Woman At Peace

Yandara Yoga Review ~ Part Three

2012-02-10T15:46:00.000-08:00

Ganesha, Remover of Obstacles

To me, Yandara's program set me up to gain the confidence, self-worth and connection I needed in order to truly become a yoga teacher. I now feel qualified, and not just because I have a certificate in my hand, but because they guided me through the process of accepting myself. I know that everyone in my group probably had a different experience, but this was mine.

As we went into the first week, we were advised that we would be going through the layers of ourselves. We would focus on the chakras one by one, again going through layers. We had Satya or Truth Circles every other day, where we went through our emotional layers. Everything we did in that first week ~ Asana class, meditation, pranayama, qi gong, even sitting down to eat breakfast in silence ~ focused on working our way through our beliefs, fears and judgements. It certainly wasn't always easy working my way through all the things I have built up in my mind. But it sure was liberating to feel that I made some great gains towards a freedom I haven't experienced since before I had kids. Our instructors had obviously gone through this experience, and it showed through the ways that they each supported us. They also seemed to know the process well enough to predict when one of us might need additional support, and had the wisdom to offer that support in a gentle, loving way.

I personally experienced several shifts in my awareness, and there is one experience in particular that I'd like to share ...

We were working on the solar plexus chakra quite a lot, through being asked to dance alone in the middle of a circle of nearly 30 people, to quietly meditating in that space, to being asked to accept ourselves for who we truly are. The solar plexus chakra is all about self-worth, self-acceptance, personal power, and our sense of belonging. It is also the area where I was holding anxiety. It happened during asana class. We had just gone through a standing/twisting series, and when I came up to standing I felt really dizzy. I just stood there with it for a moment, but the feeling seemed to linger ... everything around me slowed right down, but seemed shaky and unreal at the same time. Then I felt a vibration coming from deep within my solar plexus, and it went right through the chakra ~ I could actually feel it! It came out of me like a shockwave, and I literally saw ripples cascading out of my energetic body and into the physical scene in front of me. It was an amazing feeling of breakthrough for me, as I had been trying to work through those issues of self-acceptance and self-worth for so long. Perhaps my issue was that I never truly accepted myself for who and what I was during those difficult times just three short years ago. When the experience was finished, I just continued with the asana class, and when that class was over I felt different. I no longer felt myself holding tightly in the solar plexus ... I felt lighter in all ways, and calm and ... at peace. When I started this blog I titled it "Woman At Peace" as a future hope ... a seed that I planted and nurtured and loved. I know there will always be work that must be done, but I feel so much gratitude for this feeling.

During the time of all this deep personal work, I did cry a lot ... I would say several times a day. I wasn't sad, I was crying tears of gratitude, acceptance, and unconditional love. Just being in contact with these feelings is life changing. There was nourishment everywhere ... from the beautiful yogis who attended class beside me, offering a hug or a kind word or a smile. The cooks offering amazing food to nourish our hard working bodies ~ always fresh, delicious and vegetarian. The ocean, constant with sound and movement ~ a visit to her waves was always greeted with joy and a feeling of smallness and greatness at the same time. Yandara is truly a magical place. I don't know if I will ever have to opportunity to go back to the Yandara in Mexico, but I do know that when I teach yoga, I feel Yandara all over again.

Whenever you begin to work on your issues, ingrained habits and behaviours, always finish with an intention, or a vision, of what you want your life to look like. There is a real power in setting an intention ... they eventually always come to fruition. When you stop and take notice of that fruition, you give yourself Faith. Faith can heal the whole world. Faith in people, Faith in yourself, Faith in God or the Universe, Goddess or Godd"Us" (as April of Jaya had said) Allah, Buddha, Mother Mary, or whomever you resonate with.

Treasures from Todos Santos

2012-01-21T12:07:00.000-08:00

While I was in Mexico, I met a very nice man named Ivan who was selling handmade jewellery in the plaza across from the church. He had a big cloth spread out on the grass, and many amazing pieces ~ most of which included beautiful stones and crystals. Some of which I actually didn't recognize. One of the things I have a great passion for is stones. Always have, since I was a child. I ended up purchasing an amazing Labradorite bracelet, and Ivan gifted to me an Orthoceras pendant.

The Orthoceras is a curious stone, and I had never seen it before. He told me it was ancient, full of wisdom. Only today have I been researching it's qualities. All I know is that it is curious, unusual, and it seems to have a primal energy to it. I have since discovered that it is a fossilized mollusk, and is the ancestor of the modern day squid.

On a spiritual level, Orthoceras allows for recognition of accomplishments. This stone can stimulate the thymus ... the thymus is the "educator" for the T-cells in our bodies that fight foreign substances. It is all so fascinating to me. It is amazing to feel the power of such a stone, knowing that it carries some of Mother Earth's secrets, and that it could truly help us. That is why I rarely leave the house without a stone or a crystal. I simply love the energy of them.

This is the Labradorite bracelet ... Ivan told me the stone was his favourite, and it is from Canada. It really resonated with me, and I just knew it was for me when I saw it. Apparently, Labradorite can be found in meteorites - how cool is that?! According to an Eskimo legend, the Northern Lights were once imprisoned in the rocks along the coast of Labrador. It is told that a wandering Eskimo warrior found them and was able to free most of the lights with a mighty blow of his spear. Some of the lights were still trapped within the stone, and thus we have today the beautiful mineral known as labradorite.

This is what else I discovered about Labradorite:

- a highly mystical and protective stone, a bringer of light

- deflects unwanted energies from the aura and prevents energy leakage

- clears, balances and protects the aura

- strengthens intuition

- calms an overactive mind and energizes the imagination, bringing up new ideas (perfect for writer's block!)

There is so much to learn about the complex planet we live on, and I figure that my part is to enjoy and appreciate everything I can about her. I believe it is the energy that you tune into that will help you heal yourself, and ultimately, the Earth.

Resources: "The Crystal Bible" - by Judy Hall; "The Encyclopedia of Crystals" - by Judy Hall

Middle of the Night

2012-01-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

In the middle of the night there is a sound that occurs.

It wakes no one.

In fact, it puts them to sleep with the reverberatingsilence that it makes.

A peaceful sound, but to me it is unending, deafening,loudly interfering with my own peace of mind.

It is the sound of my inner voice, and yet the Universe, allat once.

It creates, it destroys, and it tortures one with the ideathat Change is really All. There. Is.

Like the soft, white blanket of snow outside my window, it shouldinsulate me ...

But taken in the wrong context it is cold, unforgiving, andslippery underneath.

Is there one thing that could ease this landscape in mymind?

Anything?

Anything at all?

I look to my heart for answers and it is painful.

But the pain comes from resisting the truth of the answer.

Nothingness is not all it appears to be. I know this.

It is the gateway to possibility.

It is the pure potential you hear about.

It is all a matter of perception, they say.

~Written by Nicole Aracki

Yandara Yoga Institute ~ Review Part Two

2012-01-16T16:21:00.000-08:00

I must apologize for the length of time it has taken me to write this next part of my Yandara review! Life has been busy around here, with the kids, running, yoga and figuring out my classes ... not to mention the challenge of integrating everything I learned at Yandara into my "householder" life!

Being at Yandara was a gift in so many ways. I learned so much about listening to my own body, and understanding what it means to do so. It was important to me to use my special time at Yandara to truly get a taste of Yoga, or Union. For me, the way to Union was through meditation, and I was given plenty of opportunity to get there. Sitting on the floor almost all day was difficult during those first few days, but once I got used to it, I was able to really feel that silence during meditation. Something happens when you tell your body what it must do, and that there is no way out of it. Over time, your body begins to either accept the discomfort, or it finds a way to be comfortable. We were shown many different methods of meditation, pranayama and asana, and there were a number of things I had not experienced before. Kate and Shane have experienced so many different ways of practicing Yoga, and listening to their background stories was inspiring. They were both very honest with us about the practices, which I greatly appreciated. Kate had said, many times, that because we would only be together for a short time, they were trying to offer us absolutely everything that they had.

Some of those lessons are still sinking in, and some of them are ingrained already.

Yandara is very near to the ocean. It was only a few minutes to walk to it from my tent, and there were some mornings that the waves were crashing so loud it was like a thunderstorm overhead. Except during the full moon. The ocean was completely calm then. There were many mornings towards the end of the training that I awoke at 4:00am, not able to fall asleep again for the waves were calling me. I would walk to the beach in the dark and just feel myself being there. On one night, in particular, the moon overhead was hidden by strange black clouds, and as they shifted the water would change ... from inky darkness to a shimmering black and silver liquid. The moonlight spilling herself onto the great expanse of water. And me, absorbing that feeling, knowing that I would have to go home soon. I like to think that the feeling will be reserved inside of me for all of my life, waiting for me to draw upon it.

You could see the ocean from the main pavilion, where we spent most of our time. Some mornings we could see whales making morning rounds. There were always birds chirping, and huge bees buzzing around. And the cacti are unreal. And all of this is part of Yandara's magic, because you see it and feel it more clearly. My own personal sentiments about nature were amplified by Sarasvati, when we would do walking meditations on the beach. She would remind us to allow nature to draw us into the present ....

The grounds were meticulously cared for, the food, as I have mentioned, was amazing, the bathrooms were clean, and the showers were always hot. I only have one complaint, and that is: I didn't want to ever leave!

If you have questions about anything about yoga teacher training, Yandara, yoga in general please send me an email ~ I would love to correspond with you!

Sat Nam, Nicole

Yandara Yoga Institute ~ Review Part One

2011-12-23T07:22:00.001-08:00

I recently had the great pleasure and honour to attend Yandara Yoga in Todos Santos, Baja Mexico for their 16-day training. Where do I begin to explain how wonderful my experience was? I suppose I should start … from the start! We arrived just before dinner, and had a brief orientation before choosing our new homes ~ good-sized tents that were placed mindfully around the property. They had a firm single bed, a little nightstand, and a small lamp. It was a lovely little haven to return to each night. We had a quick dinner, vegetarian and absolutely delicious. Then it was time for Satsang … All the instructors were there: Craig, Allison, Sarasvati, Shane Christopher, Kate, Amber and Shawna. They gave us a brief orientation and all introduced themselves. Then it was time for kirtan! We sang mantra and kirtan, and I was fully in my element. The band Jaya will come nearly every night to lead the group in kirtan ~ this I am so incredibly excited about.

One thing I loved about being at Yandara for those 16 days was the mindful living. They run on solar power, so every time I turned on that little lamp, I felt a connection to the sun and a deep welling of gratitude. They have composting toilets, so all paper waste goes into a garbage bin. I found myself just noticing how much paper we were using. We all got to choose a karma yoga task ~ Susie and I chose boiling hot water for tea before class. Karma yoga is meant to be performed by devoting the actions to someone in need, or to the group, or to the Universal Divine. One performs a job very well when it is done in the name of someone else. Each movement becomes mindful … meaningful.

After that first day, everything truly is a blur. The program is structured very carefully so that students can learn as much as possible, and no moment is wasted. The first week, for me, was all about personal growth. Our instructors, Sarasvati, Kate and Shane Christopher got us diving into all things yoga immediately. I remember how tough Kate’s first asana class was, but how it completely took my headache away, and how much lighter I felt after we were done. Shane Christopher seemed to have a mission to help us to shed the layers that were no longer serving us with meditation and movement. And Sarasvati was so fully present with an unconditional loving, embracing and compassionate energy. She truly is amazing. The three of them together were a powerhouse of information, with deep personal experience to draw on. I could feel the wisdom in the room. I will go more into detail with all of this later, of course!

It definitely took a few days for everyone to get settled into the routine. The schedule was packed every day:

6:30am – 9:00am Pranayama or Asana & Meditation

Every other day we had Discourse (philosophy) with Shane Christopher – which I loved!

9 – 9:30am Breakfast in Silence

9:30 – 12:30 Asana Breakdown (including Assists)

12:30 – 2:00pm Lunch

2:00- 4:00pm Teaching Practice

4:15 – 6:00pm Asana Class / Satya Circle (alternating)

6:00 – 7:30pm Dinner

7:30 – 9:15pm Satsang

I will get more into the details of my experience over the next few weeks ~ I have so much to share about this once in a lifetime opportunity!

Sending you love ~ Nicole

And That’s The Way the Universe Works

2011-11-23T08:54:00.001-08:00

In my last post, I wrote about how the yoga teacher training in Prince George was cancelled. I tried desperately to make sense of the situation, but moreover, I tried my hardest to have faith. You hear that all the time, about faith. But when it is your turn to strain your eyes for some glimpse of light, when stranded in those vast, dark spaces, it feels incredibly difficult. For weeks after I got the news I pored over “Yoga teacher training” searches on Google. I didn’t feel desperate, I was just searching methodically for something that would match my needs. One day, after I’d given up hope of finding anything in the next three months, I casually stumbled across Yandara Yoga Institute. They conduct their teacher trainings in Baja, Mexico, and because of that, I nearly dismissed it … but for some reason I couldn’t dismiss it. As I started looking at the information, I realized that this might just be the right fit for me! The first synchronicity was that it was exactly the same price as the first training I was going to take – but this included meals! Of course, I would have to pay for my plane ticket … which looked like it could be very reasonable … Everything began to fall into place. My husband okayed it, my mom said she could come for the 2 1/2 weeks to watch the kids, we happen to have almost all the money for the trip … No Obstacles.

This year, for me, has been all about obstacles, delays, pushing through doubt and uncertainty, and claiming a new strength. I know that I have been undergoing a long transition, which possibly began when I moved to Quesnel ~ Nearly six years in the making. For a long time, I have spoken to myself in unkind ways, telling myself that I’m not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough. Thinking that I wasn’t a good enough mother. Believing that I could never run 15 kilometres, let alone 50 kilometres. ~ Having faith in the myths of my mind ~ Granted, most of these comments were subconscious, something much hard to monitor than the blatant words of our conscious minds.

As I have been meditating every day for the last several months, I have come to truly appreciate that silence. As I prepare to embark on this new journey, I am setting intentions to come back with a new balance in my life. I don’t know exactly what is waiting for me in Mexico, but I will find out in less than a week!

A Quest for Real Change

2011-10-29T14:30:00.001-07:00

In a recent and surprising turn of events, I have decided to try and turn my life into something different than it is now. I suppose I will be trying to change who I have come to be, in a sense. Several months ago, I discovered an opportunity to realize a decade-old dream of mine ~ to become a Certified Yoga Teacher. There was a two-week immersion being offered in Prince George this November, and I signed up for it very quickly. Everything was falling into place – I asked my yoga teacher to become a Yoga Alliance/SOYA member so she would be able to approve my hours. I asked my mom if she would be able to come and look after my family while I was away, and she agreed. I got the books and I began a new routine. I wake up at 5:30am, meditate and then study yoga for at least 45 minutes before the kids wake up. This routine has become very comfortable for me, and I actually look forward to this Sattwic time in the very early morning.

The other day, I received unfortunate news … the Yoga Teacher Training was being cancelled due to low numbers. At first I was very frustrated and sad. I questioned whether or not I was meant to become a yoga teacher. This whole situation reeked of my theme this year: Obstacles. I felt incredibly upset, misguided by my intuition, which is normally bang on … And out of this short depression, I began to search for other teacher trainings. Let me tell you, there are many, many options available in BC alone! But as I began to search, I realized that I wanted the real thing … During these last few months I have truly begun to enjoy the new habits and routines I am creating for myself. By carving out time for myself to meditate and do yoga, I have never felt as good as I have today. My husband and I have even made the choice to eat mostly vegetarian meals … and I have felt such a difference in my energy levels.
Anyhow, during these realizations, I came across the Sivananda Ashram Yoga Camp . It was built in 1962 by Swami Vishnudevananda. The teacher training they offer is a one month intensive program. Every day there are 2 meditation sessions, 2 yoga classes, 2 lectures, and one hour of service to the ashram community. One day a week is lecture free. It sounds like a very intense month, but I feel like I could learn so much at this place. There is a deep and beautiful wisdom in the spirituality of Yoga, and I yearn to immerse myself into this intensity. I know that this is what I want to do, and I am willing to wait for it. I am willing to "earn" it.

There does happen to be a teacher training available November 13th – December 10th, but I don’t believe this is a reality for me this year. I do not expect my mom to be able to come for such a long time … not this year anyhow. My rough plan for now is this: I will take an oath to my own self to continue to wake before my family, meditate and study every book I can find on Yoga. I will endeavour to live my life as a dedicated Yogi, amidst the unavoidable obstacles of doing so with two children, a husband and a household to look after. In my life, I have too often jumped into things without being absolutely sure that I wanted them. This plan, I assure you, is foolproof! I yearn to be the kind of person who feels continually balanced in her emotions, with enough happiness and contentment to always accept and love others, and to have patience with those inevitable obstacles.

Because I believe this is how we were all meant to feel. I begin my journey today, two days before the Witches New year, Halloween. If you have a moment, please sent me some supportive and loving energy … I think I’m going to need it!

My account of the Tenderfoot Boogie 50km Trail Race

2011-08-24T10:53:00.001-07:00

Well, it is about time I wrote the imperfect account of the 50km trail run/race I participated in just a few weeks ago. The Tenderfoot Boogie. A lot of people have regarded me as some kind of hero for even considering running 50 kilometres, but honestly I don't see it that way. It is sad to say this, but I am being incredibly hard on myself for not crossing the finish line that day. I really did have this vision, these expectations, of how the run would go. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea how much I was really challenging myself mentally, physically and emotionally.

I didn't have lofty goals as to how the run would go. No, my goals were pretty simple: Just to finish, with a smile on my face and no injuries. The first leg of the journey was fairly uneventful. I was feeling good, taking my gels and electrolytes every 30 minutes; Running smart. It was overcast, so not too warm. I kept with my strategy to start running at the back of the pack, so as to maintain my own pace, and not get swept up in the adrenaline of the start. The first part of the run was so incredibly beautiful, especially going up alongside the Cheakamus Canyon. The view was absolutely amazing. When I was nearing the top, I heard a load rumbling under my feet ... I looked to the train tracks not far below me, and there was a massive train heading into a tunnel bored into solid rock. I had such a great feeling of BC, of Squamish, at that point ~ a real rush of a long ago forgotten feeling from my childhood.

After the Chance Creek Bridge aid station, the run became much harder than I thought it would be. The terrain was quite difficult, and so technical in some parts that even though I felt good enough physically to run it, I just wasn't able to. The distance between aid stations felt like forever, and I ran out of water long before I reached each one. I even took a wrong turn onto the highway, and ended up running on the pavement for longer than I was supposed to, against the grain of that Whistler to Squamish Saturday morning traffic.

As I was running the highway, along with reams of vehicles, there were lots of cyclists going by me. I ran on the highway in the hot sun for much too long, and ran out of water and electrolytes well before I got to the Brandywine Falls aid station. But at one point, a man was cycling towards me, and I was feeling tired. As he approached he looked right at me and said "Keep going, you can DO this!" It uplifted me more than he could know ~ whomever you are, I thank you. The trails leading from Brandywine Falls to Whistler were a treat for me ... the size of the cedars blew me away. The feeling of this place was ancient and held secrets I would like to know about.

When I got to the Function Junction aid station, I was frustrated and upset and I felt so done. It took me an hour longer than I thought it would to get there. I crouched down when I did get there and just started to cry. My friend's husband was there and talked me through my moment. I said "It's just so hard". He replied "Well, yeah, that's what it's all about". And I remembered about what running is to me. It has become a spiritual quest to discover my self-imposed limitations. And to let those limitations go. When I said I was done, he didn't give me encouragement like "You can do it". He let me know what I was up against next, should I choose to continue. 1300 metres in elevation. 8 kilometres to the next aid station. 8 more kilometres after that and I would be crossing the finish line. I felt completely defeated, done, emotionally exhausted ... but I said to him "I feel done, but I also feel like I have more gas in the tank". Looking back, I'm not sure if that was even me talking. So after 8 hours of running, sweating, swearing and crying, I decided to take on a little more. I just wanted to do my best. "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift". This quote, one of the many I taped to my gels, made me stop and weep. And so, I began making my way up this massive hill ... I have never been on any trail that was so tough. It just kept going up .. higher and higher and higher. I was still trying to notice the little things ... bits of quartz here and there, tiny mushrooms, the light and the darkness in the forest, that beautiful old forest.

