Needy Black Cat

It's not often that I receive inspiration to write in the evenings, but tonight inspiration parked itself in front of me, asking for a response. I went out for a walk with a good friend, weaving through the downtown neighborhood. We stopped in front of a house to chat for a moment, and I heard a little meow ... I, of course, made a kissing-come-hither-kitty noise, and the cat came running. A beautiful black slithering leg rubbing thing, he decided to come on a walkabout with us. We walked and walked, and soon realized we should loop back and drop the kitty off where we found him ... we talked to a neighbor who didn't know who he could belong to. And so he followed us some more.

My friend kept saying that I was meant to bring him home, but I knew deep down that this was a test from the Universe. This week I took back my body, and have come full circle from surrendering to pregnancy and childbirth. I have given a lot of myself, physically, mentally and emotionally. We don't realize as we are embracing pregnancy and new-motherhood that we will be giving so much of ourselves over to sustain new life. We don't put a lot of thought into how things will affect us in the long run, and the impact of all that we say and do as those children grow. I realized, as this darling creature was following us, that he would probably be a trouble maker, and an attention fiend, and that he would most likely yowl through the night ~ I could see this neediness in him. What he really needed is someone who needs him back with just as much intensity. And so I kept walking, even when the lights of the downtown core brightened around us. And I kept walking, even when he stopped to sit on the sidewalk, knowing full well he shouldn't go any further. He called after me, asking "What do I do now? Where do I go? I'm hungry!" I kept walking because I knew that I could not provide the things for him that he ought to have. Even though it truly broke my heart.

Halfway down the next block, there were some people eating a late dinner on a bench. I heard the woman say "Could we go somewhere warmer to eat?", and it crossed my mind to mention the cat, but quickly disregarded it. I didn't say anything at all. My friend and I sent lots of love and light to the sweet, lonely, friendly, silky-smooth black kitty. He would surely find his place. We separated to our vehicles, and just as I started my van, my friend looped around with her window open to tell me that the cat was now with the people sitting on the bench. I feel that the cat is safe now, and has secured himself a home with someone who can devote the love, time, and attention that he will certainly require.

It is not up to me to feed the world, clothe the world, or comfort the world. Once upon a time I believed that I could survive on the love in my heart, but as I've matured, I have begun to realize that when you give too much of yourself you end up with less. When you learn to trust the Universe, and know that the Universe provides everything we need and ask for, you begin to develop the talent for channeling that energy. What I witnessed tonight is that I don't have to provide everything for everyone, and that I am not the only person who can provide solace to someone in need. We are always offered the people, circumstances and experiences that we need to grow. It is up to us to accept or decline.

Rain Here, Rain There

It is raining in the Cariboo this morning. It rained all last night. The sound, the smell, the sight of glorious wet rain is something I miss very much about living on the Coast. It hardly ever rains in the Cariboo ...

There was something about Squamish rain that allowed me to remain in a very deep part of myself for days at a time. The rain truly gives one permission to revert back into oneself, dwelling in that deep, dark, introverted place of reflection.

I remember the day I figured out that if my feet, hands and head were dry, I could walk in the rain for hours. The soft, insulated sound of the raindrops splatting on my umbrella kept me in a very safe space in my mind. The moist air would rise up around me, huddling inside the umbrella, supporting my head - my brain, my mind. There is something very grounding about that humid rain, even when it is so cold it find its' way into your bones. I miss the feeling of falling asleep to the sound of heavy, pounding rain assaulting my roof, and me safe and cozy under the covers of my bed. Under the covers of so many things ...

The open skies of the Cariboo have convinced me to open myself up more, to embrace the extrovert that I have the ability to be; a shapeshifter in nature. Although the absence of huge mountains and massive trees was a shock to me at first, I now appreciate the openness of this place. I was forced out of the nest in many ways when we moved here, and the absence of the security the mountains provided was very apparent for me. Now I feel free, open and ready to truly embrace my life, my future, my passions.

