Creating Change

There is something I need to learn about stagnancy. It seems as though everyone and everything around me is moving, doing, taking action. I feel as though I am in the eye of the storm where all is calm and still, yet just outside of this tiny world I'm in, there is a perfect chaos taking over. A chaos understood, and even planned by our beautiful Universe.

People come in and out of my life, teaching me, embracing what I have to offer, and then some of them leave. Some of the people I've met since I moved here have been exceptional, phenomenal people. People who I grew to love and accept wholly into my life as dear dear friends. Friendships that will last the rest of our lives. Please don't misunderstand ~ I am not complaining, or feeling sorry for myself. I am just trying to embrace the situation that is consistently being presented to me in this place.

Quesnel is an interesting place. What I've noticed is that the people who move here are confronted by what they first perceive as a wall ~ a wall of judgement and ... almost .... persecution. It is a stigma that is often laid upon small towns that is sometimes deserved, and sometimes not. Quesnel is not what it appears to be on the surface. There are many many people here searching for something so much bigger. Inevitably there are always comments about how in a town like this, we can't expect to have a worldly frame of mind, because anything "different" will get you stoned or cast out. As outsiders, we perpetuate that story, allowing it to partially dictate what we do, what we say and how we act while living here. The best thing that a person can do is to be themselves, speak freely, and offer their knowledge and previous experiences to the collective. Everything changes, we all change, we all move in, move on, move up, and move out. When you not only embrace change, but make change, you are truly servicing your community.

Next month marks our fourth year living in Quesnel, and it is amazing to me how much this place has challenged and changed me. What I have come to realize in the past year is that Quesnel, and perhaps any place, is truly a blank canvas. I can have access to anything I want here ... but it is up to me to publicly announce what I would like to see ... and at times I have been the one to add something new to the community. I have had to step out of my personal comfort zone, roll up my sleeves and start a Mom to Mom Support Group. I have told strangers about my postpartum anxiety. My friend and I have put on workshops about spirituality ~ this was something that pushed me immediately outside of my comfort zone. But those workshops represented something larger than us ... I see now that more and more energy is building for spirituality, creative expression, yoga, sound healing and more. It is amazing to see the changes that are taking place, and I am honoured to witness them.

One of the rewards of living in a small town is that you have the opportunity to help build a foundation that gives a place its' character. For me personally, I am working on making peace with the stagnancy that I am being challenged with. I sometimes feel as though I am firmly rooted here, with no thoughts to leave, and if I can embrace my groundedness, I can be a very strong support for others. Perhaps I am a bridge for many people, a connection, a safe passage through a challenging situation. And that is something I believe I can enjoy offering to those kindred spirits who weave in and out of my life.

With Gratitude, Nicole

It is Possible

I am feeling so excited and happy about the support group! I am so grateful to be out of the dark place I was in. The anxiety is still with me sometimes, but it doesn't envelop me as it once did. I am so thankful that I am well enough to help others, because there was a time when I didn't think it was possible to be normal again.

My first group was very healing for me personally, because no one showed up, but I was surprisingly okay with that. I am ready now, really ready, to put myself out there. I realize that it's possible that no one will show up again this week, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up! I know there are women out there who need someone to talk to, right at this very moment, and they are feeling stuck in a place that seems to have no way out. I want to tell my story and have those women realize that there is a way out, and that they will be normal and happy again. It is so possible.