After a long while I was just putting one foot in front of the other. "Run when you can, walk if you have to", as a good friend had said. It was so automatic, and I realize now that under normal circumstances, I would have been very concerned about the fact that the orange and black ribbons marking the route were becoming less and less obvious. In fact, I'm certain that fifteen or twenty minutes went by between markers at some point. I believe now that there must have been an invisible hand guiding my way. I did not get lost. At the time, I did not feel guidance. At the time, I felt as though I were left utterly alone to face this pain ... the physical pain, yes, but the mental and emotional pain most definitely. I am incredibly hard on myself. I kept trying to run through the pain, and getting very angry when the feelings persisted. As if I could have run through it. As if I could have blocked it out. Running brings up some strange feelings at times, and when you are running, you are forced to deal with your issues. They do not go away, and they do not cease. For those who use running to run away ... it won't last forever. And the longer and the further you run, the more those issues will come up. At least, they have for me.

As I went on, there were increasingly more short downhills .... I was horrified when my right knee started to feel tighter and tighter with each down. It became so frustrating to have this beautiful hill that I could run down, but not be able to because that tightness turned into a clicking in the knee, and then to pain. I tried to stretch out my hamstring, my calf, my quad, I tried pointing my toes, flexing, opening my hips ... anything to release the feeling so that I could give 'er down these hills, but nothing was working. I was crying, frustrated, angry and disappointed. I could still run the flats and the uphills, so I did. And then I came to the crest of the uphill I was running. It was the longest downhill I have ever seen. I was horrified, and I started to cry, again. I walked down that hill. I was angry. All I wanted was to run down that hill. All I wanted was for someone to come and help me, but there was no one there but me. I realize now that I can be quite dependant on others to save my ass sometimes. The princess in the tower. This time, I had to rescue my own self. I finally made it to the bottom of this hill and saw a road ... "Wishful thinking, Nicole, the aid station's probably not even there". But it was!! I felt so incredibly relieved and happy ... I ran for ten hours, by myself. I faced some demons out there ... demons that I created, expectations that I had of myself. I know that I absolutely, unequivocally gave it my best. And I think I trust myself so much more than I did before.

I didn't encounter the oneness, the Divine or the wholeness that I thought I would find out there. But I encountered a truth about myself through this suffering. And I busted some great myths I had about life, and about myself.

I don't know what else to tell you.

Purpose

2011-07-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

What if your only purpose on this earth was to spread love & joy?

What if you used every moment of your life to make this possible? I think for me to personally make this happen, I would need to always move from a state of love.

Yesterday I participated in the beginning of my transformative journey. I attended a Kundalini Yoga Light Shop at the Satya Yoga Studio in Williams Lake, BC. The light shop was led by Yogi Bhajan of Catalyst Yogi.

What I got out of HariBhajan's teachings were many ideas about living my life as my true spiritual self. I can hear my ego and my mind fighting against this shift, and I feel as though it may take some time to integrate the many things that I learned just yesterday. I truly believe that there is a shift happening in the world right now, and I would like to be a part of the light that can guide others into truth and happiness. We are all vehicles for the transformation that is happening right now. We all have a choice to live our lives with a sense of peace, brotherhood and love. You can choose to help others instead of helping only yourself, because in truth, that helpfulness is clearly recognized by the Universe. This infinite and vast place where anything is possible. There is nothing you cannot do!

As of today, I find myself needing to just slow down and pay attention to my inner dialogue, and to correct those thoughts that hinder me. Those inhibiting thoughts we all have ... those limits we place on ourselves .... "I could never run a marathon" ... "I am not ready to teach yoga" ..."I can't keep up with those other people" .. "I don't have enough money for the things I want" ... "I'm not thin enough to wear this or that" ... "I eat too many sweets" ...

Our minds DO create scenarios for us so that we become distracted from living our lives in peace. In order to remain relevant, our minds and egos are consistently creating reasons for us to spin our wheels and go nowhere. As long as we are caught up in some drama, we won't have time to focus on what is real and what is most important. We won't have time to spread joy & love to others because we will be spending that time on believing we aren't good enough to do it. I, for one, am not going to participate in this drama any longer. As of this moment, I am going to let go of fear and free myself to live my life in absolute truth. Yes, I deserve it, but you deserve it too.

What can you do in the next 24 hours to spread joy and love?

Ongoing Transformation

2011-05-27T06:27:00.001-07:00

We are continually transforming, whether we are aware of the process or not. Sometimes a transformation takes place over a looong amount of time, and you didn't even know you were getting anywhere until the journey was through. It is not easy to be aware of your shortcomings, obstacles and negative patterns. In fact, it takes a lot of strength to be honest with yourself, and to face these destructive ways of being. But it hurts more to ignore the way you limit yourself. It hurts a lot to look back and see how we limited ourselves even as children. I catch myself saying things that limit my own children now. Sometimes I call myself on it right in front of them because they deserve to believe in their highest potential. I have actually said to them, "You know what, you shouldn't listen to what I just said. You can do anything you want to do". Aren't we here to reach for that highest potential?

I made a decision this winter that I am no longer going to limit myself with my thoughts and actions. It was a huge revelation for me to say this out loud, but I didn't know that this statement was going to be challenged. I just assumed that this declaration would be like all my other declarations: I believe in this new statement for a while, get really good at recognizing the pattern, and then drop it when my interest wanes. This time I don't have the opportunity to repeat myself. This time I actually must face my lifelong pattern of behaving weak and slow and not good enough. I am challenging these beliefs because I want to be strong. I want to rise up in all ways and seize this life I have always wanted to have. I want to be the person I have always wanted to be. This highest potential that I've denied myself for so long.

My vehicle for this transformation is my own two legs. I will be running a 50km ultra marathon, on the trail, in June. This is happening in my hometown of Squamish. I have also decided, after ten years of wanting it, to enroll in yoga teacher training this Fall. And I am so excited to be in this place!!!

Earth Mother

2011-04-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

My feet are light and effortless,
the spirit of the Mother
floats me across her land
like a feather
up steep craggy hills
over roots that reach for me
there is no better place for me than
time spent with the Mother.
And when I ask what I can do
to honour this land of ours
I hear her whisper in reply .....
honour me in your heart

Honour Me
breathe my air
and walk my soil
drink my waters
and with all your soul
Honour Me

By Nicole Aracki

Pushy Wind and the Curiosity of Bluebirds

2011-04-11T06:46:00.000-07:00

Marathon Training has been going really well. I am finding out how strong I really am, and I can see now why so many people have been cheering me on! Running has brought out in me so many gifts I never knew I could tap into. Yesterday I was running towards a fork in the road, and was trying to decide which way to go ... straight, up the hill that goes on forever? (I should be getting those hills in) ... or turn right and take the more meandering, undulating road? All of a sudden, I got vertigo and nearly fell into the ditch. I quickly realized that I hadn't actually felt dizzy at all ~ it felt more like someone pushed me. I have a sneaking suspicion that one of my guides actually did push me, in order to get my attention. After all, I did end up choosing the more meandering route, and was richly rewarded. It seemed that every animal along the route was unapologetic in their interest in my presence. The horses in one field began trotting alongside the fence behind me. There was a lone hawk trying to get my attention, but he was bombarded by a couple of territorial crows. The hawk showed up later in my run by soaring above me and landing in a tree, where I couldn't see him. As I peered up into the trees, looking, he flew out again to land on a tree where I could take a look at him. And the most curious and interesting sight: I was running alongside a pasture and noticed a flock of small birds to the right. They were flying up and down, altogether, and at first I thought they were waxwings, as I've seen them all winter. Then they landed on the fence and all I saw were dots of blue - there must have been twenty little bluebirds! As I ran towards them, they would fly off the fence, one at a time, and would land on the far end of the fence. They followed me for a few minutes, curiously observing me. Now, I have never actually seen a bluebird, and I was completely taken by these little blue wonders! I don't know what the next year holds for me, but these little birds, for me, are the mark of the many changes that have been happening deep within me. For all I know, those birds could have been some part of me, looking at my own self and marveling at tthe differences. I am finding an inner confidence, a mental strength I was so afraid was not even there, and a physical endurance I was petrified to even attempt to make my way towards. To me, those bluebirds represent Pride in my accomplishments. I am doing so many things that I never thought I would or could do. And I am so done with limiting myself. I am a vessel for unlimited potential, and I am ready to take on more challenges. And if I can do it - You can do it. Sending out love ~ Nicole

Earth Energy

2011-03-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

With the season changing after a long, cold and sometimes brutal winter, my thoughts are turning to New Life. Now that I can finally see some grass in my yard, however brown it looks, I am beginning to fantasize about my garden. The excitement is building as we anticipate the little green shoots to start representing themselves. I planted about one hundred bulbs in my front garden - all naturalizing - and I can't wait to see how they multiply this year ... especially my darling daffodils, the sunny faces of Spring! There are, of course, other seeds that were planted last year as well. Seeds of thought, seeds of love, seeds of Intent. Those are the things that will grow as result of my thoughts and feelings during the colder months of the year. I have a great fondness for all four seasons, though you will catch me in the moment saying "Spring is my faaaavourite season", or Fall, or Winter, or Summer! It is because each season represents something that is happening deep in the earth, and also deep in our souls. We are inextricably connected to this earth and the waves of feeling that pass through it. When we connect to nature, we are connecting deeply to our own selves, and to all people who walk upon this earth as well. This common experience - walking upon the earth - is something that is easy to take for granted. It is your choice as to whether or not you acknowledge the gratitude of the earth for your presence. How do we honour the Earth in return? The answer is simple: We sit silently in reverence for it. We take the time to just Be in nature. There is something ancient and sacred about simply being quiet in and amongst the trees of a forest. There is something indisputably holy about sitting on top of a cliff or a hill overlooking a river, a forest, or the ocean. The peace that is there for you is immediate, and perfect. You can offer your energy and your blessings to the earth, and that is so worthy of your time. We all know that the earth is going through some vigorous change right now, and it seems to be in upheaval. It seems to be unbalanced. Is it possible that the earth is reflecting the state of mind of so many of us on this planet? Many many people are disconnected from the roots of survival - our land - and this is not something that can nourish us. It is interesting how a disaster can bring people together ... to mourn, to give attention to the planet, to bind ourselves to one another with true thoughts of peace, compassion and love. Perhaps this beautiful planet is crying out for this. Can we humans be proactive and start being more mindful and more deliberate with our actions? Honestly, I am not talking about recycling, green energy, hybrid vehicles, or anything else that perpetuates the myths of money in our society. I'm not trying to get you to "think green" or to feel guilty about the extra packaging on your favourite granola bars. My motivation is, and has always been, Energy. Sending out my love ~ Nicole

Finding One's Way

2011-02-27T08:47:00.000-08:00

We all have a purpose on this earth. Maybe this is something that you've heard before, but never truly considered. What would it mean if you actually had specific things to accomplish, orchestrated right down to the minor details? What if there are things in your life that will keep coming up for you until you deal with them? You know the things I'm talking about - uncomfortable things, challenging things, seemingly impossible things. What if you were your only obstacle to obtaining a sense of true, lasting peace? What could this mean?

This has all been coming to light for me, personally, since I picked up "Sacred Contracts" by Carolyn Myss. I have always believed that I chose this life, the scenarios, the people, the challenges. I remember as a child reviewing the romantic relationships that I would have, being clear that the first love wouldn't be the only love, and knowing that there would be a truer love awaiting me. I also remember consciously choosing to forget my "contract" in order to fully live this human life.

This message of order was brought into clearer focus still when I attended a Women's Lodge with Dianne Tharp of Ayami International. We were asked to create a life's mission statement for ourselves. By focusing on what makes me ... me, it truly brought my whole philosophy about life into clearer focus. The things that I've always held as rules for myself are very important actions and lessons, and are a huge part of what I have to offer the world. My one governing rule is very simple, and was something I first learned from my mom: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This is how Jesus worded it ... But when researching this very simple idea, I came across a beautiful plethora of quotes from all different religions:

Buddhism: "Hurt not others with that which pains yourself."

Judaism: "Thou shalt Love thy neighbor as thyself."

Hinduism: "One should always treat others as they themselves wish to be treated."

Zoroastrianism: "Whatever is disagreeable to yourself, do not do unto others."

Confucianism: "What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."

Christianity: "Whatsoever ye would that others should do to you, do ye even so to them."

I certainly don't know what the rest of my life holds for me, but I do have a clearer focus on the direction I'd like to lead my life in. I want to be a person who helps others to feel positive, confident and peaceful. I want to live my life in a way that spreads joy and love to the world. Here is my personal life's mission statement:

I will be a confident role model and an inspiration to others. I will strive to connect others while enjoying the magic and the goodness of my connection to the Divine. "Harmonious Spontaneity".

All we can really do is to be more conscious in the way we decide to encounter our lives. Maybe that means taking the time to really consider our reactions to people, places and situations in our lives. Maybe that means setting an intention at the dawn of each day. These are all things that make life simpler, but perhaps this is the key to living a fulfilling life. All I know is that I am taking a vow today to be more mindful of my reactions. That is something I have control over.

Marathon Training

2011-02-07T06:57:00.001-08:00

I decided to be brave a few months ago, and I have begun training for a marathon. I am still trying to figure out why I feel this need to train for something so big. Especially today, when my muscles are tired, and I'm still fighting to get myself rehydrated .... my mouth is so dry.

Why do we willingly challenge ourselves? What is the point of such a venture? These are the kinds of questions that held me back many times from achieving wonderful things. Once upon a time, I walked away at the sign of any challenge - big or small - and now I am taking on one of those big feats, and I'm not sure why! I suppose I want to prove to myself that I can do this. There is the question of failure, always. But I am beginning to know about failure, and sometimes the best lessons are to be had from it. The only person who recognizes your failures is You. I know I am not going to be the very best at this, but I can do my very best today, and when I look back I will be proud. Proud that I saw the challenge, took it, and trained four days a week, tried to eat the right foods, tried to drink enough water, tried to get in tune with my body.

It is fascinating how much our bodies say to us, and how many times we disregard these messages. I can see how easy it is to lose touch with our physicality, by simply ignoring. It is becoming clearer every day that I need to pay attention to the signs and symptoms of my body. I cannot ignore my body's reactions to certain foods, to coffee, to sugar (groan). But I feel encouraged by this training to put only the best fuel into my body, simply because I feel better when I eat well. All such simple concepts, but so easy to ignore! Especially the sugar ... I am a baker after all ... But even in that way, I feel challenged to bake things that are low in sugar and fat, adding extra healthful ingredients to get the highest level of nourishment from all food.

I don't know what road I will be weaving through in my mind throughout this training, and that scares me a little, I admit. But I am quickly discovering that this running is forcing me to face some very basic facts about myself. At this point most of me wants to skulk away, avoiding these things: I am addicted to sweets. I don't spend time preparing healthful foods for myself, but I will do it for my kids. The idea of a challenge still freaks me out. I don't listen to my body.

But I am now facing these facts, and I cannot wait to see what kind of person emerges from these strong legs. My strong legs.

Here is a little recipe I created that is very healthy!

Stuffed Avocado Salad

Slice an avocado in half lengthwise, remove the pit. Scoop out the green goodness and dice. Toss in a bowl with cooked Quinoa, diced tomato and diced orange peppers. Drizzle with Apple Cider Vinegar & Olive Oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper. Combine well, and serve in the avocado shell. Happy eating!

Playing with Stones, Crystals and other Gems

2011-01-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I was strolling through the mall, without kids, and on the way to do my grocery shopping. I happened to stumble across two tables laden with beautiful stones & crystals of all shapes and varieties. After talking with the man who was presenting the stones, I told him I was going to choose something, but that I had to settle down ... I was looking with my magpie eyes and not with my heart. He knowingly withdrew his energy from me, sat down and allowed me to choose, without interfering. I am very attracted to raw stones, and I also like to wear them as pendants, so that cut down the list considerably. I was attracted to a bright turquoise stone, that I'd never seen before and a dark blue stone that only could have been Lapis Lazuli. The other stone turned out to be Amazonite. ( I will post pictures a little later).

I have been wearing the Amazonite for several days in a row now, and it is singularly the most calming stone I have ever met. On a normal day, I am relatively calm, but with two young children, my balance gets upset more than once every day. It takes a lot for me to stay level-headed, happy and at peace. But with this piece of Amazonite around my neck, I feel more calm, more relaxed and more at ease than I have in many years. I am so grateful. In "The Crystal Bible", Amazonite is described as follows: "This is an extremely soothing stone. It calms the brain and nervous system and aligns the physical body with the etheric body, maintaining optimum health. It balances the masculine and feminine energies and many aspects of the personality. It is a stone that helps you to see both sides of a problem or different points of view. At an emotional level, Amazonite soothes emotional trauma, alleviating worry and fear. It dispels negative energy and aggravation." The book does reveal more about the stone, but this will give you a rough idea ...

Stones, crystals, rocks and all other forms of minerals truly have so much to offer us. It is my belief that stones hold more than just scientific information ~ There is a wealth of spiritual information that is coming straight out of the earth upon which we tread. Stones hold the memories of our planet. It is up to you and I to ask the right questions. Here is a simple meditation you can do with your stones in order to cleanse them of negative energies and to prepare them for use:

Get into a comfortable position. Some people like to sit cross-legged with a straight back. Others may have an easier time lying down on the floor. If you choose to lie down, don't get so comfortable that you feel sleepy! Have your stone nearby, but don't hold it yet. Get yourself settled, body & mind, breathe in and out through the nose. When you feel that you have slipped into a quieter space, pick up your stone. Continue to breathe in and out, focusing at the point between your eyes on the exhale. Feel your breathing start to coincide with the pulse of the stone.

Now visualize white light surrounding the stone, penetrating it, cleansing it of all energies. When you are finished the stone's energy should feel somewhat neutral. Before you charge your crystal, it is wise to ask the stone to reveal itself to you. You may ask "what do you have to offer" or "what can I learn from you"? Wait quietly for the answer, and be prepared that it may sound like your own voice ~ because of this, it can be easy to miss the answer! Now you may charge your stone. Charging a stone is basically like programming the stone with your wishes. For me, with the Amazonite, I asked for a calming quiet energy, and to be notified when I am getting anxious. You can say "I charge this stone with _______ energy. Please guide me with your energy, and notify me when I stray from my truth".

Other ways to cleanse a stone include bathing it in the light of a full moon, passing it through the smoke of burning incense or a smudge, or washing it with cool water (check to see if it's safe for your particular stone - some stones will disintegrate when in contact with water). Enjoy!

Perspective

2011-01-06T19:33:00.001-08:00

It has been a long time since I wrote an honest post about myself ... or at least it feels like it. During that time, I am certain that I have strayed further away from myself than perhaps ever before. But not without reason, of course. Being slightly outside of myself allowed me to check out my life objectively, and I am back to life with some new things to add.

For the first time since my eldest child was born, I have stopped wondering what I am going to do with my time once both children are in school. I feel that all the projects I've been a part of in the last few years have planted many seeds in many places. ~ Mom to Mom Support Group ~ Woman & Spirit Workshops ~ Baking By Design ~ So many opportunities yet to be presented that I can hardly wait to find out what they are. It is amazing. And the stress and the worry about having time on my hands has vanished. In all honesty, I can't wait to have some time on my hands. Time to devote to myself, to meditation, to running, to yoga, and eventually to some sort of paying work. At this point in time, I find myself wondering if I need to commit to anything at all? Who knows, maybe I will bake a few cakes one month, and do reflexology or energy work the next month. Maybe I will own a business, or maybe I will work for a corporation. Whatever happens, my number one priority will be to my children ~ being home for them when they get home from school. Having that time to connect with them before the rush of dinner and homework. There is the possibility that they would rather play with their friends, or watch television ... but I know I will get my time in with them.

For today, I am enjoying their littleness. They are great people with big personalities and contagious laughs, and they have so much they want to share with us. All my kids seem to want from me lately is my Time. And thankfully, that is something I can give to them wholeheartedly.