I feel like the Cariboo is preparing me, slowly feeding me experiences, getting me ready for ... well, that I do not know. The other day I became incredibly frustrated because I don't know where my path is leading me. There are things I think I want to be and do, but it seems as though the Universe has other plans for me ... plans that I am not privy to. The only message I received was "Enjoy your children". Is that all? Is that simplicity the thing I am supposed to embrace in this lifetime, or is it just what I am supposed to embrace right now? You might say the Cariboo is making me feel restless ...

I believe that every place we live, visit or pass through, has something o teach us about our lives, our world, our Universe. Tuning in to the heartbeat of a place is not exactly an easy task, especially if the circumstances that brought you there are challenging you. Believing that there is a purpose underlying everything that you experience is a powerful tool, one you will use at some point - it could be tomorrow, it could be next month, it could be five or ten years from now. If I can personally remember that, I am going to be well on my way to letting go of my restlessness, and embracing the moment I am in. Like this moment now, this beautiful feeling of connectedness I receive when I write.

Inspiration: What is Your Role?

Inspiration: Where does it come from, and do you have to participate? Messages are there for us all the time, but it is up to us to look deeply into these messages to discover their meaning. It is also up to us to act on our gut instinct and follow that feeling, wherever it leads us. I was reading "Jack and the Beanstalk" to my kids the other day, and it got me thinking about inspiration too ... you might even say it inspired me to write this post!

In the story, Jack and his mother are forced to sell their only source of income, their milk cow, out of dire necessity. The only possibility the Mom could think of was "sell the cow so we can eat". When Jack returns home, having traded the cow for "magic beans", she becomes incredibly upset, throws the beans out the window and sends Jack to bed with no supper. The beanstalk grows overnight. Jack, being a boy, climbs to the top to discover a very rich giant. He steals the valuable and magical items, urged on by a fairy who tells him the giant stole these items from Jack's father.

Jack must have had a moment of inspiration in order for him to trade the cow, their only source of income, for five magic beans. Surely he realized his mother might not be impressed!Sometimes it takes another person to help you recognize those inspired thoughts. Had Jack's mother not thrown the beans out the window, they might have cooked the beans and eaten them! But the rest is left up to Jack. When he climbs the beanstalk, he is taking an incredible risk. Further, he goes inside this massive castle and sticks around when the giant is revealed! It seems that no matter what happens, Jack follows that inner driving force all the way through to the end of the ordeal.

The fairy is another interesting point in the story, although a small moment, it is incredibly significant. The fairy truly demonstrates that Jack was being pulled towards his destiny - he was in that clear, silent, knowing space, feeling open to and in tune with the Universe and all its' messages. The moment that the fairy tells him that these magical items belonged to his father, he finally understands why he felt such a strong pull towards this moment. In a moment of such clarity, Jack had nothing left to lose.

When you receive an inspired thought from the Universe, it is up to you to act on that thought, and to truly manifest it. When you ignore, push aside, or disregard these moments of inspiration, you forgo an opportunity. When you repeatedly pay attention to, and act on, inspired thoughts you become more sensitive to their meaning over time. It is up to you to participate in the creation of your own existence, your own destiny, your own life. And when your situation only makes sense to you, and everyone around you begins to question your motives, accept this as part of the path towards your destiny. You know your own life better than anyone, and any signs, symbols or messages you receive from the Universe have been custom tailored for you. They probably won't make much sense to very many people. That is okay! Part of the journey towards something better than what you are today is a period of uncertainty, and that uncertainty is what creates a truly rewarding experience for you.

The next time you have an inspired thought, no matter what it is, no matter how small it may seem, I am challenging you to act on that thought. It might just be a thought you have "Maybe I'll take the long way home" - see where it leads you. It may be a moment where you are driving in your car, alone, and the music suddely sounds very close and might seem like it has an echo. Stop thinking and enjoy this moment of simple clarity. Choose green when your mind shouts "Green!" Or when it seems like it's taking you a lot longer to get out the door in the morning, take it as a message to slow down! Yes, it seems counterintuitive, but you're going to get to your destination at the same time ~ but you'll start your day feeling much more relaxed!

