Treasures from Todos Santos

While I was in Mexico, I met a very nice man named Ivan who was selling handmade jewellery in the plaza across from the church. He had a big cloth spread out on the grass, and many amazing pieces ~ most of which included beautiful stones and crystals. Some of which I actually didn't recognize. One of the things I have a great passion for is stones. Always have, since I was a child. I ended up purchasing an amazing Labradorite bracelet, and Ivan gifted to me an Orthoceras pendant.  

The Orthoceras is a curious stone, and I had never seen it before.  He told me it was ancient, full of wisdom.  Only today have I been researching it's qualities.  All I know is that it is curious, unusual, and it seems to have a primal energy to it.  I have since discovered that it is a fossilized mollusk, and is the ancestor of the modern day squid. 

On a spiritual level, Orthoceras allows for recognition of accomplishments.  This stone can stimulate the thymus ... the thymus is the "educator" for the T-cells in our bodies that fight foreign substances.  It is all so fascinating to me.  It is amazing to feel the power of such a stone, knowing that it carries some of Mother Earth's secrets, and that it could truly help us.  That is why I rarely leave the house without a stone or a crystal.  I simply love the energy of them.

 This is the Labradorite bracelet ... Ivan told me the stone was his favourite, and it is from Canada.  It really resonated with me, and I just knew it was for me when I saw it.  Apparently, Labradorite can be found in meteorites - how cool is that?!  According to an Eskimo legend, the Northern Lights were once imprisoned in the rocks along the coast of Labrador. It is told that a wandering Eskimo warrior found them and was able to free most of the lights with a mighty blow of his spear. Some of the lights were still trapped within the stone, and thus we have today the beautiful mineral known as labradorite.

This is what else I discovered about Labradorite:

 

- a highly mystical and protective stone, a bringer of light

- deflects unwanted energies from the aura and prevents energy leakage

- clears, balances and protects the aura

- strengthens intuition

- calms an overactive mind and energizes the imagination, bringing up new ideas (perfect for writer's block!)

There is so much to learn about the complex planet we live on, and I figure that my part is to enjoy and appreciate everything I can about her.  I believe it is the energy that you tune into that will help you heal yourself, and ultimately, the Earth. 

Resources:  "The Crystal Bible" - by Judy Hall;  "The Encyclopedia of Crystals" - by Judy Hall

Middle of the Night

In the middle of the night there is a sound that occurs.

It wakes no one.

In fact, it puts them to sleep with the reverberating silence that it makes.

A peaceful sound, but to me it is unending, deafening, loudly interfering with my own peace of mind.

It is the sound of my inner voice, and yet the Universe, all at once.

It creates, it destroys, and it tortures one with the idea that Change is really All. There. Is.

Like the soft, white blanket of snow outside my window, it should insulate me ...

But taken in the wrong context it is cold, unforgiving, and slippery underneath.

Is there one thing that could ease this landscape in my mind? 

Anything?

Anything at all?

I look to my heart for answers and it is painful.

But the pain comes from resisting the truth of the answer.

Nothingness is not all it appears to be.  I know this.

It is the gateway to possibility.

It is the pure potential you hear about.

It is all a matter of perception, they say.

 ~Written by Nicole Aracki

Yandara Yoga Institute ~ Review Part Two

I must apologize for the length of time it has taken me to write this next part of my Yandara review!  Life has been busy around here, with the kids, running, yoga and figuring out my classes ... not to mention the challenge of integrating everything I learned at Yandara into my "householder" life! 