Working with the Goddess

2010-11-17T20:12:00.000-08:00

Whether you are man or woman, we can all benefit from working with the Goddess ~ in any of her many forms. When you focus your gaze on the wise woman living within you, there is a connection there not found in other spiritual haunts. Connecting with Goddess is connecting to the womb ... Home ... the darkest places of the earth ... the furthest depths of your soul.

Whenever I have a question that requires the greatest truth and wisdom, I call upon the Mothers and Grandmothers, the keepers of the light, the Ones who went before. And they always have the answers to my most profound queries.

The chant above is one I use when I need to draw upon the well of woman's knowledge. It always takes me to the place I need to go. I always hear what I need to hear, even if it's something I don't want to hear. But connecting with Goddess will give you the strength to listen, follow through, and stay strong ~ through the most challenging of journeys.

Trust in her and she will offer you her strength. Blessed Be ~ Nicole

Reincarnating ~ Choosing Your Destiny

2010-11-10T18:09:00.000-08:00

I felt guided and inspired to write about a controversial subject today. For the past little while, I have been deep in thought about reincarnation ~ something I strongly believe to be a truth. I believe that when we finish this life, we go to a place of resting until we are ready to take on a new life. I believe we choose the life that will help us to learn the lessons we need to learn. I believe that we make a conscious decision about many of the details that will mold us into the human version of our spirit selves: Parents, siblings and other carefully placed influential people. Living conditions, place of birth, and most especially our challenges. Some of those challenges may be outside influences that we have no way to control. Some might not have enough food to eat, fresh water, shelter, or clothing. A person might be abused, physically, sexually or emotionally.

It is important to honour every being's path and existence, no matter what it is, and that includes the thought that somebody may have chose to learn their lessons in a life changing way. It is not for you or I to say that someones existence is right or wrong, good or bad, just or unjust. A wise woman I met once said this while giving advice to another: "You should be thankful to this man for the lesson he taught you; You learned your lesson very well. You will not forget what he taught you, and you will not make that choice again."

While you can go through life with this belief that we all choose our experiences, it is not a reason or an excuse to turn the other cheek when you see something you do not agree with. It is important to listen to your inner guidance about who to help, and when. Does our compassion for others ebb and flow, as so many other things do in our lives? Some days it is very important to care for others, reach out with love, nurture the souls of others and to truly participate in the feminine side of life. On the other hand, it is also important to honour the times for turning in that nurture to our own souls, allowing the more masculine side to take over and allowing us to be concerned with only what is immediate.

Whatever we choose to believe is just that, a Choice. My question to you is: Where did your choices begin? Do you believe that some unknown force decides your entire destiny? Or do you believe that you chose what is happening in your life? Have you ever decided you wanted your life to be a certain way ~ and has it ever manifested?

If you could plan out your next life, what would you choose? How to approach a question like that .... How can you be better, today? What can you focus on to change into the person you long to be? Is there anything you can do to love your life, every moment of it? I would love to hear your thoughts on this post ... so please feel free to comment!

Meditation Ideas:

See the joy in the small things in your life. Every once in a while, sit down and observe what is happening in your own world. Watch the wind blowing through the trees, silently. Immerse yourself in your surroundings, notice things that you see every day, and honour them in reverence. Look at your hands and feel what they represent. Take deep breaths and relax your face ... just be in this moment. Choose to live mindfully, today.

The Prerogative to Change One's Mind

2010-10-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

Change. The word itself makes some of us want to turn around ... and run away. Change, whether imposed or willed, is difficult for many of us. Deep in the core of our beings, we long to fulfill some destiny, but sometimes the actual steps required may be more daunting than we initially thought they would be. You must remember that you are the master of your own destiny ~ anything that you long for can most definitely happen!

The trick is, you have to allow the changes to occur. And sometimes, on rare occasion, you have to be the enforcer of the change. It is okay to turn your back on a path you are walking, even if it is just to look over your shoulder with a longing glance towards yesterday. Or to a time you felt was flowing more smoothly. It is okay to change your mind about something when it is not becoming exactly what you thought it would be. Sure, there are times when it isn't possible to quit or slow down, and you may not want to ~ those times should be honoured ~ maybe there is a lesson there. But when something is feeling complicated or difficult, or if you keep coming up against obstacles, it is okay to try something different. Perhaps there is another area of your life that needs attention ... Perhaps your energy would be better spent on something that is constantly nagging at you: Exercise, schooling, laughing, meditating, doing yoga, going for long walks ... Perhaps all that you need is a momentary break to figure out some nagging details of a recent venture. Then maybe it will be possible to continue on the path you were on, with ease, joy, and love. The flowing river of life.

Whatever decisions you make in your life will never be considered mistakes in the end. Look at your life as a meandering journey filled up with as much experience as you can pack into it. Take chances. Take breaks. Be in love with yourself. Be in love with the whole world. Try something new, and then rest if you can. Reflect on your life, daily. Be grateful for all that you have. Live your life in a balanced way ~ Make sure that you feel at peace sometimes. And above all, don't be so hard on yourself. You are the master of your own destiny.

Connecting with Trees

2010-09-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

Tree Shadows - translated from Japanese

All hushed the trees are waiting
On tiptoe for the sight
Of moonrise shedding splendour
Across the dusk of night
Ah, now the moon is risen
And lo, without a sound
The trees all write their welcome
Far along the ground

I recently watched a documentary on KCTS explaining the history of the Appalachian mountain regions. It was titled "Appalachia: A History of Mountains and People". One of the things that I got from this beautiful story was the strong sense of connection the early settlers had to their surroundings. There was a respect for the land, including her mountains (there are hundreds of named mountaintops in this region, all with a story), trees (including one tree that was nearly put into extinction by an imported tree of the same name), rivers, streams and of course - the earth itself. These people understood that trees, especially, offered so much to them in terms of food, protection and more.

I love trees. I think we all do, because they offer a kinship. And a connection to the deepest parts of Earth, through roots that plunge into depths we couldn't reach on our own. When we lean on a tree, we can feel that connection very strongly. There is nothing quite so grounding as leaning on a tree, allowing that tree to support us, to remove negative energy, to drain away tension and anxiety and sadness. When I see large roots surfacing to the ground I walk on, I see it as a great gift. The roots of trees remind me of veins and arteries, carrying lifeblood from the light of day down into the depths of our beautiful planet. Where this energy can be cleansed, and where seeds can be sown for later, drawing strength over time, and gaining ancient knowledge to be used at exactly the right moment. There is no greater incubator for such things than our dark, moist and feminine earth.

I find it interesting that trees announce themselves each season as well, constantly reminding us of their importance to the nature of our world. They reflect our own nature as well ... leaves transforming before falling from the tree, preparing for winter. The dormant, introverted process of winter. The burst of energy and colour in the spring. The bold and boisterous, celebrating green of summer. It all reflects our humanity in some way.

And so, now and then, take the time to appreciate a tree. Sit at its' base, gaze lovingly at one, hug one, decorate one ... allow yourself to feel your roots extending into the center of the earth - grounding you, teaching you, understanding you. Draw on the ancient wisdom of the great tree ... one of our great teachers.

Balance?

2010-09-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

Balance is something many of us strive for, and many of us never achieve. If every day we are struggling to: eat well, sleep well, be good parents, work hard, exercise, pick up the mail, go to the bank, do the laundry, do the dishes, cook the meals, AND schedule some time for spiritual, creative or intellectual pursuits ... Do you think you should beat yourself up at the end of each day wondering if you "achieved" balance?

What is Balance? Is it fair to ever think that Balance is something we can have? If your life is not balanced, is it chaotic instead? And why do we think that Balance should be the focus of our lives? Is it ever okay to throw up your hands and say "f*%k it!" and live in the moment? What would happen if we could all pass on the responsibility for worry to our spirit guides, angels and others?

Is it possible that there is a natural balance to everything? Most cultures and religions believe that there is, of course: Yin and Yang, Good and Evil, earthly and spiritual. Perhaps this natural balance takes it's form in ways we don't think about, such as:

~ work being spiritual in nature
~ washing our hands as a form of prayer
~ the smile you give a stranger as an offering
~ comforting a sister as invoking Goddess nature
~ holding your child's hand as an expression of Godliness
~ exercising patience as a form of meditation

When you embody your true self in love, and you surrender yourself to the natural order of things, you can truly have the opportunity to experience your life in balance. Living in the moment, breathing in each breath of your life with your natural awareness, maybe you will begin to live your life. When life gets hectic, and your guilt starts to build over what you haven't done, take a deep breath and let it go ... or say F*#k It!! (Whatever works). Perhaps it won't feel like balance, but you might feel instead a true inner happiness, rather than a feeling of dread as you go over the checklist of your life.

Women of Power

2010-08-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

The other night I was able to be a part of something amazing. I was invited to a women's full moon ceremony. Now, my good friend and I open circles together several times throughout the year, but this was the first time I would be attending someone else's circle. At first I felt defensive about going, that this circle would somehow overshadow my personal efforts. But I knew I had to attend, I knew there was a reason. I suppose there always is.

We started the evening by writing down "I invite the Goddess of the Moon into my life to ... (fill in the blank)". We were also to write down what in our life we are thankful for. Many of us went on writing for a long while before it was time to move on. Next we were each asked to pull a card from a large variety of decks: Egyptian Tarot, Goddess cards, and others.

The two women leading the circle, Dianne and Beverly, talked for a while about what it means to be a woman ~ the Power we have within us to make anything happen ~ How no man was ever born without a woman's permission ~ How even the Son of God was born from a woman ~ How no thing ever happened to a woman without her authorizing it in some way; We are never victims. We talked about how, during the Feminism Era, we wanted to be like Men ... and how it is now time to be Women again, embracing that deep, connected power within.

We were instructed that we would each have a turn to tell others what the card we chose was saying to us. We were reminded that each card would have a message for not only the person who picked it, but for each member of the group. I was blown away at how much wisdom we had, standing together like that. Dianne and Beverly were consistently aware of the underlying theme to every woman's situations, and were incredibly talented at pulling us together. What really struck me was how each and every woman in that room was going through some kind of huge transformation, including me.

One thing that Beverly said really hit home for me: We need to walk the road between the light and the dark, veering off to experience this or that and then returning to that middle ground. Walk between the light and the dark. Perhaps this is something I have been missing at times ... pushing aside that Shadow Wisdom in favour of love and light ... perhaps I did that out of fear? I do believe that we are here to experience every single moment to the fullest extent that we can. For myself, I am content to take my life one day at a time .. and one moment at a time when things get out of hand.

I am so thankful to have been a part of such a special evening, and to have had the opportunity to channel that ancient women's wisdom with others.

Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again! ~ Nicole

2010-08-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

I have been on a hiatus from focused spiritual activity for several months now, and I am finally beginning to feel the pull of the Divine. Could I be ready to tip the scales back into balance?

As I mentioned in previous posts, this is the first time in my life where I truly felt an aversion to "practicing" my spirituality. With this whole situation I have been feeling seriously guilty, as though I am neglecting myself. In a way, I have been neglecting myself, but during a meditation today I drifted into that lovely space and heard the words "It is always here for you, whenever you need it".

That got me thinking ... perhaps I've been led astray in thinking that I need to pick every situation in my life apart, prying it open to find meaning. What need was I fulfilling by deciphering every message with a book, a card ... someone else's words? I have talked about this in the past, that the answers are always available ~ all you have to do is ask. So was it that I didn't believe it? Or was it just fun for me to play a game of detective? Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with asking questions, and trying to get more information about something that you don't understand. But when you are waiting for the next "message" instead of living a life of peace, in peace, is there something missing there? Did I miss anything valuable when my head was bent over a book, floating around in someone else's world? Or is that part of the experience too ~ Not being able to focus on more than one thing at a time ~

During this time of "incubation" I have noticed my family animal totem, the bald eagle, soaring above me ~ reminding me of all the sacredness of life. But not once did I look up the meaning again. I simply nodded my head and watched him soaring in circles, high up in the sky, observing the world with a new perspective, a changed mind, and a strength from that deep, vast place where all our hearts convene.

Namaste, my friends.

Transformation: Final Stage

2010-07-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

I am slowly coming through a recent transformation, and it has been the longest concentrated process of change I have been through. There has been a consistent feeling of a very silent surface … with very much going on inside of me. I am relieved to have finally come to a life-changing realization. For some reason, it will be difficult for me to post on this blog, but in reality, it is only hard on my Ego.

Eleven years ago, I received my First Level Reiki certificate. This happened during another transformation, where I was coming out of a dangerous place in my mind; a time during which I had abused my mind, spirit and body. Reiki, and the community that came with it, cradled me through some difficult memories. I was twenty years old, with no direction, and no real idea about the big world around us. Really, I had little confidence in myself and my abilities. I thought that because spirituality was the only thing I understood fully, surely my career would follow this path. (What else could I be good at?) To be honest, I actually felt obligated to the art of Reiki to incorporate it into my life fully, in order to repay the Universe for the gifts I was given. Writing this now, I realize that there are no debts to the Universe, most certainly not for the gift of healing! I know now that my only obligation is to enjoy my life, sharing all the love that I can, and living mindfully.

So I started asking myself some questions: What is my passion? What do I love to do? The answer came to me so simply: I love to write and I love to bake. I saw a vision of myself in my own bakery, helping people, brightening their day with something sweet, sharing my love and my passion, giving a gift. There were other times that I tossed the idea of baking around, but I always had a million reasons why I wasn’t good enough to pursue it. I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner! In my early twenties, I worked at an amazing bakery called The Wildflour Bakery in Sechelt, on the Sunshine Coast. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was soaking up the techniques like a sponge. I would watch the bakers making cakes, tarts, bars, cookies and bread ~ fascinated. I would ask questions, watch how their hands moved, notice what the bread dough looked like under their hands, or how firmly they were pressing shortbread into pans. Even when I moved back to Squamish, working at a financial planner’s office, there just happened to be a French pastry chef working across the street. I loved to go there, some weeks it was every day, to pick up something sweet. I remember longing to go into the kitchen to watch Alain perform his magic, but I never asked.

Baking has always been a passion. And now I am ready to pursue it fully … so I’ve opened a home-based business! I am already busy filling orders, and I have to say, I absolutely love it. I feel like I am doing exactly what I should be doing. Living my life.

Confrontation

2010-06-25T14:09:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I was never given a true example of how confrontation can be addressed in a positive way. Like most women in my mother's generation, confronting someone was seen as a very negative thing to do. I think there is a positive and constructive way to confront someone, but that doesn't make it easy.

Recently, I was forced to confront an acquaintance of mine who stepped over the line in our relationship. When it first happened I was willing to ignore it, to just let it go. But a friend of mine, when I told her what had happened, said to me "What kind of relationship do you want to have with this person? Do you want to allow this to happen again? Because by not saying anything, you are silently giving permission for this to happen again." I was sick for three days about the way this person overstepped the boundaries, and the feeling wouldn't go away. I was forced to confront the situation. I said my part and walked away, allowing this person a way out should they want to hide from me for a while, in shame. I also gave this person permission to discuss the situation with me. Honestly, one confrontation is enough for me, but should this person want to talk with me, I need to be open enough to listen. And strong enough to keep my boundaries clear.

A few months ago, when we put on the "Boundaries and You" workshop, I thought I knew something about boundaries because of my experiences in my family. It is so much harder when faced with a challenge outside of your comfort zone. By being passive in this particular relationship, I really was giving this person permission to walk all over me. And that wasn't right. It is okay for me - and you - to set up boundaries early on, and to confront another person when those boundaries are overstepped. For me, personally, I am hoping this whole situation will blow over quickly. With a new outline for us to follow, I am sure that this person and I can move on in this relationship amicably. There is always the chance that this person may be hurt or embarassed by what I had to say, but sometimes you need to call people on naughty behaviour. It wasn't right what happened, but because I said what I needed to say, I can feel myself forgiving this person. Having compassion for someone who wronged you can be a very powerful thing.

The Dark Side of Change

2010-06-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

When it comes to writing, I have a bad habit of only writing when I feel balanced. In this moment, I am going through a transformation … one that is feeling quite large and a bit unmanageable right now. I find that resisting the transformation was making it incredibly more difficult to deal with. I am now trying to allow the process to unfold without interfering. Some days I’m not sure if I can be strong enough to face the dark side of my spirituality – the side that shapeshifts, that turns everything I know out of me, changing my perceptions forever. How can I simply accept the fact that I am being changed forever, that everything that makes me who I am will be gone?

Well, perhaps not everything about me will change … but that is the hard part – not knowing what to expect.

For three years, I have been asking for freedom from anxiety, for direction in my life once the kids go to school, and for clarity of my life’s purpose. I’m beginning to think that my life’s purpose is just to live it, and that thought honestly makes me feel a little disappointed. Aren’t I meant to do something Big? Aren’t I meant to change peoples’ lives? Aren’t I meant to feel peace and harmony once I find this “life’s purpose”? For the most part of this period of discomfort I am going through, I have tossed my hands in the air asking, “What’s the point? What’s the point of being spiritual? What’s the point of trying so hard and I am seemingly getting Nowhere?”

The only one of my beliefs that seems to be sticking for me right now is one that my mother taught me when I was very young: The Golden Rule ~ Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be nice to people. Give them something of yourself – a smile, a hand on the shoulder, a laugh. That gentle consideration of others that is often lacking in our world, because of insecurity, fear, weakness.

What began this transformation was, of course, the Sound Healing workshop I attended a few weeks ago. After the workshop was over, I felt compelled to thank Danielea ~ I didn’t know what I was thanking her for, and I still don’t. After a few days, I think I realized that I was only at the beginning of something much larger, and the darkness set in pretty quickly. It was only a few days ago that I finally asked for guidance, ending my resistance to this change. I pulled one of the Mayan Oracle Cards and was blown away by what I chose. CAUAC - You are entering into a time of profound quickening and transformation . You have come to the edge of what you have known yourself to be. Cauac beckons you to step into a fire that changes every level of your being, even the underlying structures of your life. Step into the unknown - your metamorphosis has begun!

I am finding it incredibly challenging to write about this at a time where I have no resolution or reason for the emotions I’m feeling. But perhaps that is part of the process of change ... for me, there is no better way to own up to how I'm feeling than writing on this blog.

If anyone else has stories of transformation, I would love to hear them ... I am asking for guidance and help with all of this, because I feel incredibly overwhelmed right now.

In Gratitude ~ Nicole

Sound Healing

2010-05-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

I was recently blessed to attend a workshop hosted by Danielea Castell. (She came all the way to Quesnel!) Her company name is One Conscious Voice – if you are interested in learning more, please check out her website: www.oneconsciousvoice.com/

I am not even sure where to begin in describing the experience I had in this workshop. I look back on it now, and in each moment I remember thinking “Well, this isn’t very significant” or “Shouldn’t I be feeling more?” … thoughts like these circulated in my mind throughout the course of the evening. At the end I went to thank Danielea, and I felt as though I were thanking her for something that was going to occur in the future. Something that has not manifested yet, but is slowly being put into action inside of me. She knew, without words to hug me, enveloping me with a sense of peace, love and understanding.

The sounds brought me together as one with both Mother Earth (Gaia) and Father Sky (Cosmos) … a beautiful meditation we were guided through. As I connected to Father Sky, it is almost as though I surrendered my voice, my spirit, my body to the Cosmos. My voice was no longer mine, but a buzzing droning sound … a sound that made me feel happy and sad, irritated and relaxed, elated and mournful ~ all at exactly the same time. I honestly did feel like the Divine Child … I really was taken to that place of naiveté, innocence and Oneness. Strangely enough, I felt no peace in this place, just a sense of movement, change, and growth. What has changed in me, I do not yet know. I feel as though I know so little, being exposed to something so vast …

Time is ripening the gifts that were exchanged, and the next morning I felt like I was finally coming down from the buzzing energy. Sound can change a person. Especially when you are the person making that sound, with intent and with passion.

Revelations were certainly had during the night, allowing me to weep, allowing me to let go of my earthly cares, allowing me to come back to the place of nothingness. Perhaps that is why I felt discomfort at times. Perhaps that is why I felt a loss at times. After feeling such a huge sense of connection, why do I feel so lost and confused now? Where does one go after facing the nothingness?

