to keep my faith alive. Some days I feel wise beyond my years, other days I feel like a brand new soul discovering the meaningful events in my life. I don't wish for the certainty of wisdom, because I know that would signal the end of this life. I try to imagine myself as the cosmos - huge, all-knowing, all-seeing - I am the Universe, yearning to experience something new. I am creating every moment. If I truly believe that, then I can only experience happiness. If I am certain that my faith and knowledge will wane tomorrow, I MUST live in the moment today! I must immerse myself in every second of every day, and I know that is when I'll be truly happy. Because I will truly be the Universe, fulfilling my desires.
I feel like I'm on a constant quest to keep my faith alive. Some days I feel wise beyond my years, other days I feel like a brand new soul discovering the meaningful events in my life. I don't wish for the certainty of wisdom, because I know that would signal the end of this life. I try to imagine myself as the cosmos - huge, all-knowing, all-seeing - I am the Universe, yearning to experience something new. I am creating every moment. If I truly believe that, then I can only experience happiness. If I am certain that my faith and knowledge will wane tomorrow, I MUST live in the moment today! I must immerse myself in every second of every day, and I know that is when I'll be truly happy. Because I will truly be the Universe, fulfilling my desires.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Snow
When the clouds fall down to the trees and the whole world gets quiet,
I know the snow is about to blanket us in it's purity.
Today the snowflakes fell so gently,
Floating, dancing, weaving their way to the white ground,
And I thought of nothing at all.
My mind was at peace, and so was my soul.
And I am so grateful.
I know the snow is about to blanket us in it's purity.
Today the snowflakes fell so gently,
Floating, dancing, weaving their way to the white ground,
And I thought of nothing at all.
My mind was at peace, and so was my soul.
And I am so grateful.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
It is Possible
I am feeling so excited and happy about the support group! I am so grateful to be out of the dark place I was in. The anxiety is still with me sometimes, but it doesn't envelop me as it once did. I am so thankful that I am well enough to help others, because there was a time when I didn't think it was possible to be normal again.
My first group was very healing for me personally, because no one showed up, but I was surprisingly okay with that. I am ready now, really ready, to put myself out there. I realize that it's possible that no one will show up again this week, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up! I know there are women out there who need someone to talk to, right at this very moment, and they are feeling stuck in a place that seems to have no way out. I want to tell my story and have those women realize that there is a way out, and that they will be normal and happy again. It is so possible.
My first group was very healing for me personally, because no one showed up, but I was surprisingly okay with that. I am ready now, really ready, to put myself out there. I realize that it's possible that no one will show up again this week, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up! I know there are women out there who need someone to talk to, right at this very moment, and they are feeling stuck in a place that seems to have no way out. I want to tell my story and have those women realize that there is a way out, and that they will be normal and happy again. It is so possible.
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