Being at Yandara was a gift in so many ways.  I learned so much about listening to my own body, and understanding what it means to do so.  It was important to me to use my special time at Yandara to truly get a taste of Yoga, or Union.  For me, the way to Union was through meditation, and I was given plenty of opportunity to get there.  Sitting on the floor almost all day was difficult during those first few days, but once I got used to it, I was able to really feel that silence during meditation.  Something happens when you tell your body what it must do, and that there is no way out of it.  Over time, your body begins to either accept the discomfort, or it finds a way to be comfortable.  We were shown many different methods of meditation, pranayama and asana, and there were a number of things I had not experienced before.  Kate and Shane have experienced so many different ways of practicing Yoga, and listening to their background stories was inspiring.  They were both very honest with us about the practices, which I greatly appreciated.  Kate had said, many times, that because we would only be together for a short time, they were trying to offer us absolutely everything that they had. 

Some of those lessons are still sinking in, and some of them are ingrained already.

Yandara is very near to the ocean.  It was only a few minutes to walk to it from my tent, and there were some mornings that the waves were crashing so loud it was like a thunderstorm overhead.  Except during the full moon.  The ocean was completely calm then.  There were many mornings towards the end of the training that I awoke at 4:00am, not able to fall asleep again for the waves were calling me.  I would walk to the beach in the dark and just feel myself being there.  On one night, in particular, the moon overhead was hidden by strange black clouds, and as they shifted the water would change ... from inky darkness to a shimmering black and silver liquid.  The moonlight spilling herself onto the great expanse of water.  And me, absorbing that feeling, knowing that I would have to go home soon.  I like to think that the feeling will be reserved inside of me for all of my life, waiting for me to draw upon it. 

You could see the ocean from the main pavilion, where we spent most of our time.  Some mornings we could see whales making morning rounds.  There were always birds chirping, and huge bees buzzing around.  And the cacti are unreal.  And all of this is part of Yandara's magic, because you see it and feel it more clearly.  My own personal sentiments about nature were amplified by Sarasvati, when we would do walking meditations on the beach.  She would remind us to allow nature to draw us into the present ....


The grounds were meticulously cared for, the food, as I have mentioned, was amazing, the bathrooms were clean, and the showers were always hot.  I only have one complaint, and that is:  I didn't want to ever leave!

If you have questions about anything about yoga teacher training, Yandara, yoga in general  please send me an email ~ I would love to correspond with you!

Sat Nam, Nicole

Yandara Yoga Institute ~ Review Part One

I recently had the great pleasure and honour to attend Yandara Yoga in Todos Santos, Baja Mexico for their 16-day training.  Where do I begin to explain how wonderful my experience was?  I suppose I should start … from the start!  We arrived just before dinner, and had a brief orientation before choosing our new homes ~ good-sized tents that were placed mindfully around the property.  They had a firm single bed, a little nightstand, and a small lamp.  It was a lovely little haven to return to each night.  We had a quick dinner, vegetarian and absolutely delicious.  Then it was time for Satsang … All the instructors were there:  Craig, Allison, Sarasvati, Shane Christopher, Kate, Amber and Shawna.  They gave us a brief orientation and all introduced themselves.  Then it was time for kirtan!  We sang mantra and kirtan, and I was fully in my element.  The band Jaya will come nearly every night to lead the group in kirtan ~ this I am so incredibly excited about.

 

One thing I loved about being at Yandara for those 16 days was the mindful living.  They run on solar power, so every time I turned on that little lamp, I felt a connection to the sun and a deep welling of gratitude.  They have composting toilets, so all paper waste goes into a garbage bin.  I found myself just noticing how much paper we were using.  We all got to choose a karma yoga task ~ Susie and I chose boiling hot water for tea before class.  Karma yoga is meant to be performed by devoting the actions to someone in need, or to the group, or to the Universal Divine.  One performs a job very well when it is done in the name of someone else.  Each movement becomes mindful … meaningful. 

 

After that first day, everything truly is a blur.  The program is structured very carefully so that students can learn as much as possible, and no moment is wasted.  The first week, for me, was all about personal growth.  Our instructors, Sarasvati, Kate and Shane Christopher got us diving into all things yoga immediately.  I remember how tough Kate’s first asana class was, but how it completely took my headache away, and how much lighter I felt after we were done.  Shane Christopher seemed to have a mission to help us to shed the layers that were no longer serving us with meditation and movement.  And Sarasvati was so fully present with an unconditional loving, embracing and compassionate energy.  She truly is amazing.  The three of them together were a powerhouse of information, with deep personal experience to draw on.  I could feel the wisdom in the room.  I will go more into detail with all of this later, of course!