Creating Change

2010-05-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

There is something I need to learn about stagnancy. It seems as though everyone and everything around me is moving, doing, taking action. I feel as though I am in the eye of the storm where all is calm and still, yet just outside of this tiny world I'm in, there is a perfect chaos taking over. A chaos understood, and even planned by our beautiful Universe.

People come in and out of my life, teaching me, embracing what I have to offer, and then some of them leave. Some of the people I've met since I moved here have been exceptional, phenomenal people. People who I grew to love and accept wholly into my life as dear dear friends. Friendships that will last the rest of our lives. Please don't misunderstand ~ I am not complaining, or feeling sorry for myself. I am just trying to embrace the situation that is consistently being presented to me in this place.

Quesnel is an interesting place. What I've noticed is that the people who move here are confronted by what they first perceive as a wall ~ a wall of judgement and ... almost .... persecution. It is a stigma that is often laid upon small towns that is sometimes deserved, and sometimes not. Quesnel is not what it appears to be on the surface. There are many many people here searching for something so much bigger. Inevitably there are always comments about how in a town like this, we can't expect to have a worldly frame of mind, because anything "different" will get you stoned or cast out. As outsiders, we perpetuate that story, allowing it to partially dictate what we do, what we say and how we act while living here. The best thing that a person can do is to be themselves, speak freely, and offer their knowledge and previous experiences to the collective. Everything changes, we all change, we all move in, move on, move up, and move out. When you not only embrace change, but make change, you are truly servicing your community.

Next month marks our fourth year living in Quesnel, and it is amazing to me how much this place has challenged and changed me. What I have come to realize in the past year is that Quesnel, and perhaps any place, is truly a blank canvas. I can have access to anything I want here ... but it is up to me to publicly announce what I would like to see ... and at times I have been the one to add something new to the community. I have had to step out of my personal comfort zone, roll up my sleeves and start a Mom to Mom Support Group. I have told strangers about my postpartum anxiety. My friend and I have put on workshops about spirituality ~ this was something that pushed me immediately outside of my comfort zone. But those workshops represented something larger than us ... I see now that more and more energy is building for spirituality, creative expression, yoga, sound healing and more. It is amazing to see the changes that are taking place, and I am honoured to witness them.

One of the rewards of living in a small town is that you have the opportunity to help build a foundation that gives a place its' character. For me personally, I am working on making peace with the stagnancy that I am being challenged with. I sometimes feel as though I am firmly rooted here, with no thoughts to leave, and if I can embrace my groundedness, I can be a very strong support for others. Perhaps I am a bridge for many people, a connection, a safe passage through a challenging situation. And that is something I believe I can enjoy offering to those kindred spirits who weave in and out of my life.

With Gratitude, Nicole

Sibling Relationships - Part Two: Breakdown

2010-05-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

On the afternoon of my last post, something happened to change my perspective drastically on my sibling relationships. Out of respect, I won't get into too many details about what transpired. But I will say that one of my sisters made a decision that I didn't agree with. I felt offended, hurt, betrayed that she could make this decision, even though in the big picture, it shouldn't affect me. I have always been overprotective of my sisters, probably since day one, and I have felt a responsibility to watch out for them. But I realized that I am not responsible for these women! My happiness is not dependant on theirs, and sooner or later I will have to let go of that.

I have begun that process already. Now that I am becoming aware of the deep energetic connection I have with her, I am realizing how much I am attached to her. So, several times a day, I find myself "cutting" that energetic cord, releasing my responsibility and allowing her to make her own choices. Without my judgements, which can be harsh and a little too honest, at times. So often in our relationship, I've wanted her to approve me, to accept and love me. Even if it involved betraying my true self. Perhaps that is why I found it appropriate for me to judge her, and to hold an idea in my mind of who she should be. When that isn't who she truly is.

Our families, no doubt, are the blank canvas with which we begin our lives. But we don't have to remain stagnant in anothers' perception of us, and our siblings do not need to either. Our definitions of each other must change, and we need to allow the opportunities in order for that to happen. Holding on to anger, hurt and disappointment only makes it harder to live a life independent of judgement. I am slowly learning this ... and I am not finding it all that easy. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I know that peace is waiting there for me. And my siblings, if they choose it.

Sibling Relationships

2010-04-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

Sibling Relationships - Why are they so much different than most other relationships? I think they are different because you feel that because you were raised in the same household, and in essentially the same way, that your sibling somehow understands you. That they somehow know why you are the way you are, and that they feel the same way you do.

Sibling relationships seem to be, in childhood, a testing ground for social behavior. In the transition to adulthood, it is easy to remain in a state of competition with your siblings. There a point where some of us draw a line in the sand as to what we will put up with, and the result can sometimes cause a temporary rift in a relationship. Sometimes, if the competition or rivalry has been going on for quite some time, these temporary rifts can become long, deep-rooted silences.

In my personal experience, if you can somewhat detach yourself from the family dynamic you grew up with, you can pave the way for a healthier relationship to flourish. Throughout our formative years, we are slowly squeezed into a mold that we often allow to define us as we enter adulthood. This stereotype is dependant on our temperament, the personalities of other family members, as well as mutual experiences within our families. An example: The family goes to an adventure park - the oldest one is challenged by another family member to try bungee jumping, or the zip cord. The oldest one is used to being brave, and is frequently commended by other family members on this trait. The parents often boast to outsiders about this quality. In a way, the oldest child has no choice but to be the brave one, because that is what is expected of him.

When we can break free of these expectations and obligations, we open ourselves up to becoming friends with our brothers and sisters. This means letting go of previous judgements, grudges and negative experiences that involved our siblings. It also means forgiveness. I am lucky enough to have become friends with my two sisters, and I’d like to share some thoughts about them here. I hope I’m not crossing any boundaries by doing so.

My eldest sister is a very intuitive woman who has taught me, and continues to teach me, how to take care of myself. She takes care of herself, knowing when she needs alone time, journaling nearly every day, and constantly looking for new inspiration. These are important aspects of life that we women tend to forget about or push aside. She is independent with a strong will, and a free spirit. She can laugh and make me laugh like nobody else can. Her and I can get so silly together, making up characters, songs, crazy dances and the like. We usually end up laughing so hard that our bellies hurt. We connect deeply on a spiritual level, and both hold the belief that you create your own destiny – no one else is responsible.

My youngest sister is a nurturing, caring person with a big heart. She loves everything about food, and that is where we connect the most right now. She loves to cook, she loooves to eat, and she loves to try new things in the kitchen. She is incredibly passionate about food, and is willing to take chances when she cooks, which I admire about her. She loves to be near the ocean, fishing and being immersed in nature. She gives so much to her husband, and revels in his attention. And she is another silly sister! When the three of us get together ... it is probably unbearable for other people. But we love each other, and would do absolutely anything for each other.

I have a tendency to try to take care of both of my sisters, which has its’ downsides, as not many adults need to be taken care of. I know there is a stigma about my place in the family because I am the only daughter who has children. There are still beliefs in our society, that family life (married with kids) is the best life. I don’t necessarily believe that’s true. I am happy with my life, and I know this is where I am supposed to be. But I know my sisters are happy with their lives too. Their paths are unique and beautiful and ... their own.

Cry If You Want To

2010-04-26T07:39:00.001-07:00

Our lives are built upon a foundation of balance. Everything we let into our private psyches affects us, but did you know that each circumstance in your life is dependant on the other? We are part of the whole, and this is reflected in each aspect, large and small.

Our emotional balance depends on so many details ... minuscule matters such as how you awake in the morning, whether you drank coffee or tea, what the weather is like, the moods of the people in your home, and countless other circumstances. There are of course bigger things that affect us as well, such as an argument with a loved one, a close friend moving away, someone close to you being sick, and many many others.

In light of these revelations, it is important to recognize that our emotional balance varies from day to day. There is no reason to be hard on yourself for not being as happy as you were the day before. Be gentle with yourself, and continually recognize that you are an emotional being and that things affect you. There are many books, movies, songs and poetry about remaining positive, but I believe that sadness performs a purpose. Sadness give you an opportunity to become an introvert, focus solely on the feelings and then release them. You can use your emotion to purge your negative feelings, and to essentially make room for more love, more happiness and more peace in your life. It is okay to cry. It is good to cry.

This reminds me of a Holly Cole song called "Cry if You Want To" ... Enjoy!

The Mother, Earth

2010-04-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

Mother Earth
She whispers Thank you
she feels my gratitude and echoes me,
I feel her presence
exchanging from the earth body to my own
I feel the divinity coursing
changing me
my blood is water
my body is dirt
my breath is fire
I am the air
cool, transient, unavailable
and sometimes forsaken
retribution in stillness
holding on to hope
Mother Earth, she bleeds for me
She bleeds her soft welcome so I can see
It is not pollution or misuse of the land
it is the lack of communication
I honour her when I walk upon her
stepping over her roots
she feeds me from veins that plunge into meaty soil
She needs me, and I need her
this exchange never ends
It goes on and on and on
We all need her this way

Honour Your Body

2010-04-09T06:59:00.001-07:00

I was recently scheduled for a day surgery, and it got me thinking about how much our bodies are capable of. Have you ever taken the time to really think about how amazing your body is? The response you get when you honour and accept your body will probably be surprising for most people. When we look at our round bellies, less-than-perky breasts, muscular legs and all the other wrinkles, marks, rolls and dimples, it is easy to see our bodies as less than perfect and less than whole. But how much more real can you get than looking at these perceived imperfections and simply accepting them for what they are?

Most people, when they focus on their bodies, tend to use that focus towards exercising, dieting and feeling physically well. When will people begin to use that focus to look at the body as a perfectly whole vessel? Our bodies are a shell in which we get the opportunity to experience this life. But our bodies also hold a vast amount of knowledge we cannot understand unless we utilize its' power. Let us use the energy that these beautiful bodies can store and produce to manifest the spiritual lives so many of us yearn to have! Our physical bodies can elevate us and form a bridge into different levels of awareness.

Using vigorous exercise is certainly a way that you can change your vibration and experience having control over your body – this kind of exercise is immeasurable in terms of how it can make you feel. Part of this involves surrendering to the activity, blocking out thoughts of limitation, and embracing the truth in the experience. Another part of this requires you to listen closely to your body, and to honour your body when there is pain or discomfort. I believe the most important thing you can do is to trust your body. We all have accidents, we have all been hurt physically, and it is a jarring sensation. Some of us have had to undergo long recoveries from broken bones or surgeries. How much time did you spend allowing your body to recover from trauma? And did you have a dialogue with your physical self? Did you forgive the physical part of yourself if you felt let down, or if you lost faith?

Learning to trust and honour your body is an intimate and loving experience. As children, we used our bodies in any way we could, and it was fun to experiment with the possibilities! We would spin, we would run, we would hang upside down. We are still capable of all these actions as adults, but it feels sort of silly to perform these acts now. But that is exactly the point - using our bodies in this way changes our energy. For me, it is trail running. Single track, through the trees with roots exposed, branches reaching out to brush my head, mud everywhere. Allowing my body to do what it knows to do. I don't need to think about it, I just allow my body to move. It certainly was a long process learning to surrender to instinct, but I assure you, it has been worth it.

There are so many ways we can use our bodies, so why do we allow our brains to limit these possibilities? Take the time to honour and trust your body, and you will find you are rewarded with so much. Do what you can do today - spin in a circle, jump up in the air, lay on your bed with your head hanging upside down off the edge. And allow your body to do what it knows to do.

Needy Black Cat

2010-03-31T21:37:00.000-07:00

It's not often that I receive inspiration to write in the evenings, but tonight inspiration parked itself in front of me, asking for a response. I went out for a walk with a good friend, weaving through the downtown neighborhood. We stopped in front of a house to chat for a moment, and I heard a little meow ... I, of course, made a kissing-come-hither-kitty noise, and the cat came running. A beautiful black slithering leg rubbing thing, he decided to come on a walkabout with us. We walked and walked, and soon realized we should loop back and drop the kitty off where we found him ... we talked to a neighbor who didn't know who he could belong to. And so he followed us some more.

My friend kept saying that I was meant to bring him home, but I knew deep down that this was a test from the Universe. This week I took back my body, and have come full circle from surrendering to pregnancy and childbirth. I have given a lot of myself, physically, mentally and emotionally. We don't realize as we are embracing pregnancy and new-motherhood that we will be giving so much of ourselves over to sustain new life. We don't put a lot of thought into how things will affect us in the long run, and the impact of all that we say and do as those children grow. I realized, as this darling creature was following us, that he would probably be a trouble maker, and an attention fiend, and that he would most likely yowl through the night ~ I could see this neediness in him. What he really needed is someone who needs him back with just as much intensity. And so I kept walking, even when the lights of the downtown core brightened around us. And I kept walking, even when he stopped to sit on the sidewalk, knowing full well he shouldn't go any further. He called after me, asking "What do I do now? Where do I go? I'm hungry!" I kept walking because I knew that I could not provide the things for him that he ought to have. Even though it truly broke my heart.

Halfway down the next block, there were some people eating a late dinner on a bench. I heard the woman say "Could we go somewhere warmer to eat?", and it crossed my mind to mention the cat, but quickly disregarded it. I didn't say anything at all. My friend and I sent lots of love and light to the sweet, lonely, friendly, silky-smooth black kitty. He would surely find his place. We separated to our vehicles, and just as I started my van, my friend looped around with her window open to tell me that the cat was now with the people sitting on the bench. I feel that the cat is safe now, and has secured himself a home with someone who can devote the love, time, and attention that he will certainly require.

It is not up to me to feed the world, clothe the world, or comfort the world. Once upon a time I believed that I could survive on the love in my heart, but as I've matured, I have begun to realize that when you give too much of yourself you end up with less. When you learn to trust the Universe, and know that the Universe provides everything we need and ask for, you begin to develop the talent for channeling that energy. What I witnessed tonight is that I don't have to provide everything for everyone, and that I am not the only person who can provide solace to someone in need. We are always offered the people, circumstances and experiences that we need to grow. It is up to us to accept or decline.

Rain Here, Rain There

2010-03-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

It is raining in the Cariboo this morning. It rained all last night. The sound, the smell, the sight of glorious wet rain is something I miss very much about living on the Coast. It hardly ever rains in the Cariboo ...

There was something about Squamish rain that allowed me to remain in a very deep part of myself for days at a time. The rain truly gives one permission to revert back into oneself, dwelling in that deep, dark, introverted place of reflection.

I remember the day I figured out that if my feet, hands and head were dry, I could walk in the rain for hours. The soft, insulated sound of the raindrops splatting on my umbrella kept me in a very safe space in my mind. The moist air would rise up around me, huddling inside the umbrella, supporting my head - my brain, my mind. There is something very grounding about that humid rain, even when it is so cold it find its' way into your bones. I miss the feeling of falling asleep to the sound of heavy, pounding rain assaulting my roof, and me safe and cozy under the covers of my bed. Under the covers of so many things ...

The open skies of the Cariboo have convinced me to open myself up more, to embrace the extrovert that I have the ability to be; a shapeshifter in nature. Although the absence of huge mountains and massive trees was a shock to me at first, I now appreciate the openness of this place. I was forced out of the nest in many ways when we moved here, and the absence of the security the mountains provided was very apparent for me. Now I feel free, open and ready to truly embrace my life, my future, my passions.

I feel like the Cariboo is preparing me, slowly feeding me experiences, getting me ready for ... well, that I do not know. The other day I became incredibly frustrated because I don't know where my path is leading me. There are things I think I want to be and do, but it seems as though the Universe has other plans for me ... plans that I am not privy to. The only message I received was "Enjoy your children". Is that all? Is that simplicity the thing I am supposed to embrace in this lifetime, or is it just what I am supposed to embrace right now? You might say the Cariboo is making me feel restless ...

I believe that every place we live, visit or pass through, has something o teach us about our lives, our world, our Universe. Tuning in to the heartbeat of a place is not exactly an easy task, especially if the circumstances that brought you there are challenging you. Believing that there is a purpose underlying everything that you experience is a powerful tool, one you will use at some point - it could be tomorrow, it could be next month, it could be five or ten years from now. If I can personally remember that, I am going to be well on my way to letting go of my restlessness, and embracing the moment I am in. Like this moment now, this beautiful feeling of connectedness I receive when I write.

Inspiration: What is Your Role?

2010-03-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

Inspiration: Where does it come from, and do you have to participate? Messages are there for us all the time, but it is up to us to look deeply into these messages to discover their meaning. It is also up to us to act on our gut instinct and follow that feeling, wherever it leads us. I was reading "Jack and the Beanstalk" to my kids the other day, and it got me thinking about inspiration too ... you might even say it inspired me to write this post!

In the story, Jack and his mother are forced to sell their only source of income, their milk cow, out of dire necessity. The only possibility the Mom could think of was "sell the cow so we can eat". When Jack returns home, having traded the cow for "magic beans", she becomes incredibly upset, throws the beans out the window and sends Jack to bed with no supper. The beanstalk grows overnight. Jack, being a boy, climbs to the top to discover a very rich giant. He steals the valuable and magical items, urged on by a fairy who tells him the giant stole these items from Jack's father.

Jack must have had a moment of inspiration in order for him to trade the cow, their only source of income, for five magic beans. Surely he realized his mother might not be impressed!Sometimes it takes another person to help you recognize those inspired thoughts. Had Jack's mother not thrown the beans out the window, they might have cooked the beans and eaten them! But the rest is left up to Jack. When he climbs the beanstalk, he is taking an incredible risk. Further, he goes inside this massive castle and sticks around when the giant is revealed! It seems that no matter what happens, Jack follows that inner driving force all the way through to the end of the ordeal.

The fairy is another interesting point in the story, although a small moment, it is incredibly significant. The fairy truly demonstrates that Jack was being pulled towards his destiny - he was in that clear, silent, knowing space, feeling open to and in tune with the Universe and all its' messages. The moment that the fairy tells him that these magical items belonged to his father, he finally understands why he felt such a strong pull towards this moment. In a moment of such clarity, Jack had nothing left to lose.

When you receive an inspired thought from the Universe, it is up to you to act on that thought, and to truly manifest it. When you ignore, push aside, or disregard these moments of inspiration, you forgo an opportunity. When you repeatedly pay attention to, and act on, inspired thoughts you become more sensitive to their meaning over time. It is up to you to participate in the creation of your own existence, your own destiny, your own life. And when your situation only makes sense to you, and everyone around you begins to question your motives, accept this as part of the path towards your destiny. You know your own life better than anyone, and any signs, symbols or messages you receive from the Universe have been custom tailored for you. They probably won't make much sense to very many people. That is okay! Part of the journey towards something better than what you are today is a period of uncertainty, and that uncertainty is what creates a truly rewarding experience for you.

The next time you have an inspired thought, no matter what it is, no matter how small it may seem, I am challenging you to act on that thought. It might just be a thought you have "Maybe I'll take the long way home" - see where it leads you. It may be a moment where you are driving in your car, alone, and the music suddely sounds very close and might seem like it has an echo. Stop thinking and enjoy this moment of simple clarity. Choose green when your mind shouts "Green!" Or when it seems like it's taking you a lot longer to get out the door in the morning, take it as a message to slow down! Yes, it seems counterintuitive, but you're going to get to your destination at the same time ~ but you'll start your day feeling much more relaxed!

Part of this experience is learning to trust yourself - and to trust that the messages you are receiving are real. Trust builds slowly over time, so be patient with yourself, and enjoy the process.

Beginning of a Change

2010-03-11T15:10:00.000-08:00

I was recently a part of something that I believe is the beginning of a change. My good friend and I recently facilitated a three-part workshop series titled "Woman & Spirit Series". When we first began planning for these events, I wasn't sure what to expect. But what transpired throughout the course of these three evenings was nothing short of miraculous. Let me tell you what I saw:

I saw a small sampling of women who are eager to soak up spiritual knowledge like sponges. Women who were brave, who overcame their inhibitions, and who, possibly unknowingly, behaved like warriors. These women surprised me with how open they became, and how willing they were to try something new. They closed their eyes and just listened - to themselves, to their own energy, to each other, and to that Divine presence ~ the one that is always there, and who speaks to us, even when we aren't listening.