Part of this experience is learning to trust yourself - and to trust that the messages you are receiving are real. Trust builds slowly over time, so be patient with yourself, and enjoy the process.

Beginning of a Change

I was recently a part of something that I believe is the beginning of a change. My good friend and I recently facilitated a three-part workshop series titled "Woman & Spirit Series". When we first began planning for these events, I wasn't sure what to expect. But what transpired throughout the course of these three evenings was nothing short of miraculous. Let me tell you what I saw:

I saw a small sampling of women who are eager to soak up spiritual knowledge like sponges. Women who were brave, who overcame their inhibitions, and who, possibly unknowingly, behaved like warriors. These women surprised me with how open they became, and how willing they were to try something new. They closed their eyes and just listened - to themselves, to their own energy, to each other, and to that Divine presence ~ the one that is always there, and who speaks to us, even when we aren't listening.

One of the most beautiful moments throughout these workshops was when we chanted through our chakras, and we all joined as one, in voice and in spirit. It was an amazing feeling. Each woman present, in all the workshops, brought to us a unique energy: personal life experience, knowledge, a questioning nature, a gentle soul, a joyous presence, an inner strength, a loving heart, a quiet spirit, a wicked sense of humour, a knowing smile ... and so much more.

There is so much that I was able to witness, and so many moments that I am still reviewing in my mind ... I am sure I will be writing more about my observations in the future .... But for now, alas, I must return to the momentum of my day ... my son is awake from his nap, and is quite certain that he is ready to come out of his room ;o)

Until next time, love and light ~ Nicole

Energetic Parasites

In the past month, I have been plagued with two sinus infections. Just before the first one occurred, my dad reminded me that he has had chronic sinusitis for all of his adult life. My mom reminded me that her mother also has sinus issues, and simply cannot smell for ten months out of the year.

During the first bout of sinusitis, I wanted to simply be rid of the annoyance of snuffling constantly, having to prop my head up high while I slept, and waking up three times per night to clear my head. I asked my body "What are you trying to tell me?" But no answer came, that I could hear. I tried meditating, I tried steaming my face several times a day, and I took decongestants. The infection finally subsided, and I was so happy to have the freedom to breathe again, to drink my morning cup of black tea again, and to generally feel healthy once more.

Unfortunately the sinus infection returned about two weeks later. I chalked it up to the stress of facilitating a three-part series of workshops for women ~ the first workshops I have ever in my life helped to present. I asked my body again "What are you trying to tell me?" I tried to settle myself into the dull ache inside the cavities of my skull, asking "Why?" At first, I only received the message "Communication". It took about a week of constantly analysing the situation, and asking, over and over, to feel the beginnings of a breakthrough.

I finally had a strange dream where there was some creature swimming beneath the skin of the back of my wrist. I cut open the back of my hand to reveal a cream coloured, sharp, determined looking parasite. For hours the following day, I knew this was a message my body was trying to relate to me ... and finally it dawned on me: Energetic Parasites.

I have always believed, to some degree, that we hold onto certain memories and experiences from our parents, grandparents, ancestors and so on. The realization was that the hereditary issues that we get stuck with are energetic parasites, leaching onto our energetic bodies without our knowledge. What if we have a choice to rid ourselves of the imminent susceptibility to certain family illnesses ~ corns on our feet, cancer, bad backs, chronic headaches, heart attacks, strokes, and so many other illnesses.

For me, once I had these realizations, I was unsure of how to approach my own situation. So I asked my higher self for guidance during meditation. It always amazes me that if I ask a question, I almost always receive an answer - as long as I am fully willing to hear that answer. This time the answer didn't come in words, but in feelings and urgings. I felt an urge to chant the sounds for each chakra, so I did from Root to Crown: LAM, VAM, RAM, YAM, HAM, AUM, NG

Buzzing with the energy and the vibration, I could see a line of white light coming into my crown chakra, going all the way through my bodies and chakras, and sending white light in horizontal lines through all the layers of my auric field, and exiting through the Root chakra going back into the earth. As the light penetrated my aura, I could feel it clearing away these parasites, prying them off and sending that energy back to the earth, the divine, the universe.