 

It definitely took a few days for everyone to get settled into the routine.  The schedule was packed every day:

6:30am – 9:00am Pranayama or Asana & Meditation

Every other day we had Discourse (philosophy) with Shane Christopher – which I loved!

9 – 9:30am Breakfast in Silence

9:30 – 12:30 Asana Breakdown (including Assists)

12:30 – 2:00pm Lunch

2:00- 4:00pm Teaching Practice

4:15 – 6:00pm  Asana Class / Satya Circle  (alternating)

6:00 – 7:30pm Dinner

7:30 – 9:15pm Satsang

 

I will get more into the details of my experience over the next few weeks ~ I have so much to share about this once in a lifetime opportunity!

 

Sending you love ~ Nicole

And That’s The Way the Universe Works

In my last post, I wrote about how the yoga teacher training in Prince George was cancelled.  I tried desperately to make sense of the situation, but moreover, I tried my hardest to have faith.  You hear that all the time, about faith.  But when it is your turn to strain your eyes for some glimpse of light, when stranded in those vast, dark spaces, it feels incredibly difficult.  For weeks after I got the news I pored over “Yoga teacher training” searches on Google.  I didn’t feel desperate, I was just searching methodically for something that would match my needs.  One day, after I’d given up hope of finding anything in the next three months, I casually stumbled across Yandara Yoga Institute.  They conduct their teacher trainings in Baja, Mexico, and because of that, I nearly dismissed it … but for some reason I couldn’t dismiss it.  As I started looking at the information, I realized that this might just be the right fit for me!  The first synchronicity was that it was exactly the same price as the first training I was going to take – but this included meals!  Of course, I would have to pay for my plane ticket … which looked like it could be very reasonable …  Everything began to fall into place.  My husband okayed it, my mom said she could come for the 2 1/2 weeks to watch the kids, we happen to have almost all the money for the trip … No Obstacles. 

This year, for me, has been all about obstacles, delays, pushing through doubt and uncertainty, and claiming a new strength.  I know that I have been undergoing a long transition, which possibly began when I moved to Quesnel ~ Nearly six years in the making.  For a long time, I have spoken to myself in unkind ways, telling myself that I’m not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough. Thinking that I wasn’t a good enough mother. Believing that I could never run 15 kilometres, let alone 50 kilometres.  ~ Having faith in the myths of my mind ~  Granted, most of these comments were subconscious, something much hard to monitor than the blatant words of our conscious minds. 

As I have been meditating every day for the last several months, I have come to truly appreciate that silence.  As I prepare to embark on this new journey, I am setting intentions to come back with a new balance in my life.  I don’t know exactly what is waiting for me in Mexico, but I will find out in less than a week!

A Quest for Real Change

In a recent and surprising turn of events, I have decided to try and turn my life into something different than it is now.  I suppose I will be trying to change who I have come to be, in a sense.  Several months ago, I discovered an opportunity to realize a decade-old dream of mine ~ to become a Certified Yoga Teacher.  There was a two-week immersion being offered in Prince George this November, and I signed up for it very quickly.  Everything was falling into place – I asked my yoga teacher to become a Yoga Alliance/SOYA member so she would be able to approve my hours.  I asked my mom if she would be able to come and look after my family while I was away, and she agreed.  I got the books and I began a new routine.  I wake up at 5:30am, meditate and then study yoga for at least 45 minutes before the kids wake up.  This routine has become very comfortable for me, and I actually look forward to this Sattwic time in the very early morning.