One of the most beautiful moments throughout these workshops was when we chanted through our chakras, and we all joined as one, in voice and in spirit. It was an amazing feeling. Each woman present, in all the workshops, brought to us a unique energy: personal life experience, knowledge, a questioning nature, a gentle soul, a joyous presence, an inner strength, a loving heart, a quiet spirit, a wicked sense of humour, a knowing smile ... and so much more.

There is so much that I was able to witness, and so many moments that I am still reviewing in my mind ... I am sure I will be writing more about my observations in the future .... But for now, alas, I must return to the momentum of my day ... my son is awake from his nap, and is quite certain that he is ready to come out of his room ;o)

Until next time, love and light ~ Nicole

Energetic Parasites

2010-02-27T15:11:00.001-08:00

In the past month, I have been plagued with two sinus infections. Just before the first one occurred, my dad reminded me that he has had chronic sinusitis for all of his adult life. My mom reminded me that her mother also has sinus issues, and simply cannot smell for ten months out of the year.

During the first bout of sinusitis, I wanted to simply be rid of the annoyance of snuffling constantly, having to prop my head up high while I slept, and waking up three times per night to clear my head. I asked my body "What are you trying to tell me?" But no answer came, that I could hear. I tried meditating, I tried steaming my face several times a day, and I took decongestants. The infection finally subsided, and I was so happy to have the freedom to breathe again, to drink my morning cup of black tea again, and to generally feel healthy once more.

Unfortunately the sinus infection returned about two weeks later. I chalked it up to the stress of facilitating a three-part series of workshops for women ~ the first workshops I have ever in my life helped to present. I asked my body again "What are you trying to tell me?" I tried to settle myself into the dull ache inside the cavities of my skull, asking "Why?" At first, I only received the message "Communication". It took about a week of constantly analysing the situation, and asking, over and over, to feel the beginnings of a breakthrough.

I finally had a strange dream where there was some creature swimming beneath the skin of the back of my wrist. I cut open the back of my hand to reveal a cream coloured, sharp, determined looking parasite. For hours the following day, I knew this was a message my body was trying to relate to me ... and finally it dawned on me: Energetic Parasites.

I have always believed, to some degree, that we hold onto certain memories and experiences from our parents, grandparents, ancestors and so on. The realization was that the hereditary issues that we get stuck with are energetic parasites, leaching onto our energetic bodies without our knowledge. What if we have a choice to rid ourselves of the imminent susceptibility to certain family illnesses ~ corns on our feet, cancer, bad backs, chronic headaches, heart attacks, strokes, and so many other illnesses.

For me, once I had these realizations, I was unsure of how to approach my own situation. So I asked my higher self for guidance during meditation. It always amazes me that if I ask a question, I almost always receive an answer - as long as I am fully willing to hear that answer. This time the answer didn't come in words, but in feelings and urgings. I felt an urge to chant the sounds for each chakra, so I did from Root to Crown: LAM, VAM, RAM, YAM, HAM, AUM, NG

Buzzing with the energy and the vibration, I could see a line of white light coming into my crown chakra, going all the way through my bodies and chakras, and sending white light in horizontal lines through all the layers of my auric field, and exiting through the Root chakra going back into the earth. As the light penetrated my aura, I could feel it clearing away these parasites, prying them off and sending that energy back to the earth, the divine, the universe.

My sinus infection began fading incredibly quickly after doing this work. I am no longer in pain, and I have no fear of a recurring infection. I simply know that the parasites are weakened, if not completely gone. I get the feeling that this process would need to be repeated regularly, to ensure that any energetic parasites truly lose their grip on the fabric of my energy. But I feel such a sense of amazement at the intricate nature of our energy, how much we pick up from people, places, and circumstances. It all matters, every moment truly contributes to how we live today, in this moment.

I'm not sure where these realizations will lead, but I am excited by the journey! And I am open to all the new possibilities, discoveries and realizations that await us in the future.

What a Haircut Can Do!

2010-02-23T06:20:00.000-08:00

For several years, I have wanted to have short hair. There is something liberating, sexy and free about a woman having short hair. I finally did it, and I just feel phenomenal! It's funny how we can turn around and perceive ourselves so differently after something as innocent as a haircut. I have so much more energy and confidence, and I do feel sexy, free and liberated.

For women, the hair we wear is a vital and important part of how we feel everyday. Some of us use it as a security blanket, some of us use it to distract people, some of us are changing it all the time. Colouring, cutting, growing, shaping, styling, washing, conditioning. What a metaphor for the multi-tasked lives that we lead. And of course, the way we treat our hair has a direct connection to how we are feeling, and where the current circumstances of our lives are at.

When I was a teen, I grew it halfway down my back, and dyed it bleach blond. Two weeks after I graduated, I cut it all off and used KoolAid to dye my hair into a rainbow of colours. What was happening in my life at the time was my boyfriend was going off to University, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, and I felt like I had no power or control over what would happen next. But I had power and control over the way that I looked ...

I believe that we are all part of the same whole, that all energy equals one energy, and that we are here to fully immerse ourselves in the lives we have chosen. It is hard to avoid the fact that we are so sensitive to the visual world around us. Part of this includes judging ourselves and others on their hairstyles, clothing, pets, cars, houses ... and anything else we can compare ourselves to. I can hear my conscience shouting out ~But we are not supposed to get distracted by these visual details, we are supposed to see the beauty in everything!~

We are all part of a larger whole, and I believe that all other people in some way reflect our own selves. Maybe that's why when you get a great haircut, or an outfit that makes you feel great, you feel as though you are reflecting your true inner self - an attractive, confident and joyful being. This may sound vain ... but I consider my new haircut a gift to others, because I feel amazing, and because of that I can freely give my love, attention, joy and energy to those who need to be reminded of these qualities in themselves.

Feeling Stuck

2010-02-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

There are times in our lives when we feel stuck, unclear as to what we will do next, and uncertain of how to make a change for ourselves. Sometimes the feeling of being stuck can be a cover for something that makes us feel uncomfortable. Deep down, we always know why we feel a certain way, but to move on you must question yourself and be prepared for the answer.

Sometimes it is necessary to invoke fate and to jump out of one's comfort zone. For me, it feels like I've had to reach a point where I asked myself: What do I have to lose? And really, what do you ever have to lose, in any situation? What is the worst that can happen when you create change and growth in your life?

What kind of life do you want to live? Don't be afraid to experiment with what you think you might want! This life, this whole experience is a river with many different currents upon which you can ride. Some currents will lead into a quiet canal, or resting place, where you can simply Be. Some currents will lead you on a wild ride, consistently bringing up something new for you to absorb. And some currents will lead you into swirling eddies, like a dead end, only to toss you back into the flow once again. When you take control of this flow, using Awareness and becoming mindful of what is happening energetically and spiritually, you open yourself up and you create a lesson for yourself.

When we move through life in a mindful way, we are truly participating in the fate that we were born to. Being aware of where your path has led you thus far, and how your experiences have prepared you for something new, is a priceless practice. When you take stock of your life in this way, you begin to see patterns emerging, circumstances that bring you full circle to something over and over again. What is it that you have been preparing for in this life? What lessons keep presenting themselves to you? And are you learning from those lessons?

The most exciting part of reviewing your life in this way is the wonderful question: What next?

Spiritual Teacher

2010-02-02T06:59:00.001-08:00

I have had moments, as I'm sure most of us had, where I yearned for a spiritual teacher, someone to guide me to "find my own answers". Someone to get me thinking about Life, Spirituality, Magic and More. The Secrets to Life. But I am finding out, more and more each year, that I have an inner guide who is more than willing to teach me the things I want to know. Sometimes a message can come to you in bits and pieces, as though it were designed so you would start to really think about things. Here is an example:

There is a lot happening energetically right now around here. Last night, on my way to yoga, I was driving through some incredibly thick fog and I started to feel somewhat apprehensive. I couldn't see the road very well, and there was slushy snow to deal with. But it brought me back to the strange vision I had during meditation that day...

I was in a forest of birch trees and the fog was incredibly thick ~ I couldn't see much at all, but it was a peaceful, dreamy feeling. I looked down at myself, and I was wearing rugged, brown, leathery clothing. I walked for a while, then noticed that someone/something was applying pressure on my back, right on my solar plexus chakra. I looked to my right, as I felt a presence beside me. He turned his head to look at me, and he had the head of an Owl. He said "You don't have to see me to know that I am there". I didn't ask him any questions, we just walked some more, with him holding this comforting pressure on my back. It was lovely.

So as I was driving through this thick fog, I remembered this vision and immediately started to feel comforted. I stayed aware in the moment, and felt the eerie stillness of the night. When I drove up a hill and out of the fog, I felt such a strange clarity ~ like a lucid dream. It seemed as though the trees could come alive and speak to me ... everything looked brighter and clearer.

I had heard an Owl last week, in the early morning, while taking Tetley for a run. It was strange that I hadn't actually seen the Owl, as that is how I usually perceive such messages. But this vision clarified things for me.

Owl: Found at http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/owl.htm

The owl is the symbol of the feminine, the moon and the night.

The owl is the bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom.
The owl is associated with Athena.

An owl totem gives you the power to extract secrets.

Meditate on the owl and things will be revealed.

Listen to its voice inside of you.

You will hear not what is being said by others, but what is hidden.

You can detect subtleties of voice that others cannot.

People cannot deceive a person who has an owl totem.

Owl people can see into the darkness of others souls.

Most owl people are clairvoyant because of this ability.

It can be very scary at times.

Learn to trust your instincts about people.

Let your owl totem guide you.

Honoured Cycles

2010-01-21T21:22:00.000-08:00

There are times in your life when you will have great lessons to learn, spiritual messages to decipher and new practices to try. And there are times in your life when you may not require anything at all. Sometimes you are merely needed to be a support to others. As a woman, I can tell you these times are a part of the cycles of our lives. There is great importance to the daily, monthly and annual cycles we experience. To honour these cycles is to accept them, and to accept them is to surrender.

For months I have personally been striving to accept the cycles bestowed upon me. I had figured out that there are times that we feel fantastic, full of energy and life. There are times when we feel tired and quiet and almost mournful. There are times when it is right to turn our focus outward in order to connect with others and to offer our support and our energy to them. Wholly Completely and with only good intention.

I feel that this is a time for me to offer support to the ones I love, by simply being there for them. It feels incredibly natural right now to offer this support ... there is no hesitation, no discomfort in the idea of offering my hands to others instead of turning them back towards myself.

This is the first time in my life when, instead of feeling bored during a lull in my personal growth, I feel truly attuned to the possibility of what I can do for others. The miracle for me here is that after months of talking about honouring my cycles, monthly, annually and daily, I finally feel connected to this idea.

Allow yourself to accept where you are, right now, with no apologies and no worries. Honour your cycles and be true to your inner self.

Sensing the Energy of Another

2010-01-14T06:36:00.000-08:00

It can be so easy to allow negative aspects of our world to get to us. There is a fine line between practicing loving-kindness and allowing people to walk all over you. Perhaps this is why so many people seem to throw up walls of defense all around themselves. The fear of being hurt by another human being, whether it is physical, mental, spiritual or energetic, this can truly paralyse the sensitive one. Even if one has managed to balance kindness while maintaining an energetic defense, hurt can sometimes come from an unexpected source. When you practice energy work, such as Reiki, Healing Touch or Spiritual Healing, you learn how sensitive humans truly are ...

If one can become aware of energy, to a point where one is feeling more than seeing, hearing or touching, how could this change the way we relate to one another? My Utopian vision is that we would become much more honest with each other - there would be no fooling around when you ask the question "How are you?". Lying would become a faded memory, and truth would be natural. We would be able to feel the shift in another person's energy when talking about something uncomfortable. We would sense the hesitation, the fear, the doubt, the despair, the sadness ... but we would also sense the joy, the abundance, the openness and ultimately the Greatness of life. All. The. Time. Could you imagine this world?

My Utopian vision isn't so far fetched, when you think about it. You could very easily make an effort ~today~ to tune in to the people you come in contact with. Be more sensitive to what they are saying with their whole selves. Use your own energy to uplift another person. A simple smile will do it ... hold the door for another ... give someone a compliment ... drive with more awareness ... be patient with the ones you love ... and most of all be good to your own self.

Within the smallest actions lie the greatest secrets to life.

Crystals

2010-01-03T06:35:00.000-08:00

My wonderful mother in law gave me two beautiful quartz crystal pendants this year. I have long believed in the power and presence of crystals. I find they have the ability to change energy ... rose quartz brings much love and dispels negativity .... Amethyst calms anxiety and can help with psychic endeavors ... Citrine brings so much warmth, sunshine and light that it shines into the darkest places within us.

Recently, however, one of these aforementioned quartz crystals taught me something new. This particular stone has seven additional gems affixed to its' front, in a vertical line, to represent the chakras. I have heard that quartz has the ability to amplify the energy of its' wearer, as well as those surrounding. I learned this lesson directly from the quartz the other day ...

I was in the grocery store, and had accidentally abandoned my cart near the end of the aisle, while I wrangled my kids back from the other end. I hurried the children along, and as I was leaving the aisle I passed by a man who was waiting for me to move. He gave me the blank stare that people give when someone is slowing them down - you know the one. I gave a quick smile and moved along ... but from him I felt something sudden and unexpected. I felt a sharp pang of hatred and bitter anger, directly in my heart chakra. I pick up on peoples' energy all the time, we all do, but this felt much different. I felt what he was feeling. I got into the next aisle and stopped for a moment to recognize what had happened and to centre myself.

Liscious gave me many suggestions when I told her what had happened. She said to put white, protecting light around myself if I was going to wear it, and to meditate with the crystal to gain the lesson. She said to remember that my own energy will be amplified when I wear it. I took her advice and practiced all these things before leaving the house wearing the other crystal. This time I noticed peoples' reactions to my energy. Many people gave me the blank stare, but I didn't feel any negative energy this time - thank goodness.

There is so much I have to learn about energy, crystals, the aura and much much more. I hope that in 2010 I can begin incorporating my spiritual life more into my everyday life. I am ready to put myself out there, I am ready to truly let my light shine, and to encourage and enable others to do the same.

Share the Magic

2010-01-01T11:15:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the first day of the new year ~ 2010!

I sense that this year will, of course, bring many changes to many people. I have been feeling a spiritual uprising lately, as many of us have. A lot can happen in a year. A lot can change in a year. I propose a challenge to you:

In 2010, do not be afraid to show your spiritual colours. Happiness, Joy, Tranquillity and Love are contagious! And in all religions, these feelings are godly. When you give a friend spiritual insight on their situation, you give a great gift to see the bigger picture. Don't be afraid to see the synchronicity in things ... these stories, these messages, deserve your attention. When you dream of an eagle for nights in a row, then actually see an eagle when you are awake - take notice!

Let us all start a wave of magic starting today.

Pull to the Goddess

2009-12-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling an old pull returning me to the Goddess in the past few months. Ten years ago I was very much a Wiccan, though slowly over time I have molded those beliefs into something that more resembles where I am now. I don't think I can call myself Wiccan today. It is interesting for me to look back on how much I've changed, as is evidenced by the changes in my worship in life. I was 20 years old, and looking for some way to allow me to be powerful, or empowered ... tapping in to the world of Wicca was the perfect path for me. I loved the freedom of energy and love. Perfect love and perfect trust. I loved that feeling of invoking the goddess energy - such Strength of Spirit! I loved drinking red wine as a ritual in our magic circle, and becoming more drunk from the energy than the wine. I loved performing ritual ~ I often didn't need anything to work on, I merely enjoyed the feeling of power from the words I spoke.

I have changed so much. I truly was a Maiden then ... and now I am a Mother.

The one thing that has remained constant is that I can feel a very strong feminine energy. This energy guides me, like a grandmother, gently pointing me in this direction, or that direction. She gets me to look at the circumstances of my life from a larger perspective, showing me her point of view. I feel her even now, as I write, inviting me to go deeper in this explanation. This could take several pages ... In every stage of my life, goddess has been there, backing me up with a strong, focused, clear, direct energy. She urges me to see the love and light in every person, and to celebrate my femininity, my motherhood, my sexuality, the joy of my children. She encourages me to be strong in the challenging moments of motherhood, for these moments are fleeting. The children grow whether you are enjoying them or not. Goddess reminds me to look at my children through a grandmothers' eyes. That perspective brings me so much happiness in interactions with my little darlings.

I can see many things coming to my life in the next year ... I hope that the Goddess will invite me to see things from her perspective even more. You know I will keep these developments posted ...

Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again!

Gifts of Love: Time and Energy

2009-12-20T15:34:00.001-08:00

Do you want to give someone you love an incredibly special gift? Many people today have a really tough time getting everything done ... let alone having time and energy left over to do something relaxing. This is so true in December, isn't it? But you truly can give someone the gift of time, while embracing the true spirit of this winter season. What makes a gift of time so special is that you will be donating that person your own precious time. Such a valuable thing, isn't it? Your time will cost you nothing, but it will mean the world to someone.

You could babysit a friend's kids for a few hours, as a gift, which means they cannot pay you back for it. If you are an employer, send your employee home a few hours early on a Friday - paid time off, of course. When you go to the coffee shop next, leave some money with the cashier to pay for the next customer's order. They will never know who did such a nice thing ... and it will bring lovely energy into that person's day.

This time of the year is filled with possibility. We are celebrating the return of the light, and that light can represent whatever you want it to. Light is Love. Light is Hope. Light is Joy. Light is Beautiful.

Happy Solstice Everyone!

Giving a Gift of Heart

2009-12-10T06:24:00.001-08:00

The subject of giving is a hot one right now, with Christmas and other holidays just around the corner. You hear about giving in so many ways at this time: "A gift for that special someone", "This is the time to give to someone less fortunate", "Thinking of a gift for ...?" and it goes on and on.

No matter who you will be giving to this year, it is easy to get lost in the hype of the season, rather than truly focusing on why winter celebrations are important. This is a time to enjoy each other - this means enjoying all of humanity. This is a time of openness in so many ways, and it would be a shame to use this energy in a frenzied way. Smile at fellow shoppers! Talk to your neighbors! Wave to your mailman! Try to savour this time of the year, for it is fleeting, as time has a tendency of doing.

When we reflect on the reasons we have for the desire to give someone a gift, that gift becomes so much more valuable. Winter holidays have a long history of being a time to celebrate each other. Here are some ideas for thoughtful gifts for loved ones:

Astrological Birth Chart
Homemade Jewellery
Homemade Baked Goods
Warm socks!
Soft Robe

Remember, the spirit of giving is not about how someone will receive - that part is very much out of our control. The spirit of giving is to give of your heart and soul.

Failing

2009-11-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

Have you ever failed? Have you ever taken a risk to do something, putting yourself out there, only to have unexpected results? Have you ever set out on a particular path with visions of success on your mind, and gone on to experience nothing but "failure"? We are so petrified of trying new things sometimes ~ the idea of failing can seem so unbearable, and we often avoid situations that don't seem safe enough for us.

From the time we are children, so much energy is focused on our successes, but how much time do we spend talking with our children about their mistakes? It is important for adult and child alike to review situations, positive or negative, and glean the lesson from them. And it is okay to admit that you failed at something!

I have always believed that we learn best from our mistakes. There is no more powerful lesson than the one that pushes our Ego down to the ground. There is no more powerful lesson than the one that completely changes our expectations, and forces us to think in a new way. Sometimes, life lessons lie more in the getting there than the being there, although there are times for each on their own.

If you see yourself beginning to fail at something, don't struggle against it. Centre yourself, and look at the situation objectively. Try sitting with the feeling of "failure" ~ how does it make you feel physically? Try meditating on the feeling of "failure" ~ sometimes it is easier to clear your mind when you feel defeated. Visualize all the pressure you put on yourself disappearing, because there is nothing to fear now that the fear has been realized.

Try to remember that failing is an opportunity to learn something new. Failures may lead you to a completely different path than the one you've been on ... and that could be a very good thing.

Be at peace ~ Nicole

*This blog post was inspired by The Naked Soul blog post: Let's Kick Some Buts!

Thank you for getting me inspired this morning Mark!

