Love is in the Air

I just found out today that my younger sister is getting married! I am so excited for her. She deserves her happiness. I am feeling the love this week .... my wedding anniversary is coming up ... my sis is getting married ... I watched "You've Got Mail" tonight. It's all so lovely :o)

Peaceful Mornings

I am enjoying a nice, peaceful cup of coffee, alone, before the kids wake up. It is such a nice way to start the day .... aaaaahhhhh. Besides, I'd better get my energy up if I want to be on my game for today. I hope my daughter is feeling better.

Yesterday afternoon I laid a blanket on the grass in the shade. I did a beautiful meditation. It was windy, but warm. Everything started to sound very clear. I listened for my fountain, and it felt as though I were inside that sound. I listened to the wind blowing the leaves on the trees, and it was the only thing that existed to me at the time. I was healing myself, but it occured to me, in that space, I was healing the entire world. Everybody.

Meditation is clearing your mind of all conscious thought. Just allow yourself to exist, to just be. I find that acknowledging my body is a good way to start. What I mean by that is to focus on your feet, and allow them to relax, then your legs, and so on, all the way up to your brain. Then close your eyes and look at the darkness, focusing on what is happening in your brain. If a thought comes in, mentally brush it to the side. You could even visualize grabbing a broom and sweeping - whatever works. Once you do this enough, your brain will remember that now is a time for no-thought. Breathe into the nothingness. Feel all that beautiful energy of Potential.

Blessed be - Nicole

My daughter unfortunately got the flu I had.

Seeing my little girl so helpless, so sick, so needy ... it really puts life into perspective. All I want is for her to feel good. That is all I want for all of us - All of the human race even.

Now she is sleeping off her sickness. I am holding up amazingly well, considering my husband is sick as well, and my little boy has a huge molar coming through. I am looking after everyone! Man, I am SO glad I got sick several days ahead of them.

At the moment they are all asleep, and I am having some quiet time. Going to go and re-energize in the sunshine.

On the upside!

I am feeling really good today! My husband and I are really connecting these days, and that feels great. I am so lucky.

I am feeling really calm and more aware. My mantra has been "Live in the Moment". I know, it's such a cliche. I'm trying not to have huge expectations of myself, or of anyone. I want to enjoy my children now, so I don't regret anything later. I don't believe in regrets.

My life is a book that has not yet been written. There is no past, no future, only now. Only this singular moment in time. I am writing, and that's it. I hear my daughter upstairs, resisting her nap - how cute is that? The boy is soundly sleeping. And I am off to work my sista's biz!

Peak

I believe my anxiety may have reached it's peak over the weekend. I was visiting my mom and other extended family, and we had a great time the first day. But that evening I became quite ill. I was lying in bed, trying to get to sleep, and I felt so much anxiety.

I was trying to quell it with my new technique: "What's wrong?" ... "What if one of the kids wakes up?" ... "You go to them and get them back to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time." .... "But what if my grandma or one of my aunts thinks I'm not doing it right?" ... "They aren't the ones who have to deal with it. You know all this."

Usually this inner dialogue is extremely effective. Now, I don't know if what happened next was anxiety-related, or if I ate something bad or what. I was freezing cold, and the two tiny lights on the TV were driving me nuts. So I went upstairs to sleep on the couch. I was still cold, and starting to feel quite nauseous, but fell asleep after a time. I woke up to have my third bowel movement of the night and ended up throwing up in the bathtub. Awful awful, blech.

My Uncle does energy work, and thankfully he dropped by the following day. I felt him pulling some major grief and ache from my heart chakra, and I felt the weakness in my stomache slowly being sent down through my legs and out. I didn't feel 100% but I felt a lot better after the healing.

Do I need to set out a plan of action, or can I finally move on now? What are my intentions for today? I really want to move on. I am moving on. Now that I have a technique for dealing with these feelings - acknowledging them rather than pushing them away - can I just be the happy, fun and outgoing person that I AM? I sure hope so.

I am a fun, easy-going, happy, well-adjusted person! Everything in my life is going really well. My kids are happy & healthy. I have a fantastic, loving and caring husband. I am healthy & happy. AND I am going to be 30! I'd better get going to plan my party :o)

Working through it

The anxiety returns. I have been ignoring the feeling, pushing it away. But that hasn't been working, and I still feel anxious a lot of the time. So I am acknowledging it. I am sitting in it and trying to work through it and deal with it. Sometimes you have to feel worse before you can feel better, and I am not feeling that great right now. I don't want to pretend that I'm not feeling this way though. That hasn't worked for me in the past, and it will not work for me now.

I did a meditation this afternoon, and I felt myself moving into the anxiousness, and it is lingering. It is uncomfortable and I want out. However, I can't help but think that there is a message in the midst of all this chaos. So I am trying to sit in this feeling and I am waiting for ... something. This too shall soon pass, right? Man, someone tell me I'm right.

Take time to center yourself

"Take time to centre yourself". This was the heart card that White Chocolate pulled for me upon reading this blog. So it is just after lunch and I have centered myself 3 times already today! I didn't realize how quickly stress builds up in me! I think it could be the whining that really puts me over the edge ...

Anyhow, thought I should note, JO has informed me she would really prefer to be referred to as White Chocolate. So I am honouring her request, and that is her name now.

I am so excited - I get to see my Grandma in two days! I haven't seen her in over a year. Up until two years ago, I saw her about once every two months. I love spending time with elders. Can't wait to see her. Neither can my daughter!

Oh, I also heard from my very cool friend, I'll call her Twin Soul here. I don't hear from her too often, because she always has something going on. Her life is all-consuming. She seems to be experiencing as much as she possibly can in this life, and I find that incredibly inspiring. Twin Soul always has enough time and energy for me, and everyone else. (If you can pin her down, that is!) I may get to see her in the Fall, and I can't wait.