My sinus infection began fading incredibly quickly after doing this work. I am no longer in pain, and I have no fear of a recurring infection. I simply know that the parasites are weakened, if not completely gone. I get the feeling that this process would need to be repeated regularly, to ensure that any energetic parasites truly lose their grip on the fabric of my energy. But I feel such a sense of amazement at the intricate nature of our energy, how much we pick up from people, places, and circumstances. It all matters, every moment truly contributes to how we live today, in this moment.

I'm not sure where these realizations will lead, but I am excited by the journey! And I am open to all the new possibilities, discoveries and realizations that await us in the future.

What a Haircut Can Do!

For several years, I have wanted to have short hair. There is something liberating, sexy and free about a woman having short hair. I finally did it, and I just feel phenomenal! It's funny how we can turn around and perceive ourselves so differently after something as innocent as a haircut. I have so much more energy and confidence, and I do feel sexy, free and liberated.

For women, the hair we wear is a vital and important part of how we feel everyday. Some of us use it as a security blanket, some of us use it to distract people, some of us are changing it all the time. Colouring, cutting, growing, shaping, styling, washing, conditioning. What a metaphor for the multi-tasked lives that we lead. And of course, the way we treat our hair has a direct connection to how we are feeling, and where the current circumstances of our lives are at.

When I was a teen, I grew it halfway down my back, and dyed it bleach blond. Two weeks after I graduated, I cut it all off and used KoolAid to dye my hair into a rainbow of colours. What was happening in my life at the time was my boyfriend was going off to University, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, and I felt like I had no power or control over what would happen next. But I had power and control over the way that I looked ...

I believe that we are all part of the same whole, that all energy equals one energy, and that we are here to fully immerse ourselves in the lives we have chosen. It is hard to avoid the fact that we are so sensitive to the visual world around us. Part of this includes judging ourselves and others on their hairstyles, clothing, pets, cars, houses ... and anything else we can compare ourselves to. I can hear my conscience shouting out ~But we are not supposed to get distracted by these visual details, we are supposed to see the beauty in everything!~

We are all part of a larger whole, and I believe that all other people in some way reflect our own selves. Maybe that's why when you get a great haircut, or an outfit that makes you feel great, you feel as though you are reflecting your true inner self - an attractive, confident and joyful being. This may sound vain ... but I consider my new haircut a gift to others, because I feel amazing, and because of that I can freely give my love, attention, joy and energy to those who need to be reminded of these qualities in themselves.

Feeling Stuck

There are times in our lives when we feel stuck, unclear as to what we will do next, and uncertain of how to make a change for ourselves. Sometimes the feeling of being stuck can be a cover for something that makes us feel uncomfortable. Deep down, we always know why we feel a certain way, but to move on you must question yourself and be prepared for the answer.

Sometimes it is necessary to invoke fate and to jump out of one's comfort zone. For me, it feels like I've had to reach a point where I asked myself: What do I have to lose? And really, what do you ever have to lose, in any situation? What is the worst that can happen when you create change and growth in your life?

What kind of life do you want to live? Don't be afraid to experiment with what you think you might want! This life, this whole experience is a river with many different currents upon which you can ride. Some currents will lead into a quiet canal, or resting place, where you can simply Be. Some currents will lead you on a wild ride, consistently bringing up something new for you to absorb. And some currents will lead you into swirling eddies, like a dead end, only to toss you back into the flow once again. When you take control of this flow, using Awareness and becoming mindful of what is happening energetically and spiritually, you open yourself up and you create a lesson for yourself.

When we move through life in a mindful way, we are truly participating in the fate that we were born to. Being aware of where your path has led you thus far, and how your experiences have prepared you for something new, is a priceless practice. When you take stock of your life in this way, you begin to see patterns emerging, circumstances that bring you full circle to something over and over again. What is it that you have been preparing for in this life? What lessons keep presenting themselves to you? And are you learning from those lessons?

The most exciting part of reviewing your life in this way is the wonderful question: What next?