Spreading Light and Love

2009-11-17T06:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel as though I should have been born in the 60's or even the 70's. I think many of us feel a strong connection to the era in which we were born. The music, the culture, the clothing, the attitudes. Even in utero these things have an effect on the unborn, we all know this. The question I'd like to pose to you is this: What memories or longings will the babies of today experience? What is our culture? What positive things can we glean from the state of the world today, in this moment? Let's put aside all the doom and gloom that tends to be placed on environment, economy, and all our other "ails".

I personally have been feeling an uplifting in terms of spirituality lately. You can say it's the economy, you can say it's the state of world affairs, you can say it's about time! But people are beginning to "look up", and I believe that only good things can come from this. Can we collectively become better people by consciously setting out that intention? Can we make an oath right now to spiritually evolve to the point where all of these problems fall to the wayside? If I can do it, you can do it. If I tell all my friends and family about it, can you tell all your friends and family about it? What is it exactly that I want to accomplish?

I want to change the memories we are creating for ourselves, because every time someone talks negatively about where our path is leading, they are creating energy. They are manifesting the doom and gloom, and every person who believes what is being said reinforces this energy. So, let's create something new. Let's have more faith in ourselves, and in the Universe, God, Allah, Goddess ... Where do we want to be?

I'll tell you what I see. I see a world where we all talk to each other, strangers or not. I see a world where someone sees another person who looks sad or unhappy, and tries to help them to feel good again. I see a world where we are all aware of our subtle bodies, and recognize that communication is happening on many many levels, aside from the physical. I see a world where we love each other, and celebrate our separateness as humans, yet always know that we are all one. We are all connected. I see a world where every person has a chance to have food in their bellies, shelter over their heads, clothing on their backs and love in their hearts. I see joy and celebration everywhere! I see every single person on this planet becoming aware of the most important things: Love, Compassion, Understanding, Happiness.

I always love to receive comments, and today I am asking you to join the discussion. Please tell me what you see in our future. We all have a voice, it's about time we all contribute to this discussion!

Making Sound

2009-11-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

Sound is something we tend to be comfortable with when we are not the ones making it. When put on the spot to sing a song, many people feel incredibly uncomfortable. But when we sing alone, certain that no one is listening, it feels good. What many of us don’t think about is that sound can feel good, but it doesn’t always have to sound good.

We can use our voice as an instrument to facilitate an emotional release. These noises may not sound pretty. They might sound deep, guttural, primal, soft, weak, or uninhibited. If you can summon up all your feelings and channel them into sound, it can be a very powerful way to rid yourself of unwanted emotions, to create new energy, or to simply get you to think differently about yourself.

If you are interested in experimenting with sound, try something simple that you can really surrender to, such as Om chants:

Close your eyes. Get yourself into a meditative space (Try the meditation from my previous post! Growing Buddha Nature )

When you are ready, begin with your first Om. The O and the M should be spoken at about the same length OOO MMM

Take a deep breath, form your mouth into a large O and allow the sound to release, closing your mouth to say the M.

Make as many Oms as you like. Try making the sound last a little longer each time. Really breathe in deeply at the end of each Om. You might like to practice in your shower, where the acoustics are good, or in your car, or in the forest; wherever you feel comfortable making lots of noise. Om chants are especially beautiful in a group, or even with just one other person. You can create a space of exceptionally good energy by practicing Om chants.

Enjoy the sounds of your day …

Growing Buddha Nature

2009-11-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

I recently read about a beautiful meditation called "Growing Buddha Nature". To be enlightened means to be free of all negative thought, and to be filled with all positive thought.

If you would like to practice this meditation:

Get into your comfortable seated position ~ preferably on the ground, cross legged, hands resting on your knees, palms up. Bring your index finger and thumb together to form an O. Spine straight but relaxed.

Breathe comfortably, counting your breath on the exhale. Count to 10 this way. Focus on the quiet space at the end of your exhale. Enter into that quiet space a little more each time.

When you are ready, visualize a seed of light. This light is filled with compassion, love, understanding, kindness ~ all good, positive things. Visualize the seed entering your third eye ~ the space between your eyebrows. Focus on the seed moving slowly down through each chakra. Feel the good feelings ... love, compassion, joy, understanding.

Try focusing on one emotion at a time. Imagine yourself in a situation, practicing kindness, feeling love for someone, being joyful in the moment.

Imagine this seed growing larger and larger inside of you, filling you with golden light. Immerse yourself in the peaceful feeling of positivity.

You now have a Growing Buddha Nature. Feed this feeling with positivity every day. Just like anything that grows, it requires time, love and patience. If you are feeling negative at any time during your day, remember this Growing Buddha Nature is inside of you now. You can activate the feeling of well-being any time you desire.

Opportunity Exists Everywhere

2009-11-05T06:04:00.000-08:00

I have always lived my life in a way where things happen to me. Opportunities present themselves front and centre, and I take advantage of them. I don't have any diplomas or degrees, I don't have a particular pull into any one direction, and I often feel like a child who is asking "What do I want to be when I grow up?" In my heart, I know that I am always where I am supposed to be, but there is sometimes a nagging feeling that I should be pushing, striving for more.

During meditation this morning, the message was "Opportunity Exists Everywhere".

What does this mean exactly? When you read this phrase, how does it make you feel? Are you desensitized to this sort of spiritual language? Did you say "Yeah, yeah, okay, let's move on"? Did you read it and dismiss it? Do you know what it means to say "Opportunity Exists Everywhere"? It means that your life is an always open doorway to expanded consciousness. One of the problems with this phrase is that we humans have a tendency to search, to make sense of, to rationalize. This journeying way of being makes it quite difficult to choose a path definitively. Seeking out opportunity can feel like you are committing yourself to a particular path, without knowing exactly what will come of it. And will you be ruling out other options by choosing one way? A genuine leap of faith.

It is difficult to choose a path because we don't know if we will succeed or fail. But the beauty is that the lesson lies in the experience. It is easy to get caught up in the modern thoughts of our society. Progressive, results-based, looks good on paper: We approve of all these things. But someone who searches for more simple things, such as love, understanding, knowledge, peace, compassion, is often cast off as being unimportant. Why is it these important universal truths are dismissed by so many of us? Even the constant spiritualist can only live in the moment of these lessons for a short period before returning to the "real world", and nearly relinquishing their right to enjoy these moments. But these lessons are actually memories, and that is why they resonate so strongly for us. Before moving onto the next thing, try sitting in the feeling of love, understanding, knowledge, peace, compassion. Sit down and truly feel it, and in turn feel the opportunities that exist everywhere.

Embracing the In-Between

2009-11-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

I can truly feel the air is changing now ... last night as I stood in my backyard, I looked up to the beautiful moon spreading her glow onto the earth. There were thin clouds slipping through the sky, veiling her though only serving to enhance her light. It spread like a halo all around her ... and it was coloured like a rainbow. I knew I was to "see" something ... and I started to truly focus on the splendid sight of the moon. It seemed as though the moon was beginning to vibrate and I knew I was about to see or feel something from her ... and that is when my puppy, Tetley, jumped up on me saying, "Hey! That's enough. I'm right here. Stay in the moment". I laughed at her bid for my attention, but I don't let things like that get away from me too quickly. The message I am getting is to just Wait.

You see, as of late, I have been feeling itchy. I am experiencing one of those in-between times: Last week, last month, my life was incredibly busy. I was not thinking about what would happen once Halloween was over, and our Halloween circle has been delayed for one week as we are each overwhelmed in obligation right now. I have been getting the message that not every moment can be certain. That these lulls can be a perfect breeding ground for insight and transformation. Perhaps I should be gathering my strength.

We are definitely on the cusp of Winter here in Cariboo Country, and I've learned from past years to get ready for it. This year I am ready for nesting, baking up a storm, crafting while the kids are asleep, getting ready for Solstice. Going into myself more ... but this year I'd like to offer more too. I want to give love of myself wholly, to my husband, my children, our cat and dog ... and of course my family and friends. Perhaps this lull in the action is what is most needed in order to get to the place that I'd like to be in.

Now is the time to embrace what we already have: a home, a family, a community. Simple things, but we all know they are the reason behind all that we do in these human lives. Whether that was our original intent, I'll not know this time around. But let's just enjoy it all! For now, while we build up our energy for the next phase ...

Puppy Chronicles

2009-10-29T16:07:00.000-07:00

Today I finally had a dog trainer come for some obedience training. My little pupil, Tetley, did so very well today. Dave (the trainer) helped me to enjoy my dog more. We had so much fun today, guiding her and playing with her. I felt none of the frustration that I had been feeling in the past week or so. I have heard that you don't get the dog you want, you get the dog you need. This is true in my case, I have to say.

When I was a kid, we got a puppy who we named Lady. Lady was a Blue Heeler ... if you know about dogs, you know Blue Heelers have a crazy amount of energy, and they are also a herding dog. Lady intimidated me because she was always nipping at my feet, pushing into me to get me to move, and basically treating me like a sheep. My daughter is with Tetley the same way I was with Lady. Every time the dog comes near her, she yells for me, turns away, then runs away. I am trying to explain that we mustn't allow Tetley to push us around, that we need to shuffle through her, etc. It's not helping, because my daughter's natural instinct is to be herded ~ it's just that it's usually me herding her! I see so much of myself in her :o)

One day, Lady got away from my sister and I, while we were playing in the front yard. When we caught up to her, she was biting a man on his leg. Needless to say, Lady was gone from us after that. This morning, during meditation, I was trying to focus on why Tetley gets me feeling so angry sometimes ... I was directed to thoughts of that childhood memory of Lady getting away, and I realized that I felt truly angry about what Lady did. I forgave her this morning ... for just being a puppy, for not knowing any better, for not listening to me. And I allowed myself to let go of Lady. It is amazing what we hang onto throughout our lives. I always expected to feel guilty about Lady ... but it was anger I was feeling, and now it's gone.

I am so excited when I interact with Tetley now, because I can see the dog she is going to become. She is a sweet, loving, loveable, obedient canine! And she is the dog I need.

Come From a Place of Love

2009-10-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

Dealing with a new puppy, on top of my usual routines and responsibilities, has been .... busy. I had a few tough days where everybody in my life seemed to be challenging me. It is possible that was just my perception, but seriously, it seemed like even the dog was talking back! I have wanted a dog for a very long time, and I found I was getting frustrated by her behaviour at times, and questioning whether or not I had made a mistake. What a horrible thought. In the first day that we got Tetley, she has brought me so much joy. We are into our second week now, and I can't imagine life without her, let alone my childrens' lives without a dog.

During my meditations, once I get into that quiet and open space, I sometimes ask for a message ~ "Is there anything I need to know right now?" What I got the other day was "Come from a place of love". This message seems so simple, but it absolutely makes sense to me. If we could all come from a place of love in everything that we do, not only would we each feel great, but so would every person we came in contact with. In spreading the love you feel around you, you are making an investment into that person, place or thing. An investment that will inevitably pay you back one hundred times. As for Tetley the dog, I think she notices when I am doing things out of love for her. She does seem to respond much more positively when I discipline her out of love, or ask her to wait for her food, or to genuinely tell her "Good girl! What a smart puppy!"

So I am starting anew today, coming from a place of love, and enjoying each moment with my children, the puppy, my husband ... well, you get the picture. Enjoy your day ~ With Love, Nicole

Infusing Positivity

2009-10-14T06:55:00.000-07:00

If you can live your life, every day, with a spirit of openness the universe will respond to you in ways you never dreamed. Is there a secret to attaining openness? Absolutely ~ Remain Positive~ Do things that make you feel great!

Positivity is something that you can infuse into every minute detail of your day. Pay attention to your thoughts, and you may be surprised at how much negativity you are focusing on. It all adds up!

~ being impatient while waiting in a line, when you could practice truly living in the moment. ~

~Trying to get around small children walking slowly, when you could watch how they move, what they notice, what they're talking about ~

~You feel offended and upset that someone was rude to you, when you could say to yourself "That's their stuff, not mine"~

Like a duck in the water, allow negativity to slide off your back like drops of water, and you will begin to enjoy each and every moment of your day. And most importantly, remember that you are in charge of how you feel. No one else can control your emotions but you.

At the end of the day, when you look back at what happened, you'll be so proud of yourself for how you handled your life.

Puppy!

2009-10-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

For years, I have wanted a dog. For some reason, it was never the right time, but I think puppies are like babies ~ there is never going to be a "perfect" time to have either come into your life! Our new addition arrived on Saturday, her name is Tetley and she is eight weeks old. She is adjusting to our home pretty quickly, and is figuring out the routine already.

Our cat is less than impressed. In fact, I think she is quite shaken, but perhaps there is a lesson in this for her. Perhaps she will learn how to deal with dogs she doesn't know once she learns to deal with Tetley. I suppose we all have our chosen paths. I am trying to be compassionate toward her, but it is hard when she is scratching at my bedroom door all hours of the night. She'll soon figure out that Tetley is confined to the crate at night, and poses no threat, aside from the sound of her occasional howling.

The kids love her most when she is calm, and often go and talk to her when she's sleeping. She can be a bit rough with the kids, but she'll learn. I am constantly telling her what her boundaries are, and I think she'll start getting it over the next few months. Having babies has taught me that a month is a tiny droplet into the huge pond of my life.

Getting Tetley at this time may not have been the most well laid plan, but the rewards are greatly outweighing any downside. When I see her running around with the kids, laughing and playing, I feel so much joy. I am so excited for the possibilities that exist with having a dog, because dogs know how to have a good time! I am really looking forward to taking her trail running in the Spring ~ she will love it and so will I!

Sure, I have to wake up a few times in the night to let her have a pee. And sometimes she howls and cries when she's lonely, bored or frustrated. But Tetley is helping me to live for the moment, and I am a better human for that.

The Reflective Power of Autumn

2009-10-07T16:36:00.001-07:00

I find myself in a space of contemplation today. Perhaps it is the beautiful fall weather ~ crisp, cold and reflective.

As I get older, I find myself going with the flow of my life, rather than struggling to attain that which I do not have. On another day, a year or so ago, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with the silence of the afternoon. Today, I feel so comfortable and so at peace with who I am; with who I have become in the past year.

In writing this blog, I always try to be as honest with myself and you, the reader, as I possibly can. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. For me, it is so important to remember this truth. We are here to experience every single aspect of being human ~ the innocence, the naivety, the failures and the successes.

My oldest child will be four years old this month, and I find myself amazed that so much time has gone by. I am so grateful that I have stayed home with my children because I am having the time of my life. My children bring me so much joy everyday. I am so lucky. Soon I will be coming into a time when I will have to begin letting go of them. Thankfully that day is not today.

Enjoy your Fall.

Subtlety

2009-10-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

I have been meditating for the past three weeks, and patiently waiting for some results to show. I'm not sure what I expected, but I realized this morning that the changes have been taking place, however subtle. During my waking hours, I feel much more present to the moment, and I am wholly enjoying the experience of being in that space. I have started to notice more details in the faces of my children, and I feel as though I am in tandem with their joyful natures.

For me, meditation is beginning to feel like I am "plugging in" to our vast Universe. Although I haven't had any brilliant insights, or spontaneous healing moments, I can still feel my soul stepping in tune to the Universe. It is a slow, subtle process that involves much patience, but it is absolutely worth my time.

My husband bought me a great book for my birthday titled "The Meditation Bible". The first meditation noted in this book is titled "Watching Your Breath". Apparently it is the first meditation taught to Buddhists.

Get comfortable. Sit cross legged if you can, or sit in a chair with your back straight. Place the tip of your index finger on the tip of your thumb, forming an O. Relax your mind. Bring awareness to your breath, and when you're ready, begin counting your out breath from 1 - 10. Then start again at one. If thoughts begin to surface, send them off as clouds or as helium balloons.

Try meditating for 10 minutes a day, or as long as you can handle it. Come back to me in a few weeks, and tell me how it's going!

Breakthrough

2009-09-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, I got this urge to seek out other healers in my community. Licious and I had been exchanging healing treatments for several months, and I really started to crave the company of more healers. It was more than just a selfish desire, it was this tug from the Universe to reach out to others, and to create something that we all needed. I only knew one other woman who practiced Reiki, by acquaintance, but I knew there were others. By a wonderful coincidence, I began to grow closer to this person, and eventually I told her about this idea for a healers' gathering. She really liked the idea, and we just started planning it.

What struck me when I began planning the night was how easily it all came together. The vision I had been given was one where we all collaborated our efforts to elevate the night. We all sat as equals in that circle, providing energy to support one another. We had a guided meditation, a chanting session, and a healing circle. Each one of these exercises was guided by a different person, lovingly giving a gift of themselves.

This event went exactly the way I'd envisioned it. It wasn't difficult to plan, there was no trouble getting people to attend, and I faced absolutely no roadblocks at all. I went with this original inspired thought, to putting the plan in motion, visualizing what would happen and what it would feel like, to being in that moment, and it was an absolute success! It felt so right, from beginning to end.

I would like to live the rest of my life like that, with the certainty that everything would turn out the way I envisioned it. Of course, that is probably not a possibility, with me being human and everything :o) But perhaps I have learned a little secret ... If you live your live with certainty, but without expectation, the road can only lead to bliss!

You've Just Gotta Have Faith!

2009-09-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

Today I want to talk about faith. This is a word that we all toss around from time to time, but what does faith really mean? And more importantly, what does faith really feel like?

To me, faith means that you believe in something with all of your heart, mind and soul. Faith can be a moment of clarity, a breakthrough in a meditation, or a sudden peace that comes over you. It is like someone is holding your shoulders, supporting you with the purest love. When you come back to the feeling of faith, it envelops you in a new energy, and gives you the strength to keep going. It really is so important to keep your mind clear, in order to receive messages of reassurance. If you keep your mind open, you will find that faith isn't a one way communication, and it's not just a belief that you have which logically makes sense all of the time. Your spirit guides, angels, animal guides and other helpers will give that same faith back to you, because they want you to be successful in everything that you do.

Does having faith in something mean that you never get to change your mind about it? I personally don't think that it does. Faith is a spiritual term for most, and I believe that ideas based in spirituality must have the ability to adapt to any given situation. Our wants and needs are manifested in strange ways sometimes, and we have to truly believe that we will receive them. Even when the situation seems bleak, with no way for success, the road we are on often leads to bliss ~ We just have to have faith.

Feel Grateful for Everything!

2009-09-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

It was my birthday a few days ago, and I had the most amazingly normal day. I decided to have no expectations for the day, and to just enjoy my kids and enjoy my life. I woke up, meditated and took a long shower. My sweet husband made breakfast for us :o) I took the kids for a bike ride with our buddies, then we came back to our place and played in the backyard for a while. I got the chance to catch up with Licious and hear all about her interesting trip back "home" to her roots. The older girls called us up to the top of the yard, they said they had a surprise. :o) We got closer and they threw up handfuls of leaves in the air and said "Happy Birthday!"

In the afternoon I received some phone calls from people interested in attending the Healers' Gathering. I am really enjoying the conversations with these wonderful healers. I feel the newness of healing again, speaking to these women. I believe that this event will be such a great thing for this sweet little town. It's all about the love.

The running theme of my life has truly been Gratitude as of late. I have been feeling the change since I made this switch. With Gratitude running its' roots beneath everything I do, in every second of my life, I will always be blessed with more. I have finally realized that it is I who is responsible for everything I've experienced in my life. All the happiness, all the loss, all the sadness and the love and the broken heartedness. All of it, everything, I made it all happen. With my perceptions, accurate or not. With my judgements. With my fears. I am responsible.

And I am also responsible for the switch!

Creating Community

2009-09-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have decided to answer a call I've been receiving for some time now. I am organizing a healer's gathering in my community. The vision I keep receiving is one where all energy workers in my community get together to share knowledge, energy and love. I get the feeling that this is not about showing off our talents, but more about creating a sense of community. Practicing energy work can be isolating if you don't have like minded people to share your experiences with. Being able to call someone when you need help interpreting a dream, or guidance with how to proceed with a client is so incredibly comforting.

Already, even before it's begun, people are coming to me with ideas or activities that we can practice at our get together. I can feel the energies of the attendees beginning to gather now, and it feels right! When I first started learning how to practice Reiki, we had a very solid community. A few people took turns hosting Reiki gatherings in their homes, and everyone would give and receive during those times. I wish I could carry that feeling with me wherever I go. I thought that feeling would always be there for me, but of course when I moved to another town ~ it was gone.