The other day, I received unfortunate news … the Yoga Teacher Training was being cancelled due to low numbers.  At first I was very frustrated and sad.  I questioned whether or not I was meant to become a yoga teacher.  This whole situation reeked of my theme this year:  Obstacles.  I felt incredibly upset, misguided by my intuition, which is normally bang on …  And out of this short depression, I began to search for other teacher trainings.  Let me tell you, there are many, many options available in BC alone!  But as I began to search, I realized that I wanted the real thing … During these last few months I have truly begun to enjoy the new habits and routines I am creating for myself.  By carving out time for myself to meditate and do yoga, I have never felt as good as I have today.  My husband and I have even made the choice to eat mostly vegetarian meals … and I have felt such a difference in my energy levels.
Anyhow, during these realizations, I came across the Sivananda Ashram Yoga Camp .  It was built in 1962 by Swami Vishnudevananda.  The teacher training they offer is a one month intensive program.  Every day there are 2 meditation sessions, 2 yoga classes, 2 lectures, and one hour of service to the ashram community.  One day a week is lecture free.  It sounds like a very intense month, but I feel like I could learn so much at this place.  There is a deep and beautiful wisdom in the spirituality of Yoga, and I yearn to immerse myself into this intensity.  I know that this is what I want to do, and I am willing to wait for it.  I am willing to "earn" it.

There does happen to be a teacher training available November 13th – December 10th, but I don’t believe this is a reality for me this year.  I do not expect my mom to be able to come for such a long time … not this year anyhow.  My rough plan for now is this:  I will take an oath to my own self to continue to wake before my family, meditate and study every book I can find on Yoga.  I will endeavour to live my life as a dedicated Yogi, amidst the unavoidable obstacles of doing so with two children, a husband and a household to look after.  In my life, I have too often jumped into things without being absolutely sure that I wanted them.  This plan, I assure you, is foolproof!  I yearn to be the kind of person who feels continually balanced in her emotions, with enough happiness and contentment to always accept and love others, and to have patience with those inevitable obstacles. 

Because I believe this is how we were all meant to feel.  I begin my journey today, two days before the Witches New year, Halloween.  If you have a moment, please sent me some supportive and loving energy … I think I’m going to need it!

My account of the Tenderfoot Boogie 50km Trail Race

Well, it is about time I wrote the imperfect account of the 50km trail run/race I participated in just a few weeks ago. The Tenderfoot Boogie. A lot of people have regarded me as some kind of hero for even considering running 50 kilometres, but honestly I don't see it that way. It is sad to say this, but I am being incredibly hard on myself for not crossing the finish line that day. I really did have this vision, these expectations, of how the run would go. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea how much I was really challenging myself mentally, physically and emotionally.

I didn't have lofty goals as to how the run would go. No, my goals were pretty simple: Just to finish, with a smile on my face and no injuries. The first leg of the journey was fairly uneventful. I was feeling good, taking my gels and electrolytes every 30 minutes; Running smart. It was overcast, so not too warm. I kept with my strategy to start running at the back of the pack, so as to maintain my own pace, and not get swept up in the adrenaline of the start. The first part of the run was so incredibly beautiful, especially going up alongside the Cheakamus Canyon. The view was absolutely amazing. When I was nearing the top, I heard a load rumbling under my feet ... I looked to the train tracks not far below me, and there was a massive train heading into a tunnel bored into solid rock. I had such a great feeling of BC, of Squamish, at that point ~ a real rush of a long ago forgotten feeling from my childhood.

After the Chance Creek Bridge aid station, the run became much harder than I thought it would be. The terrain was quite difficult, and so technical in some parts that even though I felt good enough physically to run it, I just wasn't able to. The distance between aid stations felt like forever, and I ran out of water long before I reached each one. I even took a wrong turn onto the highway, and ended up running on the pavement for longer than I was supposed to, against the grain of that Whistler to Squamish Saturday morning traffic.