We all have a responsibility to create community. Whether it's a knitting club, tennis lessons, art classes, or a dirt biking association ~ Community feels good. Community is also built into the way we treat each other in common places such as the grocery store! If you smile at ten people, you're guaranteed to receive a few back in return. Giving someone that sense of acceptance is an underestimated gift, and the return on the investment of putting yourself out there is immediate. It feels good to give love.

So today, while you are putting gas in your car, or picking up bread at the store, or checking the mail, give someone your love. And when your love is reciprocated, take a moment to really feel the gratitude in your heart. We live in a beautiful place, but it's our friends, our family and our community that make it what it is.

Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again! Have a great day ~ Nicole

Oneness and Peace

2009-08-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

During my meditation this morning, I was having trouble focusing because thoughts kept speeding through my mind. So I decided to become the observer of my thoughts. I got my mind clear, and almost immediately, I saw an image. I put it away for later, and a word came into my mind. Then another image - put away. Then a phrase - put away! I was truly amazed at how my mind was trying everything and anything just to get me out of that blank space. Why do I constantly try to fill my mind with something? I can only guess that it is the Ego who puts on such shows, for some strange, unknown "gain".

What I neglected to mention above was the joy I experienced in the blank spaces between my thoughts. What a blissful, joyful connection I felt today! It took some discipline, self control and willpower to allow myself to enjoy that feeling of freedom, but it was so beautiful. I want to live my life in the light of the truth.

This feeling is exactly the same as the feeling I had once as a child. We went to church when I was a child, every Sunday and Wednesday. I was eleven years old, sitting near the front, trying to tune out as usual. But something the minister said grabbed my attention. He was talking (for the umpteenth time) about being "saved". It was almost as if he were pleading. He said "If you haven't asked Jesus to save you yet, what are you waiting for?" And I, in my child's mind, thought "Why haven't I? Well, maybe I should try." And so I opened my heart as wide as I could, and I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I felt a warm, loving feeling swarm into my heart centre ... enveloping my whole self. At that moment, I knew that God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell and all the rest of it - had nothing to do with this feeling. This feeling is something we are all privy to, and whatever avenues you need to go through in order to get it are your own! This is what makes us all equal.

I am so grateful for today. I am grateful for the peace, the joy and the abundance of all life. I am grateful for all the good things I can and cannot see. I am so grateful to be Alive!

May your day be lit up with love, freedom and joy!

Choose Your Moments

2009-08-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

Today I really felt the peace and the love of the Universe. I woke up early to meditate, which is something I haven't done in many many months. At first I was having trouble waking up, as you can imagine. But slowly, the gentleness of the morning permeated my body, and finally my mind. I felt a warmth in my heart, and it began slowly spreading through my entire body.

This feeling carried through the entire morning, when I had to take the kids to the auto dealer for a small repair - while we waited quietly and patiently for about half an hour. (They are very small children - this was huge for me!) The feeling was still inside me when I realized it was only 9:30, and there was the entire morning left to just ... let my kids be kids, and go where the day would take us! So we went to the bakery for a yummy treat, which we ate outside on a bench. We watched a pair of crows eating pods in a tree. Then we got back in the car to go home, but decided on a whim to just go to the park. This particular park has big beautiful pine trees, and the amazing dry, sweet smell that comes with that. My two little angels were running through the trees with unbridled joy. What a peaceful, joyful feeling.

I have been on a quest as of late to live in the moment. But I also believe in situations being "good enough". Choose Your Moments. That's what makes them special! Choose your moments with absolute intention, and Be absolutely dedicated to experiencing every aspect of that moment. You will thank yourself for the gift of being present.

Ch-Ch-Changes ...

2009-08-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

I can feel the earth preparing for the change from summer to fall ... It is still warm outside and the sun still shines, but on occasion I can feel a subtle chill in the air. I love fall. It is the time of year that I was born, and I've always felt connected to this precious season. It is a time of excitement, of newness, and a time of raw possibility. Perhaps that is why I'm feeling restless, concerned and introverted as of late. I feel better when I am looking forward. I feel the best when I am living in the immediate moment.

I wonder what this new year will bring? It seems as though many people are feeling some tumult right now, almost in anticipation of some radical changes. I have been cowering these past few weeks, unsure of what changes are coming, but now I am ready to emerge. I am ready to embrace whatever comes my way. I am ready to create something bigger.

Just as the earth has her annual phases, we do too. Are you prepared to shed the leaves of your former self in order to save your energy for a season of silence? For that is what Winter can bring. It seems strange to be thinking about winter's approach, but I'm going to prepare myself this year. Winter came way too quickly last year, and I am going to be ready! To me, winter is a season of creativity. The darkness helps us to focus on what is directly in front of us. It is important to gather energy now in order to deal with this. Picture yourself as a squirrel gathering bits of food, information and energy. Enjoy these last days of summer, because they are fleeting! Get outside in the sunshine as much as you possibly can - run through your sprinkler, man, because there's not a lot of time left!!

I am preparing for Change. I am readying for what I do not know. I will be prepared.

Newness

2009-08-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

There is something welling up inside of me, a change, a newness. While I'm not sure exactly what will come from it, there are times when we must trust the process. The older I get, the more I realize that Change is a consistent occurence in my life, and I am powerless to resist it. And why would I want to resist anyway? It is time for me to move with the onward motion of the river of my life. I've not much else to say on the subject today, but I will.

Peace, blessings and love to you ~ Nicole

Leaf of Change

2009-08-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

I am slowly turning over a leaf of change. I feel as though I had emptied myself out, and I wasn't sure what to do. My Uncle gave me some sage advice. He said that we do need to search sometimes in order to remain connected to the divine source, because without this reassurance we can feel lost. He said to be very aware of the ego at this time, and to ask for space to simply Be, without Ego. I have already had a few opportunities to test myself, and I am feeling very pure right now.

I have been meditating more, and even did a bit of yoga last night, after a long run. I am trying to fill myself up with all good things. I am feeling strangely disciplined as of late ... I am trying not to make assumptions as to where this transition could lead to.

I would just like to enjoy every moment. To truly notice each situation for what is really is. To keep that Ego in check.

Times of Change

2009-08-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, someone has made an observation about me that truly struck a nerve. My husband pointed out to me that I seem to always be searching for something. He indicated that maybe this was preventing me from living in the moment and truly being happy. This has never happened to me before. No one has ever, ever given me this kind of insight on myself, and agitated me so much. I immediately became defensive, because I felt so incredibly vulnerable. Why did this get to me so deeply? Am I always searching? And what exactly am I looking for? And now what do I do with this information? I honestly do try to live in the moment, and I believe I’m successful about 90% of the time. But, I have to admit, that other 10% is definitely spent on observing, analyzing and searching for reasons why, what ifs and would I be able to’s. Does this make me happy? No. But the rewards of ever-probing Life itself does come in waves… I can’t measure how often these moments arise, but I do know that it is worth it for me. Or at least it has been until now.

Since as far back as I can remember, I've been able to view my life as spiritual. I feel like I've had so many breakthroughs in my thinking, and I truly have come far, but with each "awakening" I ask myself the same question: "Now what do I do with this knowledge?" For the first time in my life, I am saying that I will not go searching for more. I am just trying to Be, right now, right in this singular moment. Right in this 1000th moment, I am just Being.

I honestly feel that at this moment, the house of spirituality I built up for myself is strange to me now. I feel as though the walls are beginning to crack a little, and that is a little scary. I can also feel that this is necessary. Everything in me feels restless with the coming change. I am in that space of uneasiness, wondering what will happen next and where I might be led. This uncertainty, too, is necessary. I suppose it is time to begin preparing to make room for change. I did a healing ritual with Licious and another close friend the other night. It was a time to purge unwanted habits and patterns, and to ask our Ancestors and guides for healing. I know I need to go a few steps further and cleanse my home and property, and I need to be gentle with myself right now.

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase" ~ Martin Luther King

100th Post! Recapping Your Life

2009-07-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

I am so amazed that this is my 100th post! I wanted to write about something special to mark the occasion, and I've decided to write about "placement" on one's spiritual path. What I mean by this is where we put ourselves in terms of spiritual evolution. How can we measure our spiritual evolution? Do we find it in the amount of compassion we feel for others? Do we find it by how much peace we enjoy in our minds? Or do we find it only in those small, magical, fleeting moments in our everyday lives?

Perhaps it is all of the above. Each one of us is on their own specific path, predesigned by the Universe, and specially laid out to challenge our innate being. While we can't fail at simply being, we can come up against the same challenges over and over again if we do not learn from our experiences. If we lay down and let our lives "happen" to us, and we don't strive to be better than we were yesterday, we may be setting ourselves up to fail.

I have to admit, the narcissist in me would like to know exactly where I am in terms of meeting my "goals" in this life. But would that knowledge help me to recognize the truth of my innate being? Would it help me align with my higher self? Would that knowledge take away from this beautiful experience of being human? Perhaps the funnest part of this experience is seeking out the things that make you feel completely in line and at peace with the Universe. I have heard that you are always where you are supposed to be, but will you feel that and recognize it if you aren't in alignment with your intrinsic nature? I try to go by the way I feel at any particular time ... if I am not feeling good about something, I take time out for myself and try to get back in line with who I am, and what I humanly want to be in my life. I want to be a strong woman, a dependable, warm and caring friend, a passionate and loving wife, a mother who creates a home full of love... but most of all I just want to be myself.

I receive great pleasure from writing here, and I am so thankful that I've found an outlet for my many deep thoughts. This experience has brought me more peace in my everyday life, and I am so grateful for that. To the people who read this blog (whomever you are ... out there in cyber space) I am incredibly grateful to you for helping to create the energy to carry on with it.

May all our lives be full of love, compassion, learning, sharing and growing.

When Ego Takes Over

2009-07-22T14:23:00.001-07:00

Something was nagging at me all day yesterday, and it seeped into my dreams all the way through to this morning. I was questioning the success of my run. I was wondering if I could have done better. Could I have run faster? Could I have challenged myself more? I had set goals for myself which I considered pretty lofty at the time ~ Run the whole thing without stopping ~ Finish upright and smiling ~ And to enjoy myself! I surpassed all of my own expectations, so why was I left with this awful feeling that I didn't do well enough?

As soon as I told Licious how I was feeling, she started to sing a song about Ego. The moment the word came out of her mouth, I knew that's exactly what it was. And as soon as I observed my Ego and the drama I was creating, it disappeared almost immediately. It truly is amazing how quickly a drama can build when we don't keep our Ego in check! And subsequently, how quickly the drama fades once Ego is discovered.

I do find it interesting that I created this drama only one day after reading a post on the Spiritual Healing Journey blog titled Everyday Creation. I mindfully read this article just yesterday, absorbed it, and thought I understood it. The Ego is a masterful scriptwriter, and I fell prey to its' wiles even with the knowledge I thought I'd gained.

Dear Ego - While you've gained my respect for your cunning, witty and remarkable talents, I am observing you now. I am thankful for some of the things you've given me, but be aware, I am watching out for you ...

Running

2009-07-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I put myself to the test. I ran in a 12 km run, and surpassed every single one of my expectations. It was completely amazing.

This whole process has taught me so much about myself. I have way more personal power than I even knew existed in me, and there is something in me now that doesn't even list giving up as an option. It is just easier for me to keep going, to push myself up one more hill, and then to keep running once I'm at the top. I wouldn't be in this place without the help and support of some beautiful, strong and powerful women that I've met along the way. Women who say things like "Oh yeah, you can do it, no problem!" and "Oh, Nicole is ready". Allowing me to notice this strength in myself is a greater gift than they realize, I think. The level these women have worked their way up to astounds me, and for them to say that I can start now at 12 km is inspiring.

Anybody can do what I am doing! You just start treating running (or weight lifting, or biking, or swimming, or whatever!) as though it is already a part of your life. Go out and do your thing on Mondays & Wednesdays because those are the days you do it! It is no big deal to try something new! You do your best, listen to your body and keep going!

I also discovered almost right away that running is helping to keep my anxiety in check. When I feel my solar plexus tightening, I use that anxious energy as fuel for my legs to move faster. At the end of a run, I now feel relaxed, open and happy. It is such a release for me.

I have come such a long long way, and I am so incredibly proud of myself.

Scanning Yourself

2009-07-10T14:16:00.001-07:00

Lately, I have been trying to offer at least one healing per week, in order to prepare myself for the future. I feel like I am putting myself through a practicum. But I am finding that I need to really take care of myself if becoming a healer is truly what I want to do. In Barbara Brennan's book "Hands of Light", she is very clear on the importance of self-care. She has included instructions on clearing your own chakras, and scanning your own body before, during and after a healing. I often only have a few minutes to practice this exercise, and so I just quickly visualize each chakra being balanced for one minute. This exercise has been invaluable to me. I feel wonderful after giving a healing now, where in the past I was often afflicted with sleeplessness and agitation. Tuning into my guides is something that Licious really opened me up to doing, and I am so grateful to her for this gift. My guides have been amazingly helpful, and all I had to do was ask.

It is so incredibly important for every one of us, "healer" or not, to be able to scan ourselves ~ for truths, and for un-truths ~ for tension and pent up energy ~ for withheld love and unspoken thoughts. The more we open ourselves up by releasing unwanted thoughts, emotions and energies, the more room we are creating for our desires. The trick, of course, is to be diligent in keeping your mind clear and your heart open. The mind is an amazing machine, but it does tend to get stuck in its ways. Are you wondering where you can start? Some simple exercises to try include:

~ Close your eyes, right now. Breathe deeply in through your nose, exhale deeply out of your nose. With each inhale imagine white or golden light filling up your entire body, through your feet, hands and head. With each exhale, imagine any held tension as energy, or water, and allow it to drain out of you - Let it go. Do this until you feel you are done! Do it whenever you get a chance!

~ If you have trouble focusing, try this one: Sit down, preferably on the ground, but not necessary. Breathe deeply, in through your nose, exhale deeply out of your nose. Imagine roots growing out of your bottom, reaching deep into the fertile soil of Earth. Send your roots down down down as far as you can make them go. With each inhale, drink up nourishment from the center of the earth, and with each exhale, allow your roots to plunge a little bit deeper.

If you keep trying to create more space in yourself in these ways, I promise that you'll begin to feel some changes in your life. You are the only one responsible for your reality here. It is up to you to create what it is that you want. Become the creator of your Life.

Fox Medicine

2009-07-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

A very sweet friend of mine pulled a Fox card for me from her animal medicine tarot cards. Here is what it had to say:

Camouflage: Fox is always concerned with the safety of family members and is an excellent talisman for those traveling far afield.....it is a sign that you are to become like the wind,which is unseen yet is able to weave into and through any location or situation. You would be wise to observe the acts of others rather than their words at this time. Use your cunning nature in a positive way; keep silent about who and what and why you are observing. In learning the art of camouflage, you need to test your abilities to pull this off....you may also gain confidence in your ability to know instantly what will happen next. After observing for awhile you will become aware of certain predictability in given situations and be able to quickly make your move.

...With Fox medicine, you are being asked to see all types of uses for oneness.

Finding the Fox Within

2009-07-05T08:33:00.001-07:00

Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt as though you were in perfect harmony with the Universe? A time when anything you wanted, you were sure to receive?

Yesterday morning, I went out for a big run, and while the first half of it was spent in thought, the second half was spent in pure enjoyment. I love to just observe the earth in those quiet morning hours, and I challenge myself to be silent too.

Sometimes, when I'm running, I pretend that I have a pack of dogs with me. I can almost hear them panting, their nails clicking on the pavement, and kicking up the dirt on the side of the road. But mostly, I can feel what it would be like to run with a pack of dogs. I like dog energy. So on my run I asked the Universe to send me some dog energy. I got the reply "But that's not what you need right now". I shrugged my shoulders, and moved on.

A few minutes later, I saw a beautiful fox at the edge of someones property. All I could say was ~ Thank You ~. I've been researching fox symbolism, and it seems to me that the fox prefers to keep herself hidden unless absolutely necessary. Outside of mating and child-rearing, they seem to prefer a life of solitude.

The most significant thing I found was on http://www.shamanicjourney.com/article/6018/fox-power-animal-symbol-of-camouflage-quick-wit-cunning-agility-magic

"When we learn to detach from our surroundings and to use all our senses to be observant, we will also be able to anticipate and create the future... Fox is a wise, potent, teacher for those who choose to live conscious and deliberate lives."

Many of the fox's traits are not one's I thought I could ever claim as my own, however I seem to become more malleable every day. If I could choose some of her traits they would be: stealth, courage, ability to observe unseen, persistence and swiftness.

I'm going to use the Fox in my meditations, and in my everyday life for guidance and protection.

My Reiki Story

2009-06-24T15:15:00.000-07:00

One of the blogs I like to read, Reiki Help Blog, has started the Reiki Stories Project. If you have a Reiki Story to share, I would encourage you to share! You can check it out here:

http://reikihelp.com/blog/2009/06/reiki-stories-project/

Reiki weaved its way into my life during a time when I was at a crossroads. For three years prior, I had been destroying my spirit with drugs - anything I could get my hands on. But I had initiated change ... I had met some friends to practice Wicca with, I had begun meditating every day, and I began spending more time outside in nature. I was feeling better, but loneliness hung on my soul.

One day, a new acquaintance asked me how my knees were feeling. I was a bit confused as to why she would ask me such a seemingly strange question. She matter-of-factly told me to come by her house after work, and she would give me Reiki. I had no idea what Reiki was, but even though I barely knew her, Terry made me feel at ease. So I went to her. She healed my knee, and told me that day that if I wanted to receive my first degree of Reiki, I could do so in a few weeks. I took the course, and my life began to unfold in a completely new way. The Reiki community used to have gatherings about once a month, and during that time I received many healings. It felt amazing to work through all of the emotional issues that had built their walls within me. It certainly wasn’t easy to confront the demons of my past, but I knew it would be worth it. Reiki helped me to regain the faith I had lost in myself, and helped me to feel a sense of community where I was fully accepted for who I truly was.

Reiki is now with me always, and I have finally reached the point where I am ready to share this Universal Love, this Universal Energy, with the world.

Become Aware of Your Spiritual Guides

2009-06-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

The other night I was lying in bed waiting for sleep to arrive. I was feeling really drained from my day, and wondered if a good night's sleep would be enough to carry me through the next day. I decided to ask for some special help. I decided to call on Archangel Michael for a healing. I felt the energy around me transform right away ~ my request was granted. It was a warm, peaceful feeling that surrounded my entire space, my whole being, and the healing began. I must have fallen asleep very quickly, but I was woken up sometime later by the glorious sound of warm, heavy rain falling. And I knew the healing was over. The next day was amazing for me.

We all have guides in our life. They will come to you in all different forms ~ human, animal, fairies, trees, dragonflies, and the list goes on. We also have the spirits of our ancestors to guide us ~ All you need to do is ask for their assistance. The most important thing you can do is to be aware of your guides - even if it's just a stranger exchanging positive energy in the form of a happy smile. The more aware you are of these happenings, the more often magic will creep into your life and create the unexpected for you. These guides are here to help you, all you have to do is ask.

Let the Man Feel

2009-06-17T14:06:00.001-07:00

Last night I watched the movie, "Taken". (Excellent movie if you like action!) The story is about a man who retired from his career as a spy to repair his relationship with his 17 year old daughter. Unfortunately, his efforts are not appreciated by his ex-wife and her new husband, and they seem to want nothing to do with him. His daughter is really too young to know what he's given up in order to be closer to her. The daughter goes to Paris for a vacation with another young girl, and they are abducted. Her father goes to Paris to get her back, using every weapon in his spy arsenal. He saves the daughter from imminent doom and flies her back home. The ex-wife realizes that the very career that broke down their marriage saved their daughter's life. The new husband realizes that he is not such a bad guy after all.

Does every man have a deep desire to be appreciated? Women often pass men off as being independent from pesky emotions, but I don't think this is true at all. And when men do something wrong or misguided, they are sometimes labelled as deadbeat dads, unresponsive husbands or worse. The truth is, there could have been many issues and feelings gathering beneath a seemingly calm surface. I think that because men aren't as aware of their emotions, they have trouble understanding them. We the women need to school these men on what it is to feel.

If you are a woman, I have some advice: The next time your man seems unresponsive, distant or cranky, ask him if everything is okay. Look back on the past week and ask yourself if you've been there for him. It doesn't take a lot to make a man happy, but being aware that he can feel unappreciated or neglected can really help get past any difficult moments.

I Always Wanted to Be ...

2009-06-13T21:41:00.000-07:00

It seems that every year, I do another thing that I once told myself I would never ever do.

Currently, that activity is trail running. I wondered why someone would want to subject themselves to such a seemingly scary experience. I was running through a narrow, overgrown trail, single file with a friend. There was a thunderstorm moving over the area, and every once in a while the thunder would rumble all through me. It started to rain, but we hardly got wet because of the trees looming above. The raindrops sounded fat, and they truly made that "pitter patter" sound you read about in books. The bushes kept slapping against my legs, making my shorts stick to my skin, and dirtying up my ankles. I felt incredibly connected to nature. More connected than I've felt in a long time. In the trail, I have to move all other thoughts out of my mind, so I can focus on where my foot will land next, or where the trail turns right or left. There isn't time to wonder about my children's' recent behaviour, a poor reaction to stress, or how much longer the run is going to be. At the end of it, I am filled with new life.

So much of my youth was spent living in fear ... I don't regret that, but I am certainly embracing my new confidence. It has been so freeing for me to try something I wasn't sure I'd be good at - and to actually enjoy it?! - It feels great. I'm not sure why I chose to spend much of my youth in fear of the unknown, but I think it's made this part of my journey so much more gratifying. Now I actually feel excited to try new things!

I don't want to live in fear anymore. I know I'm asking a lot from myself, but I am ready for all the challenges I've yet to face. Because once I get through them, I know how proud I will be of all the things I have accomplished. I am becoming the woman I always wanted to be.

Here's to Change

2009-05-27T08:18:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about a scary word lately - Change. The word in itself scares me because of what it could imply ... the unknown. When I think of change, I wonder how I'll adapt because I've become so used to the way things are. Will I let anyone down? Will I let myself down?

I've also been thinking a lot about Guilt lately. My big guilts are usually based in whether or not I'll meet my loved ones' expectations, and it is just the idea of letting someone down that really gets to me. I would like to let go of this drama from my life, and that is the challenge I am consciously facing now. I just returned from a family reunion where I noticed some interesting patterns. Every family has discussions of behaviour they noticed while visiting, and most families hold these discussions behind closed doors. That person will not be aware of what was said, they will only feel that focus upon them. It is an unfortunate pattern that could be corrected, slowly over time, if a handful of us could resist the flow of a river like that. I am going to try.

I felt an energy that Saturday night at the campfire, while all of us gathered in a huge circle around it. I felt my elders, long since gone, enjoying the energy we raised while singing old cowboy songs. I could feel a message there, but couldn't quite grasp it until now. The message was to move on, enjoy life, enjoy each other and to focus on the joys of life. There is truly no time to suffer in silence. A family is there to support you in your suffering, and more importantly still be there when you reach the other side of that suffering. My family is made up of remarkable people, and I am one of them. I want to tell my family how remarkable they are to me.

Here's to Change.

A Friend of Mine

2009-05-26T13:02:00.001-07:00

A close friend of mine came to visit recently. She reminds me so much of my younger self, because that’s when I met her. She has known me from my lowest points all the way to my highest points. She is a vault for some of my deepest secrets, and that is why I will always cherish her as one of my very best and closest friends. She is the kind of person who always knows what to say, even in challenging moments, and she always speaks with honesty. I am so lucky to have a friend like that.

Recovering from Spiritual Breaks

2009-05-14T21:37:00.001-07:00

I've been spiritually lazy the past few weeks, living my life in a bit of an uncomfortable silence. I am fully aware of my state now, and I'm ready to take on my next challenge. For me, it has become important to take a rest between the lessons of life, in order to recharge and become ready for the next thing.

I've found that it helps me during these lulls to take it easy on myself. There is no one pushing me to have all the answers, except my own demanding self. I like to take long baths, garden in my backyard, do some physical exercise or just lay on the couch. I try to remind myself that I don't have to be this connected person all of the time. Sometimes it feels great to just Be.

One obstacle I seem to face in these downtimes is a struggle to get back to where I once was, spiritually. I know that I cannot truly get back to that place, as my perspective is completely different after reflecting on life lessons. Whatever the reason, it always takes some time to get into the loving space of the universe. In the meantime, I'll take my coffee with cream and sugar ... and I'd like to drink it in the bath!

Home Free

2009-05-12T20:53:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since I last posted, and I usually prefer to wait for inspiration before I do write, however I am going to speak from my heart today.

My youngest child turned two years old last week, and I am feeling a deep and silent inner peace. They say it takes a woman's body two years to balance out and become "normal" again after having a child. Well, I have made it to this point, and I am relieved. I made it! I thought that once I reached this "safe point" I would turn around and look at the war field behind me, reflecting on how strong I was, but I just feel safe. I feel as though I have been wrapped up in the all encompassing arms of the universe - the ultimate hug.

I just want to sit and soak in the delicious and satisfying feeling of peace. Namaste!

Enjoy Being Human

2009-04-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

We are, first and foremost, here in human form to experience simply being what we are - human. Can becoming too spiritual become a selfish endeavor? Sometimes, Ego can show us how to hide behind our spirituality. We say to ourselves that we know more than the general public, and that we are above them in this way. If you are hiding behind your “awareness”, are you truly benefiting from living a spiritual life?

We can create our own destiny and we can have anything we want for ourselves, but does this mean that we should not try to create a beautiful existence for others too? I suppose it all comes down to what makes us happy, and happiness in the self creates happiness in others, right? I wonder if each one of us had the opportunity to live a period of our lives in seclusion, would we live a more spiritually connected life? Would we long to be more selfless in the absence of longing to be selfish?

Perhaps we are each a mini-universe, encased in this human form, and we are meant to experience every single aspect of ourselves. We can be spiritual, and we can be aware of the seven chakras, enlightenment, pure love, nirvana, heaven, and all the rest of it. But we can also choose to enjoy life as a human, and part of that includes being a little bit ignorant! Perhaps one of the tricky things about self-guided spirituality is that it may always be a struggle to balance it all out. We can still be spiritual, yet enjoy all the pleasures of our physical bodies – touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. We can be spiritual and also enjoy logical thinking, reasoning, and philosophizing. In fact, these things are necessary to living in a state of awareness.

I personally cannot say that I will ever get the answers to these questions … but sometimes ignorance is bliss!

Letting go of Regret

2009-04-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

I don't have many regrets in my life. I've tried very hard to be at peace with my decisions, right in the moment that they are made. And I firmly believe that each situation leads you in the direction you need to go to realize your greatest dreams. That being said, I do wonder if there will be opportunities in my future to right the wrongs I have committed. Will I get the chance to say the things I didn't say, and allow myself to forgive, and to be forgiven?

I ask my inner guidance these questions, and I can feel the answers. I know I will get the chance to make things right again. In my small handful of regrets, I will be redeemed.

Is there anything in your life that you feel you cannot make peace with? Do you think we hang on to certain situations for a reason? Perhaps we feel that we cannot be forgiven, perhaps the mistakes we made were too big to let go of. But can we give ourselves a chance to let go, and be free of the pain? I don't know about you, but I'd like to try.

I am making a pledge to myself to create the opportunities to right these wrongs. I am now looking for the opportunity to be healed from these events. I am ready to begin the process of letting go.

Power in Numbers

2009-04-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

There is something so incredible about power in numbers. Even just talking about something with another person brings more energy to a subject. When we open ourselves fully to another person, especially in a spiritual way, we are blurring the lines of “self” and separateness and becoming part of the whole again.

Thought is all that we are.

Thought is the most powerful thing we can do.

If we have a goal of healing ourselves and this planet, a very powerful movement could be to consciously focus our intent on a planet that is already healed. Let us try for one day to visualize each person we see as being completely whole, aware and perfect. Let us imagine that person as a extension of our own self, and let us see where that takes us.

Spring is Here

2009-04-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

Life is slowly being born all around me. One thing I love about living in the Cariboo is the slow changing of the seasons. I feel that I really get to appreciate every moment because I see it all unfolding before me. On the coast, the trees just suddenly leafed out, but here, the process is much slower. Even before the snow began to melt, I noticed the trees in my yard were getting little nobs all over the branches. The nobs are slowly becoming leaf buds, but it will still be another several weeks before the trees leaf out.

The light is changing too. It is almost as though the earth is reacting to the sun, the sun is reacting to the plants, and I am reacting to it all. Every entity seems to feel that Spring is finally here! Every day, more snow melts away, and the evidence of a long winter is slowly being revealed to me. A bunch of burnt candles scattered on my lawn, old dog poop, new dog poop, flyers that escaped the mailboxes. There is a large family of about six deer this year, and they are roaming about the neighborhood, unafraid and very hungry. They tried out my small crocuses, but it looks like they spit them back out again. I guess they don’t taste that great. It won’t take long until I see little bits of new green grass rising from the messy, ruddy earth.

I love the newness of Spring, as we all do. It creates something in me every year … A new zest for life and another chance to try something new. I feel so happy about my life, but I am truly looking forward to what the rest of the year will bring. I am also incredibly excited to see what will become of the seeds of thought I planted in the Fall.

Happy Spring Everybody!

Healing the Healer

2009-03-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

I want to talk about my own personal experiences in receiving spiritual healings and reiki. When I was suffering from Postpartum Anxiety, I met White Chocolate, and we quickly discovered that we had a lot in common. Most especially, we agreed to begin exchanging healing treatments. The first treatment WC gave me was very intense. I had been craving a spiritual connection with someone, and I had been in great need of a healing for myself. During the first healing, I felt as though the lines between her & I, and everything and everyone had been erased. I felt warmth and fullness in my soul like I had never felt before. When she was finished, she sat in front of me, and I put my face into her hands and wept. I knew I had been suffering, but I didn’t realize how much of it I had been holding in. After each treatment, we would write down any messages that came through, and any other thoughts or feelings.

I felt better after that, but I didn’t feel one hundred percent. I know now that I had a hormonal imbalance, an uncontrollable pattern that I could not escape on my own, but could only deal with on a daily basis. In hindsight, there is a good possibility that I should have been taking medication to ease the symptoms. But the healings truly helped me through an incredibly difficult time in my life, and enabled me to get through my trauma in a more reflective and proactive way.

I look back on those treatments now, and I realize that I did a lot of intense work on myself. It was not easy to observe myself the way that I did, and it required a great amount of courage. I faced my demons, and I continue to face them every day now. I realize the importance of my own work as a healer now. I personally know how difficult it can be to open up your soul and take a long, deep gaze, and to come out of it reflecting on what you saw. Perhaps even more challenging is to use the knowledge to improve your tomorrow. But that topic is for another post.

Letting Go of Anxiety

2009-03-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

For a small while I have been neglecting to observe my thoughts. So I was a bit shocked when I finally got around to this purging task. I have been incredibly self-focused in the last little while. Something had been building inside of me that just wouldn't stop nagging in the very back of my mind. I realized that I have been defining the present by what happened in the past. I have been hanging on to my postpartum anxiety and allowing it to dictate my demeanor, my moods and my actions. I have been focusing on how I felt about starting up a support group, but I should have been focusing on the women who were about to gather together. I realize now that just sitting in a room together is powerful for all of us. This huge spiritual transition we are all experiencing immediately makes us sisters.

My realization came when I decided to check out an ad I've noticed a few times on the Spiritual Healing Journey blog. The ad is for something called TAT Life. I have been practising Reiki for 11 years now, and reading the information on TAT Life seemed pretty straight forward. So I got myself into the pose and went through the first three steps. I didn't even realize I'd been holding on to my anxiety experience so tightly until I began to let it go. Postpartum Anxiety is something that just happened to me. It happened, but I am okay now and I am ready to heal myself.

Everything that happens to us is a matter of circumstance, but how you remember your experience is a matter of perspective. I sometimes look back on the hard times I had, and I realize now that I have been too hard on myself for the way I handled things. I honestly did the very best I could at the time, and I am at peace with that now.

I am a wonderful mom, blessed with two beautiful, happy, healthy children. The way I see it, I am doing a fantastic job. I'm ready to be here now.

Lessons from a Cat

2009-03-05T14:05:00.001-08:00

Within the depths of my soul, there was always a place for you,
It was within the time we shared that I belonged to you too.
Now that you have left this place, and moved on to become renewed,
You should know I'll always keep my heart clean, pure and true. - Nicole Aracki

For I know that nothing less could satisfy the way you always expected more from me. And now that you've transcended, I know that the lessons you taught me will keep teaching me for the rest of this life.

1. Love. Love everything and everyone.
2. Enthusiasm. Be enthusiastic and excited about every moment.
3. Faith. Have faith that you will receive all the things you truly want in life.

Seasons and Sabbats

2009-02-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

There is a very deep and distinct connection to nature that we as humans, every one of us, possess. Whether you are religious or not, you probably notice that you feel a certain way at certain times of the year. When Spring is on it’s way, there is a feeling of hope, renewal and joy. Have you recognized the feeling you get when the leaves are falling off the trees and the warm glow of summer is slowly waning away? We all sense that Fall is a time of renewal, a time to sow seeds for the distant Spring, and to get ourselves ready for the encroaching Winter.

These things seem obvious, perhaps even trivial to some, but I see a cycle in all of it. I’m not talking about the obvious cycle of the four seasons, but the cycle of my own life.

Nature-based religions recognize eight sabbats throughout the year. If you look into it, each sabbat reflects the inner workings of our own selves. Nature is a reflection of you.

Observing the Sabbats is an extremely effective way to observe the mechanics of your life. You can use these auspicious times of the year to check in with your dreams and goals, but more especially the present moment. If you can be prepared and know that you usually feel some sadness in the dark months of the year, you’ll be better prepared to deal with the sadness, to set some things up as a defensive measure or a precaution. You can also begin to observe your thoughts – perhaps you always think of taking a trip in February, but you never make the call to your travel agent. Or maybe every September you yearn to try something new – take a course or start swimming!

The more aware you are of your life, and the more you are doing to constantly improve it, the better your life is going to be! You can start really thinking about what you want to do within the next year of your life. As a society, we become so wrapped up in the fast pace that we often forget that our lives are accumulating more quickly than we’d like. Even if you only take a few minutes to observe your self and your situation, the point is that it’s a commitment to yourself. It is a commitment to constantly grow and learn, to take risks and even to fail. Perhaps the most difficult part of this is having to truly reflect on the current state of your life. We all work hard to be good people, to make enough money, to feel secure and to stay healthy physically. But do we work hard at really taking care of ourselves? Can you honestly say that you’ve been good to yourself, have taken alone time for yourself, have indulged a little to celebrate your life? During the Sabbats I like to sit quietly and become the observer of my thoughts. Sometimes I question my thoughts, especially the ones rooted in fear. When you become aware of your thoughts in this way, you can begin to control your thoughts.

Nature is a reflection of you , and you are a reflection of the Universe. If you are a reflection of the Universe, then you are also in charge of your destiny. You are the Creator. So take charge, in whatever way makes sense to you and GO for it!

My Cat Chance

2009-02-23T14:27:00.000-08:00

I've never had to, in my adult life, let go of a household pet. My cat, Chance, has been around for close to 14 years and is more than a pet to me. Today is the sad sad day that I have to let her go. Deep inside, I know that she will be at peace. Deep inside I know she'll be going back into the "melting pot" of pure divine energy, and of unconditional love.

But I am going to miss her, and I am so sad that I have to let her go from my life. I always joked that she was so demanding of my attention, that she'd probably come back to haunt me.

She has been deteriorating for a few months now. It's all happened rather quickly, and I'm glad for her sake. But she is suffering now. I can't stand to think about her being in pain. Her hind legs are hurting her so much that she can't even jump onto a chair anymore. She was once able to jump six feet into the air.

Chance unnerves me. She used to sit in front of me and stare at me for as long as I'd let her. She was seeing the real me, always, without judgement. She has always looked at me with love. I think that in my reflections, there is a lot I will learn from Chance.

Be the Universe

2009-02-10T21:28:00.000-08:00

Staying on the right track isn't always easy. I find that my spirituality waxes and wanes ... I'm talking about that deep and powerful connection with the Universe, when your path speaks to you, and you feel completely certain about the direction your life is heading.

I feel like I'm on a constant quest to keep my faith alive. Some days I feel wise beyond my years, other days I feel like a brand new soul discovering the meaningful events in my life. I don't wish for the certainty of wisdom, because I know that would signal the end of this life. I try to imagine myself as the cosmos - huge, all-knowing, all-seeing - I am the Universe, yearning to experience something new. I am creating every moment. If I truly believe that, then I can only experience happiness. If I am certain that my faith and knowledge will wane tomorrow, I MUST live in the moment today! I must immerse myself in every second of every day, and I know that is when I'll be truly happy. Because I will truly be the Universe, fulfilling my desires.

Snow

2009-02-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

When the clouds fall down to the trees and the whole world gets quiet,
I know the snow is about to blanket us in it's purity.

Today the snowflakes fell so gently,
Floating, dancing, weaving their way to the white ground,
And I thought of nothing at all.

My mind was at peace, and so was my soul.
And I am so grateful.

It is Possible

2009-02-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

I am feeling so excited and happy about the support group! I am so grateful to be out of the dark place I was in. The anxiety is still with me sometimes, but it doesn't envelop me as it once did. I am so thankful that I am well enough to help others, because there was a time when I didn't think it was possible to be normal again.

My first group was very healing for me personally, because no one showed up, but I was surprisingly okay with that. I am ready now, really ready, to put myself out there. I realize that it's possible that no one will show up again this week, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up! I know there are women out there who need someone to talk to, right at this very moment, and they are feeling stuck in a place that seems to have no way out. I want to tell my story and have those women realize that there is a way out, and that they will be normal and happy again. It is so possible.

Transformation

2009-01-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

I am feeling so good today, especially after my workout this afternoon. It feels good to be taking care of my physical body, when for so much of my life I’ve focused on my spiritual and emotional bodies. I feel stronger now than I ever have in my life. I feel like I’ve grown in so many ways since having babies. I feel focused, powerful, intuitive and strong, on all levels. Of course, I feel Love more powerfully than anything. I am taking care of our world's most obvious gift - new life.

My children bring so much joy to others. People always stop to talk to them, to try and make them smile. Mostly older people. They realize how important children are to our existence. They laugh when they think something is funny, they run and call out when they're happy, they cry when they're sad, they crawl in your lap when they need a cuddle. Their needs are so simple. But if you think about it, our needs, as grown ups are simple too. We could learn a lot from the little ones.

Eat when you're hungry. Drink when you're thirsty. Sleep when you're tired. *Buddhist Proverb

Someone to talk to.

2009-01-24T19:59:00.000-08:00

I started out my day feeling "off". I was doing it to myself, but nothing was helping me to pick myself up. As soon as I spoke to my sister, I felt better. Just having someone to talk to is just huge. The support group begins in less than a week, and I feel like I'm getting signs every day. I'm reaching out, and even if no one show up the first time, I might get just one the next week, then two the next week. But I have a feeling people will come on Friday.

I honour the choices my inner guidance requires. FAITH.

We are all Spiritual Beings

2009-01-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

I went for a run today with a few ladies. I was so surprised and so pleased to find out that one of them practices Reiki! I have been wanting to meet some spiritually like-minded people, and it's starting to happen. Just knowing that there is a Reiki community here is so comforting for me to know. The spiritual path can sometimes be a lonely one, so I'm always happy when I meet new people.

I truly believe that every person on this planet is a spiritual being by nature. Some are just more aware, or willing, or connected than others. No book or person or tv show (!) can take away from you the potential for connection that lies within you, waiting in a dormant state to be awakened.

You are a beautiful, powerful, and gracious individual. You are the essence of god, and you have the ability to create your own life. If you set your sights on something, you will receive it, you just have to believe it.