As I was running the highway, along with reams of vehicles, there were lots of cyclists going by me. I ran on the highway in the hot sun for much too long, and ran out of water and electrolytes well before I got to the Brandywine Falls aid station. But at one point, a man was cycling towards me, and I was feeling tired. As he approached he looked right at me and said "Keep going, you can DO this!" It uplifted me more than he could know ~ whomever you are, I thank you. The trails leading from Brandywine Falls to Whistler were a treat for me ... the size of the cedars blew me away. The feeling of this place was ancient and held secrets I would like to know about.

When I got to the Function Junction aid station, I was frustrated and upset and I felt so done. It took me an hour longer than I thought it would to get there. I crouched down when I did get there and just started to cry. My friend's husband was there and talked me through my moment. I said "It's just so hard". He replied "Well, yeah, that's what it's all about". And I remembered about what running is to me. It has become a spiritual quest to discover my self-imposed limitations. And to let those limitations go. When I said I was done, he didn't give me encouragement like "You can do it". He let me know what I was up against next, should I choose to continue. 1300 metres in elevation. 8 kilometres to the next aid station. 8 more kilometres after that and I would be crossing the finish line. I felt completely defeated, done, emotionally exhausted ... but I said to him "I feel done, but I also feel like I have more gas in the tank". Looking back, I'm not sure if that was even me talking. So after 8 hours of running, sweating, swearing and crying, I decided to take on a little more. I just wanted to do my best. "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift". This quote, one of the many I taped to my gels, made me stop and weep. And so, I began making my way up this massive hill ... I have never been on any trail that was so tough. It just kept going up .. higher and higher and higher. I was still trying to notice the little things ... bits of quartz here and there, tiny mushrooms, the light and the darkness in the forest, that beautiful old forest.

After a long while I was just putting one foot in front of the other. "Run when you can, walk if you have to", as a good friend had said. It was so automatic, and I realize now that under normal circumstances, I would have been very concerned about the fact that the orange and black ribbons marking the route were becoming less and less obvious. In fact, I'm certain that fifteen or twenty minutes went by between markers at some point. I believe now that there must have been an invisible hand guiding my way. I did not get lost. At the time, I did not feel guidance. At the time, I felt as though I were left utterly alone to face this pain ... the physical pain, yes, but the mental and emotional pain most definitely. I am incredibly hard on myself. I kept trying to run through the pain, and getting very angry when the feelings persisted. As if I could have run through it. As if I could have blocked it out. Running brings up some strange feelings at times, and when you are running, you are forced to deal with your issues. They do not go away, and they do not cease. For those who use running to run away ... it won't last forever. And the longer and the further you run, the more those issues will come up. At least, they have for me.

As I went on, there were increasingly more short downhills .... I was horrified when my right knee started to feel tighter and tighter with each down. It became so frustrating to have this beautiful hill that I could run down, but not be able to because that tightness turned into a clicking in the knee, and then to pain. I tried to stretch out my hamstring, my calf, my quad, I tried pointing my toes, flexing, opening my hips ... anything to release the feeling so that I could give 'er down these hills, but nothing was working. I was crying, frustrated, angry and disappointed. I could still run the flats and the uphills, so I did. And then I came to the crest of the uphill I was running. It was the longest downhill I have ever seen. I was horrified, and I started to cry, again. I walked down that hill. I was angry. All I wanted was to run down that hill. All I wanted was for someone to come and help me, but there was no one there but me. I realize now that I can be quite dependant on others to save my ass sometimes. The princess in the tower. This time, I had to rescue my own self. I finally made it to the bottom of this hill and saw a road ... "Wishful thinking, Nicole, the aid station's probably not even there". But it was!! I felt so incredibly relieved and happy ... I ran for ten hours, by myself. I faced some demons out there ... demons that I created, expectations that I had of myself. I know that I absolutely, unequivocally gave it my best. And I think I trust myself so much more than I did before.

I didn't encounter the oneness, the Divine or the wholeness that I thought I would find out there. But I encountered a truth about myself through this suffering. And I busted some great myths I had about life, and about myself.

I don't know what else to tell you.